Shipping Lampooned
by spoonerdog123
Summary: What is the goal of this fanfic? To complete a parody oneshot of every single Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Monsters and Zero shipping that ever was - yes, including the totally crack ones. No lemon/lime, warnings on everything that needs them, all chapters are self - contained. I'm at 48 oneshots, and I take requests for pairings to go early. CURRENTLY BEING REWRITTEN.
1. UPDATED Intro, List of Ships, RQ Rules

**UPDATE 23/3/2013: **The Rewriting has begun, and will be completed over the next few weekends (we're at forty-nine oneshots, so it'll take a while!). The majority of fics will simply have a ton more detail, lulz, and correct spacing added to them, with minor plot holes corrected. However, there are a select few fics whose plots are nonexistent, horrific, or serious. These are being are going to have to be rewritten right from the plot up - and therefore are being corrected for grammar, flaw listings, and linebreaks, then put to one side to be totally overhauled at a later date.

When I've rewritten everything but those few fics in need of total overhaul, the Protectshipping fic will be posted, and things will continue in their usual pattern. The earlier stories needed a lot more work than the later ones (which mostly need a good spacing fix and dialogue breaks), so most of the hard work's done.

Rewritten and/or Passed Quality Check: 14/49

- Admireshipping  
- Adoptshipping  
- Akinshipping  
- Amoshipping  
- Analogshipping  
- Angstshipping  
- Anruishipping  
- Antagoshipping  
- Battleshipping  
- Revolutionshipping  
- Deathshipping  
- Tragedyshipping  
- Ponytailshipping  
- Driveshipping

Whole Plot Overhaul Needed: 2/49

- Altershipping  
- Apocalypshipping

* * *

Disclaimer for this and all following one-shots: Yu-Gi-Oh ain't mine. Any other fandom or work I reference is also not mine, unless somewhere stated that it's one of my fics. Insert a terrible ("But if it was...") joke here.

**Note: I leave my responses to Anonymous or Guest Reviews at the top of the chapter that was reviewed, and I leave them there for a week.**

So... Shipping Lampooned.

What is this? Well, it's a series of silly, stupid, awkward, and occasionally very serious one–shots - with a given pairing being parodied in each. The point of doing this is just to poke a little bit of fun at some of the pairings out there – I have NOTHING against any of the ships, nor do I have a particular preference for any one ship. I'm not saying any of these are impossible… just pointing out how they could fail. I'll be running them in alphabetical order for now – **but if someone requests that a specific ship go next, I'll be happy to do that. **These ships are known as RQ ships, and are currently located at the end of the normal list - these one-shots include Puppyshipping, Puzzleshipping, Revolutionshipping, and even Yuumeishipping! There's a good chance that even though I'm on the Bs alphabetically, a very popular ship may already have been already covered - so if you're looking for your favourite/most hated ship, I'd recommend having a look there.

Due to the large number of ships, and the way things are arranged, the most recent addition to the list is marked with a 'NEW', and placed at the end of the list for easy access.  
**  
**Currently, you can request as many times as you like - **please read the rules on that first, since there's a whole lot of pairings that I won't take RQs for!**

This whole intro is mostly here to explain how each one-shot works; so if you don't want to know, just go onto the ships.

As for the one-shots themselves: First, we have this section:

_Flaws of the pairing/triangle/ship: _In this section, I talk about the major flaws of each pairing.

**Warnings: **This section is a list of warnings. The basic ones to choose from are: Fluff, Suggestive Language, OOC/Drunk [Character Name], AU [comes with a description] Swearing, Violence, and Clean - however, I will inform peoples of any things in the specific one-shot that could be offensive.

Mind you, I do try and keep things clean.

**Names: **Names for the characters will probably vary between the Japanese and American versions from story to story, so there's a short name list at the top of each one with the names of the involved characters for your convenience.

After this, the story begins.

A few last things, before I move on to the RQing rules:

- Unless otherwise stated in the warnings section, the characters will attempt to stay in character. This is pretty difficult with _some_ of those pairings, but I'll still be trying**.****  
**

– There will be absolutely **NO **lemon/lime/citrus stories.

**Interludes:  
**Some of the oneshots (ie the 50th, the 100th, numbers like that) will be 'interludes' - they will not be covering a pairing, but they will be parodying shipping/fanfiction in general. Here's a few ideas I've had for them:**  
- **Characters of YGO discover the wonderful world of fanfiction.

- In character rant (ie I write from Yugi's perspective) about getting shipped in general.  
- In character reactions to the most popular ships for that character.  
- Or even something more specific - Kaiba writes an angry letter to his fangirls, Jounouchi discovers doujinshi, Marik reads a Thiefshipping fic (that I'd either write myself, or someone could volunteer their own - haven't decided yet), that sort of thing.

**Rules on Requesting**- since I evidently haven't made them clear enough:

- **You can request as many times as you like - but you can only request one ship at a time (you can give me a few to choose one from, though!)**

- From now on, every fifth chapter will be from the normal order - otherwise I'll never get through the damn list properly, XDD.

- Leave your request as a **review**, on any chapter you wish. **You can PM me if you want to, but I do prefer reviews** - if only because I can have all my guest and member requests in one place.

**I will take requests for:**  
– _Named_ DM or Zero ships – which includes all crack pairings, self ships, Duel Monster ships, and ships with more than two characters.

**I won't take requests for:**  
– Shippings with one or more **anime–only characters**, or characters who recieved all their development in the anime or the movies.  
- These include, but are not limited to:** Noa Kaiba, Raphael, Dartz, Rebecca, Knights of Atlantis, Iorei, Anubis and Cadeline**– Miho did turn up in the manga, and so her shippings will be included in the shiplists... for now.

– Shippings with one or more characters introduced in the** Millennium World** Arc.  
- These include, but aren't limited to: **Thief King Bakura, Priest Seto, Karim, Mahhaado, Pharaoh Atem, Akhenaden, Mana, Shada, Kisara, and Priestess Isis**.  
-** Zorc parings are ALLOWED, since he did show up in Monster World.**

– Shippings with characters from **5DS, GX, or ZEXAL.**  
– Shippings with **OCs.**  
– **Unnamed** shippings.  
- A ship that's **already been done or RQed.**

The pairings below will be covered; however, feel free to suggest ships that are not here and don't break my rules.

**SHIPPING LISTS  
KEY:  
**Pairing = Still needs to be done  
_Pairing_= Has been completed, and may or may not be posted up already. I don't generally post more than one a day, even if I happen to have more than one completed. With a bit of luck, I'll post one one–shot a week – every Sunday, a new one will go up. I do aim to put up more than one a week, though.  
**_Pairing_**= Is currently in – progress.

**Request List:  
**_Moneyshipping (Seto X Seto's ego) – Requested to go early, by Scaehime-KingofKing's Daughter.__  
__Puzzleshipping (Yami Yugi X Yugi) – Requested to go early, by Lover333._  
_Batteryshipping (Katsuya x Yami Bakura x Ryou)  
__Puppyshipping (Seto X Katsuya) - Requested to go early, by Hawksfeather._  
_Danceshipping (Anzu X Mai Kujaku) - Requested to go early, by Hawksfeather._  
_Manipulashipping (Marik x Anzu) - Requested to go early, by the two guests C.p.f syndrome and Lazy._  
_Thornshipping (Yami Marik x Anzu) - Requested to go early, by the guest ForgotMyName._  
_Defershipping (Shaadi x Marik) - Requested to go early, by the guest Storm._  
_Yuumeishipping (Yami Marik x Marik x Yami Bakura x Ryou x Yami Yugi x Yugi) - Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion._  
_Bronzeshipping (Yami Marik x Marik) - Requested to go early, by the guest LiveLoveHope c._  
_Hikarishipping (Marik x Ryou x Yugi) - Requested to go early, by Hawksfeather._  
_Yamishipping (Yami Marik x Yami Bakura x Yami Yugi) - Requested to go early, by Hawksfeathe_r.  
_Cageshipping (Yami Bakura x Yami Yugi x Marik) - Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion._  
_Naiveshipping (Ryou x Yugi x Anzu) - Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion._  
_Lampshipping (Yami Bakura X a lamp) - Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion._  
_Revolutionshipping (Yami Yugi x Anzu) - Requested to go early, by Aqua girl 007._  
Deathshipping (Yami Marik x Ryou) - Requested to go early, by HikariJinx13.  
_Tragedyshipping (Marik X Amane) - Requested to go early, by the guest CookiesAndSugar._  
_Ponytailshipping (Bakura X Marik X Otogi) - Requested to go early, by the guest Soka._  
_Driveshipping (Marik x Mai) - Requested to go early, by KaylaKissesKangaroos._  
_Protectshipping (Hiroto x Ryou) - Requested to go early, by the guest Mazaki-sensei._ **Was lost; needs to be rewritten.**  
_Tendershipping (Yami Bakura X Ryou) - Requested to go early, by Albino Shadowz._**Was lost; needs to be rewritten.**  
_Searchshipping (Yami Marik x Rishid x Marik x Isis)- Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion._**Was lost; needs to be rewritten.**  
Cunishipping (AnzuxMaixShizuka)- Requested to go early, by Hawksfeather.  
Butterflyshipping (Anzu x Mai x Ryou) -Requested to go early, by Christina Bakura.  
**  
Alphabetical Ship** **List:**

**A**  
_Admireshipping (Kotsuzaka x Mokuba)  
Adoptshipping (Gozaburo x Seto)  
Akinshipping (Sugoroku x Ryouta)  
Altershipping (Ryo Bakura X Marik Ishtar X Yami Marik)  
Amoshipping (Katsuya x Mai x Shizuka)  
Analogshipping (Hiroto x Ryou x Anzu)  
Angstshipping (Marik x Ryou)  
Anruishipping (Shadi x Yugi)  
Antagoshipping (Yami Bakura x Seto)**  
**__Apocalypshipping (Yami Marik x Seto x Isis)__  
Apparishipping (Roba x Kotsuzaka)__  
Aptshipping (Hiroto x Isis)  
Aquaintanceshipping (Hiroto x Roba)  
Ardentshipping (Hiroto x Shizuka)_  
_Argenshipping (Pegasus x Ryou)_  
_Aromashipping (Ryouta x Hiroto x Katsuya)  
Arrogantshipping (Seto x Mai)_  
_Ateloshipping (Keith x Pegasus)_  
_Avishipping (Yami Yugi x Isis)  
__Awareshipping (Ryuuji x Marik x Ryou)_  
_Azureshipping (Seto x Anzu)  
_**B**  
_Balanceshipping (Shaadi x Isis x Ryou)_  
_Balladshipping (Ryouta x Ryou x Shizuka)_  
_Bananashipping (Hiroto x Marik)_  
_Bandageshipping (Yami Bakura x Ryou x Shizuka)_  
_Barshipping (Keith x Katsuya x Hiroto x Yugi)  
Battleshipping (Seto x Katsuya x Yugi)_  
Beachshipping (Katsuya x Ryouta x Shizuka)  
Behalfshipping (Roba x Ryou)  
Bickershipping (Marik x Katsuya x Seto)  
Biteshipping (Seto x Possessed Katsuya x Yugi)  
Bittershipping (Pegasus x Hiroto)  
Bladeshipping (Pandora x Yugi)  
Blameshipping (Possessed Katsuya x Anzu)  
Blankshipping (Katsuya x Shogo)  
Bloodshipping (Yami Marik x Gozaburo)  
Bondangeshipping (Yami Marik x Ryuuji)  
Boothshipping (Keith x Seto x Katsuya x Shizuka)  
Boxshipping (Mokuba x Anzu)  
Breathshipping (Shaadi x Cyndia)  
Bribeshipping (Mai x Ryuzaki)  
Bruiseshipping (Hiroto x Katsuya x Ryuzaki)  
Brutalshipping (Keith x Ryuzaki)  
Buddyshipping (Hiroto x Katsuya)  
Burntshipping (Keith x Yami Yugi x Yugi)  
Butterflyshipping (Ryou x Mai x Anzu)  
**C**  
Cakeshipping (Cyndia x Mokuba)  
Candleshipping (Yami Bakura x Seto x Ryou)  
Cardshipping (Sugoroku x Yugi)  
Careshipping (Hiroto x Shizuka x Yugi)  
Carmenshipping (Yami Marik x Yami Bakura x Seto)  
Ceoshipping (Pegasus x Seto x Ryuuji)  
Chanceshipping (Seto x Ryuuji x Yugi)  
Changeshipping (Ryuuji x Marik)  
Chaseshipping (Hiroto x Ryuuji)  
Cheatshipping (Katsuya x Roba)  
Cheershipping (Ryuuji x Shizuka)  
Chibishipping (Yugi x Mokuba)  
Circleshipping (Hiroto x Katsuya x Miho)  
Clashshipping (Yami Marik x Yami Yugi)  
Clearshipping (Seto x Yugi x Mokuba)  
Cliffshipping (Katsuya's otousan x Katsuya)  
Clingshipping (Yugi x Anzu x Mokuba)  
Coastershipping (Ryuzaki x Roba)  
Coerceshipping (Strings x Kotsuzaka)  
Coinshipping (Anzu x Miho)  
Conceitshipping (Yami Bakura x Mai)  
Conditionshipping (Gozaburo x Mokuba)  
Conscriptshipping (Gozaburo x Seto x Mokuba)  
Conspireshipping (Yami Marik x Yami Bakura x Marik x Ryou)  
Controlshipping (Marik x Noa)  
Copeshipping (Keith x Anzu x Shizuka)  
Copyshipping (Katsuya x Mai x Anzu)  
Counselshipping (Yami Yugi x Ryuuji x Isis)  
Covershipping (Keith x Pandora)  
Creepshipping (Haga x Kotsuzaka)  
Crestshipping (Seto x Isis x Shaadi)  
Crosshipping (Yami Marik x Yugi)  
Crownshipping (Pegasus x Anzu)  
Crushshipping (Hiroto x Ryuuji x Shizuka)  
Crypticshipping (Shaadi x Rishid)  
Crystalshipping (Anzu x Mana)  
Cunishipping (Mai x Anzu x Shizuka)  
Curveshipping (Rishid x Marik x Katsuya)  
**D**  
Danceshipping (Mai x Anzu)  
Dangershipping (Yami Marik x Seto)  
Darkshipping (Yami Bakura x Yami Yugi)  
Dashshipping (Miho x Shizuka)  
Defershipping (Shaadi x Marik)  
Deignshipping (Shaadi x Yami Yugi x Yugi)  
Delusionshipping (Pandora x Cadeline)  
Demiseshipping (Keith x Isis x Marik)  
Denyshipping (Yami Bakura x Yami Yugi x Anzu)  
Depthshipping (Gozaburo x Pegasus)  
Devotionshipping (Katsuya x Anzu)  
Diamondshipping (Yami Marik x Yami Bakura x Mai)  
Diceshipping (Yami Bakura x Ryuuji)  
Distrustshipping (Seto x Shaadi)  
Doomshipping (Yami Marik x Yami Bakura x Mokuba)  
Doubtshipping (Seto x Marik x Ryou)  
Downshipping (Keith x Cyndia)  
Dragonshipping (Katsuya x Yami Yugi)  
Dramashipping (Katsuya x Ryouta)  
Dreamshipping (Katsuya x Yugi x Mai)  
Dripshipping (Ryouta x Anzu)  
Droidshipping (Yami Yugi x Strings)  
Dulcetshipping (Mai x Isis x Shizuka)  
Dungeonshipping (Pegasus x Ryuuji)  
Dustshipping (Yami Marik x Cadeline)

**E**  
Ecoshipping (Ryouta x Haga)  
Egoshipping (Keith x Seto x Mai)  
Eliteshipping (Keith x Seto)  
Ettushipping (Seto x Katsuya x Mai)  
Euroshipping (Seto x Ryou)  
Executeshipping (Yami Marik x Shaadi)  
Exodushipping (Katsuya x Yugi x Haga)  
Exoticshipping (Yami Bakura x Isis)  
Eyeshipping (Yami Bakura x Pegasus)  
**F**  
Fadeshipping (Yami Marik x Katsuya)  
Fakeshipping (Yami Marik x Katsuya x Marik)  
Fallenshipping (Pandora x Marik)  
Falseshipping (Strings x Cadeline)  
Faultshipping (Seto x Anzu x Mokuba)  
Fawnshipping (Pegasus x Haga)  
Fearshipping (Yami Marik x Isis)  
Feathershipping (Yami Yugi x Katsuya x Yugi)  
Feignshipping (Yami Marik x Pegasus x Ryuuji)  
Femmeshipping (Mai x Isis x Anzu)  
Fetishipping (Yami Marik x Marik x Yami Bakura)  
Figureshipping (Isis x Mai x Anzu x Shizuka)  
Flareshipping (Seto x Yami Yugi x Yugi)  
Flickshipping (Yami Kamen x Hikari no Kamen x Yami Yugi x Seto)  
Flippantshipping (Ryuuji x Mai)  
Flurryshipping (Ryou x Yugi x Mokuba)  
Fogshipping (Seto x Ryouta)  
Fontshipping (Marik x Ryouta)  
Foreshipping (Isis x Yugi)  
Forlornshipping (Pegasus x Pandora)  
Fossilshipping (Ryuzaki x Kotsuzaka)  
Fragileshipping (Yami Yugi x Ryou)  
Furyshipping (Yami Marik x Katsuya x Seto x Yami Yugi)  
**G**  
Gainshipping (Yami Yugi x Ryouta)  
Gambleshipping (Ryuuji x Katsuya x Isis)  
Gameshipping (Yami Yugi x Ryuuji)  
Gentianshipping (Marik x Isis x Shizuka)  
Giftshipping (Hiroto x Katsuya x Yugi x Miho)  
Gingershipping (Keith x Shizuka)  
Gothshipping (Ryou x Kotsuzaka)  
Graceshipping (Ryou x Isis)  
Greedshipping (Ushio x Yugi)  
Grudgeshipping (Pegasus x Seto x Yugi)  
Gypshipping (Katsuya x Ryuzaki)  
**H**  
Hairshipping (Hiroto x Yami Yugi)  
Halfshipping (Ryou x Miho)  
Hangshipping (Yami Bakura x Keith x Seto)  
Hauntshipping (Yami Marik x Kotsuzaka)  
Hazelshipping (Ryou x Yugi x Isis)  
Hazeshipping (Ryouta x Ryou)  
Heartshipping (Ryou x Yugi)  
Hellshipping (Sakate x Takaido x Kotsuzaka)  
Heroshipping (Magnum x Katsuya)  
Hideshipping (Pegasus x Yugi)  
Hikarishipping (Marik x Ryou x Yugi)  
Holeshipping (Yami Yugi x Seto x Marik)  
Honorshipping (Ryouta x Yami Yugi x Yugi)  
Hopeshipping (Anzu x Ryou x Shizuka)  
Hostshipping (Ryou x Anzu)  
Hydrashipping (Ryouta x Ryuzaki)

**I**  
Idolshipping (Keith x Kotsuzaka)  
Illogicshipping (Seto x Isis x Shizuka)  
Illusionshipping (Yami Marik x Mai)  
Immatureshipping (Katsuya x Noa)  
Imoutoshipping (Shizuka x Amane)  
Incestshipping (Seto x Isis x Katsuya x Mokuba x Marik x Shizuka)  
Intentshipping (Yami Bakura x Mokuba)  
Interfereshipping (Yami Marik x Katsuya x Mai)  
Intimidashipping (Keith x Yugi)  
Invalidshipping (Shaadi x Ryou)  
Irateshipping (Marik x Katsuya)  
Issueshipping (Katsuya x Seto x Isis)  
Itemshipping (Yami Yugi x Seto x Isis)

**J**  
Jackalshipping (Shaadi x Katsuya)  
Jadeshipping (Ryuuji x Isis)

**K**  
Kamenshipping (Yami Kamen x Hikari no Kamen)  
Kamishipping (Seto x Katsuya x Yami Yugi)  
Kickshipping (Katsuya x Hiroto x Ryuuji)  
Kindleshipping (Seto x Isis x Marik)  
Kleptoshipping (Yami Bakura x Yugi)  
**L**  
Labelshipping (Haga x Mokuba)  
Labyrinthshipping (Mei x Kyuu)  
Leadshipping (Keith x Katsuya x Yami Yugi)  
Leafshipping (Yami Yugi x Ushio)  
Leathershipping (Keith x Yami Yugi)  
Liberashipping (Marik x Yugi)  
Liftshipping (Katsuya x Hiroto x Ryuuji x Mai)  
Lineshipping (Seto x Hiroto x Miho)  
Losshipping (Ryuzaki x Roba x Haga)  
Lotusshipping (Seto x Noa x Mokuba)  
**M**  
Mahoshipping (Pandora x Roba)  
Mainshipping (Seto x Katsuya x Yami Yugi x Yugi)  
Mallowshipping (Ryou x Isis x Shizuka)  
Marbleshipping (Ryuzaki x Ryou)  
Marshipping (Rishid x Pegasus)  
Maskedshipping (Yami Kamen x Hikari no Kamen x Pandora)  
Mastershipping (Seto x Ryuuji)  
Mechashipping (Keith x Roba)  
Mentorshipping (Sugoroku x Katsuya)  
Mercyshipping (Ryou x Cyndia)  
Messageshipping (Yami Yugi x Yugi x Seto x Mokuba)  
Midshipping (Hiroto x Katsuya x Yugi)  
Mindslaveshipping (Keith x Strings)  
Minorshipping (Ryuuji x Ryou)  
Mintshipping (Roba x Haga)  
Mirrorshipping (Seto x Noa)  
Mistshipping (Ryouta x Ryuuji)  
Mnemoshipping (Yami Yugi x Marik)  
Morishipping (Yami Bakura x Hiroto)  
Motivateshipping (Keith x Katsuya x Mai)  
Motorshipping (Hiroto x Marik x Katsuya)  
Muddleshipping (Hiroto x Seto x Ryuuji x Ryou x Shizuka)  
Mumbleshipping (Seto x Ryuuji x Ryou)  
Mystshipping (Isis x Anzu)  
Mythshipping (Isis x Marik)  
**N**  
Necroshipping (Yami Marik x Yami Bakura x Ryou)  
Negateshipping (Yami Marik x Rishid)  
Noteshipping (Katsuya x Hiroto x Anzu)  
Nurseshipping (Mai x Shizuka)  
**O**  
Obscureshipping (Shaadi x Isis)  
Obstinateshipping (Seto x Hiroto x Ryuuji)  
Occultshipping (Yami Bakura x Kotsuzaka)  
Offershipping (Ryuuji x Yugi)  
Opticshipping (Pegasus x Shizuka)  
Orchidshipping (Cyndia x Ryuuji)  
Orchisshipping (Isis x Anzu x Shizuka)  
Ordershipping (Marik x Possessed Katsuya)  
Otoutoshipping (Roba x Kyouto)  
Overlookshipping (Roba x Mokuba)  
**P**  
Parasiteshipping (Katsuya x Haga)  
Passionshipping (Pegasus x Katsuya)  
Pastelshipping (Marik x Roba)  
Peachshipping (Anzu x Yugi)  
Pedocestshipping (Roba x Ryouri)  
Persevereshipping (Ryuuji x Anzu)  
Pervertshipping (Sugoroku x Anzu)  
Pestshipping (Haga x Anzu)  
Petshipping (Seto x Katsuya x Ryuuji)  
Philtreshipping (Yami Bakura x Mana)  
Pillowshipping (Ryuzaki x Haga x Mai)  
Plundershipping (Yami Bakura x Yami Yugi x Katsuya)  
Poemshipping (Yugi x Miho)  
Polarshipping (Katsuya x Mai)  
Pompshipping (Seto x Miho)  
Powdershipping (Seto x Ryou x Shizuka)  
Powershipping (Seto x Marik)  
Prankshipping (Katsuya x Seto x Noa x Mokuba)  
Pressureshipping (Sakate x Kotsuzaka)  
Prideshipping (Seto x Yami Yugi)  
Prizeshipping (Seto x Mokuba x Yami Yugi)  
Promiseshipping (Yami Yugi x Yugi x Mokuba)  
Prophetshipping (Isis x Roba)  
Psycheshipping (Mai x Roba)  
Psychoshipping (Yami Marik x Yami Bakura)  
Puffshipping (Katsuya x Ryou)  
Pullshipping (Keith x Yami Bakura x Marik)  
Puppetshipping (Marik x Strings)  
Puppyshipping (Seto x Katsuya)  
**R**  
Razorshipping (Pandora x Yami Yugi)  
Redeemshipping (Pegasus x Yami Yugi)  
Refuseshipping (Marik's otousan x Rishid)  
Refineshipping (Pegasus x Mai)  
Regalshipping (Yami Yugi x Mai)  
Releaseshipping (Yami Yugi x Marik x Ryou)  
Relyshipping (Katsuya x Shizuka)  
Rendershipping (Pegasus x Seto x Katsuya)  
Rerunshipping (Yami Bakura x Noa)  
Resistshipping (Yugi x Shogo)  
Respectshipping (Yami Yugi x Mokuba)  
Rhythmshipping (Mei x Kyuu x Yami Yugi x Katsuya)  
Ribbonshipping (Hiroto x Ryuuji x Miho)  
Riddleshipping (Mei x Kyuu x Yami Yugi)  
Rivalshipping (Seto x Yugi)  
Rivetshipping (Keith x Pegasus x Rishid)  
Roseshipping (Pegasus x Cyndia)  
Rougeshipping (Pegasus x Siegfried)  
Ruffleshipping (Pegasus x Ryuuji x Mokuba)  
Ruseshipping (Rishid x Marik)  
**S**  
Safetyshipping (Yami Bakura x Hiroto x Ryou)  
Saffronshipping (Marik x Katsuya x Mai)  
Sailshipping (Ryouta x Mai)  
Screamshipping (Yami Bakura x Shizuka)  
Secondshipping (Pegasus x Ryuzaki)  
Sedateshipping (Marik x Shizuka)  
Sennenshipping (All the Millennium Items X Each Other)  
Sepulchershipping (Yami Bakura x Rishid)  
Shabonshipping (Katsuya x Ryouta x Noa)  
Shackleshipping (Marik x Mai x Mokuba)  
Shakeshipping (Takaido x Kotsuzaka)  
Shameshipping (Rishid x Marik x Isis)  
Shieldshipping (Katsuya x Seto x Shizuka)  
Shimmershipping (Ryuuji x Mokuba)  
Shinshipping (Possessed Katsuya x Yami Yugi)  
Shoreshipping (Ryouta x Shizuka)  
Shotshipping (Keith x Ryou)  
Shrimpshipping (Ryuzaki x Haga)  
Siblingshipping (Mokuba x Shizuka)  
Sideshipping (Anzu x Shizuka)  
Sightshipping (Pegasus x Isis)  
Silentshipping (Seto x Shizuka)  
Silvershipping (Sugoroku x Pegasus)  
Slaveshipping (Pegasus x Mokuba)  
Sleepshipping (Marik x Possessed Katsuya x Rishid)  
Slipshipping (Katsuya x Miho)  
Snapshipping (Seto x Katsuya x Miho)  
Snareshipping (Katsuya x Ryuuji)  
Softshipping (Ryou x Shizuka)  
Soloshipping (Rishid x Mai)  
Sororshipping (Isis x Shizuka)  
Spaceshipping (Yami Marik x Shizuka)  
Spatshipping (Seto x Katsuya x Mokuba x Shizuka)  
Spazzshipping (Yami Bakura x Katsuya)  
Spearshipping (Ryouta x Yugi)  
Spiceshipping (Keith x Seto x Shizuka)  
Spikeshipping (Hiroto x Yugi)  
Spiritshipping (Yami Yugi x Anzu x Yugi)  
Sprayshipping (Seto x Ryouta x Shizuka)  
Stakeshipping (Keith x Mai)  
Stalkshipping (Seto x Ryou x Miho)  
Standshipping (Rishid x Katsuya)  
Starshipping (Seto x Yami Yugi x Ryuuji)  
Startleshipping (Keith x Anzu)  
Staticshipping (Possessed Katsuya x Pandora)  
Steelshipping (Keith x Yami Bakura)  
Stubbornshipping (Hiroto x Seto)  
Summonshipping (Yami Marik x Rishid x Marik)  
Supplyshipping (Sugoroku x Gozaburo)  
Supportshipping (Hiroto x Anzu)  
Sweetshipping (Ryou x Mokuba)  
Swiftshipping (Katsuya x Isis)  
Symbioshipping (Ryouta x Roba)  
**T**

Tabloidshipping (Seto x Mokuba)  
Tangleshipping (Ryouta x Ryuzaki x Roba x Haga)  
Tasselshipping (Seto x Roba)  
Tauntshipping (Pegasus x Marik x Yami Yugi x Seto)  
Teaseshipping (Seto x Katsuya x Ryou)  
Tendershipping (Yami Bakura x Ryou)  
Thiefshipping (Yami Bakura x Marik)  
Threadshipping (Yami Marik x Marik x Strings x Yami Yugi)  
Tieshipping (Hiroto x Miho)  
Tiltshipping (Keith x Katsuya x Yugi)  
Timidshipping (Yugi x Shizuka)  
Tipshipping (Sugoroku x Katsuya x Yugi)  
Tombshipping (Pegasus x Marik)  
Toonshipping (Pegasus x Seto)  
Tornshipping (Yami Bakura x Ryou x Marik)  
Toughshipping (Keith x Katsuya)  
Tourneyshipping (Yami Yugi x Haga)  
Towershipping (Yami Marik x Seto x Katsuya)  
Trackshipping (Yami Bakura x Shaadi)  
Tradeshipping (Sugoroku x Seto)  
Tragicshiping (Keith x Pegasus x Cyndia)  
Trapshipping (Yami Bakura x Yami Yugi x Ryou x Yugi)  
Trenchshipping (Hiroto x Haga)  
Trendshipping (Miho x Anzu x Shizuka)  
Trustshipping (Seto x Isis)  
Tuftshipping (Ryuzaki x Mokuba)  
Turbulenceshipping (Seto x Yami Yugi x Ryou)  
Twistedshipping (Shaadi x Pegasus)  
**U**  
Unlikelyshipping (Marik X Haga)  
Unlockshipping (Shaadi x Yami Yugi)  
**V**  
Veershipping (Keith x Isis)  
Vengeanceshipping (Keith x Marik)  
Vexshipping (Yami Bakura x Anzu)  
Vigilshipping (Mai x Ryou)  
Villageshipping (Mei x Kyuu x Katsuya)  
Visionshipping (Mai x Isis)  
**W**  
Wallshipping (Rishid x Shizuka)  
Warnshipping (Yami Bakura x Isis x Ryou)  
Whispershipping (Seto x Possessed Katsuya)  
Windshipping (Ryou x Yugi x Shizuka)  
Winshipping (Pegasus x Katsuya x Yugi)  
Wishshipping (Katsuya x Yugi)  
Wreckshipping (Yami Marik x Yami Yugi x Seto)  
**X**  
Xenoshipping (Rishid x Isis)  
**Y**  
Yujoshipping (Possessed Katsuya x Yugi)

So, let's go! GET YER GAME ON–  
Wrong series. Oops…  
––––––––


	2. Admireshipping(Ghost Kotsuzaka x Mokuba)

**Admireshipping** (Ghost Kotsuzaka X Mokuba Kaiba)

_Flaws of the pairing: _Let's start with the obvious: Ghost has never met Mokuba in canon. Ghost is also highly unlikely to meet Mokuba face-to-face; he's a mediocre duelist, a guy who hangs out with criminals, and in general someone who the little brother of Seto Kaiba isn't about to associate with. That alone turns this into a very onesided sort of affair; assuming that Ghost somehow falls for Mokuba, it's very unlikely that Mokuba's about to notice it. At most, he'd probably get Ghost arrested, assuming that Mokuba was behaving as his early manga self; otherwise, he'd just ignore it.

Assuming that a good author manages to get them together - I'm not sure how that would happen exactly, but it could - dear Ghost is still going to have a very hard time with Mokuba's big brother. A very, _very _hard time, because Kaiba cares deeply for Mokuba. Do you really think the overprotective sibling is going to let his little brother associate with Ghost? Do you?

There's not much more I can really say about this.

**Warnings: **None.

**Time Period: **A week before Battle City.

**Names:  
**Seto Kaiba = Kaiba  
Ghost Kotsuzaka/Bones = Ghost  
Mokuba Kaiba = Mokuba

It feels like an age ago when Bandit Keith himself, my idol, stood in front of me, giving me my orders for my very first duel. We were on a tropical island; the air was warm and sticky; I can remember the droplets collecting under my hoodie, and fervently wishing that I hadn't worn it. Point is, those words that came out of my mentor's mouth were to become the creed I lived by, live by.

He died shortly after that - well, I _think _he died. I've no clue how or why, my gang just sort of decided that if he was dead, it'd be for the best, because Keith was a bastard and there was no way we were going to work for him if he hit us. The _point_ is, his words guided me along, even if he wasn't there to hit me. Now I'm standing in this school corridor, glancing around for my target; I memorized the picture a while back.

_Long black hair, falling to the small of his back. About my height. Blue eyes like his brother's. Kinda pretty, maybe if he was a girl..._

_Oops. Probably shouldn't think about that. _With a grunt, I turn my mind back on Keith, those heroic words... maybe I exaggerate there, but they had some sort of impact on me. And if I said that he was using 'strong words'... well, you get the idea. I mean, he _did _swear an awful lot - but I digress.

So, he stood at nearly twice my height, and he said as I craned my neck up to see him; "Okay, Ghost. This is your big break. When you duel the idiot blonde, don't care about the rules. Take all his star chips. And don't worry about his feelings; I want you to break this one. Show me that you can."

I'll admit that I was surprised by that; I thought he was going to give me another epic card for my deck or something. "Bu-"

"You're out to win – money's all that matters, right?"

He'd been repeating things like this for the whole of the island trip - if we all did really well, we'd get a share of the million dollars Pegasus was offering. I can remember looking up at him in those moments before my first duel, and not doubting his motives for an instant, believing that what he said really was a great rule to live by.

And even when I lost that duel, and he betrayed me and my two friends shortly after, I guess I kind of understood why he did it. For him, nothing mattered but money, anything went when he was out to get it.

Applying this to my life had rich rewards; we broke into people's houses, we bought whatever we liked, we stole rare cards and collected the lucrative rewards offered for finding them, we became bolder and bolder, and eventually all three of us were considered for a position in a _real _street gang; the Rare Hunters. Standing in the school corridor... well, this is my initiation ceremony. Steal a card off a good-looking guy; foil his bodyguards, get him all alone, and demand the goods at knifepoint.

_Maybe demand something else, too. It'll be just me and him, so-_

And yet again I brush a flurry of perverted thoughts out of my head; the guy is good looking, but he's a _guy._ Completely out of bounds and all that.

"I'm looking for Yu-gi. Can you lead me to Yu-gi?"

There he was, right in my face, an absolutely fake smile gracing his thin lips. God, the pictures hadn't lied; this guy really was attractive. I gulped. "Erm... Well, uh-"

"I've got a special card that Big Brother wants to show off to Yugi." A golden box was procured from the folds of his jacket - the goods, right there. Thinking quickly, I glance to the left and right.

No guards over there.

Or over there.

_Safe?_

_Guess so._

_Why am I talking to myself again?_

_Dunno._

I stare at the box for several seconds; I could snatch it right off this guy, right out of his hands, and then I could just run and run and he wouldn't find me. My mission would be accomplished, and...

And I'd never get to see him again.

Looking at him, I decide that if I discount the square jaw, his face could be that of a chick's. And he's awfully pretty, possibly even more so than the photos. I've got a crush, and here he is, there's an opportunity to get him on his own...

"Hey, Zombie-face! You gonna help me or not?"

Well, the cards might as well be in my hand right this minute. I deserve a girl, and even if this isn't a girl it's close. I grin back at him. "I can show you where he is. But it'll cost you."

He shrugs, pulling out a wallet, "How much?"

I push it away as he waves it under my nose, certain that I'm grinning like a maniac now; not that I care. I've as good as completed my assignment now; it's celebration time. "No, no." I turn on my heel, beckoning over my shoulder. "I'll take you to him first. Payment later."

* * *

I take him to an alleyway, and don't even bother dueling him for the card – there's not really any point. I just punch him in the stomach, snatch the wallet full of cash from his pocket, and whip out my knife. "Changed my mind. Pay up."

"But you've got my wallet!", he points out, and I grin even wider.

"That's not what I'm after. Gimme that special card, _now._"

Those pretty blue eyes narrow, and he goes to reply - but I push the tip of the knife that much closer to his delicate jugular, pulsing in his neck. "Think carefully about your answer."

Without another word, he hands over the gold box, and I smirk, taking a quick peek at the contents. Obelisk the Tormentor, sitting right here in my sweaty palms. Arkana will be impressed at the very least; perhaps I will get special promotion...

"Are you done?"

I growl, looking at him, those features, those lips, and...

Yes. Even if it's just for a few minutes, it's not like anyone's going to find me once I've become a Rare Hunter. So, I lean in, and I whisper as romantically as I can; "No. I'm not done."

He laughs, and I feel like a total idiot; my voice sounded too squeaky when I whispered. "H-hey! Don't laugh!"

"Not my fault you sound like a Chipmunk", he snorts, and I growl, lunging forward to force his lips against mine and-

CRACK!

"Owww! You headbutted me!"

He checks his fingernails. "I'll have to have you sued for damaging my forehead. But before that..."

TWHACK!

Seto Kaiba himself now fills my view, steel capped briefcase in one hand and a gun in the other. "So, the bait was successful."He is very close now, blue eyes boring laserlike into mine, his voice a deadly growl.

"No–one, _no–one_ steals from KaibaCorp and gets away with it. You hurt my brother – ergo, you have insulted and hurt the pride of KaibaCorp." Kaiba's eyes flash absolute murder, and I shiver as he goes on: "You're just lucky I didn't follow you back and set fire to whatever shack you live in, thief. Get up, scum."

He kicks me in the side, and I yelp, curling into a ball. "Get up!", he growls again - and somehow I roll to my feet, desperate and looking for an escape – but there is none, just a very angry older brother with a gun pointed directly at my head.

"Hand over the card."

With a whimper, I hold out the box, and he frowns, snatching it from my grasp in a moment. "The wallet, too."

Impossible as it sounds, it's shortly after I comply that a helicopter floats over the alleyway, rotor blades spinning as it descends, a rope ladder dropping out the side brushing the ground. I can see the Kaiba gestures to the ladder with his free hand, never letting me out of his sight. "Get in."

As I do, the barrel jams into my neck, and it's held there for the entirety of the climb. We enter the cramped inside, and Kaiba makes some motion at his younger brother behind us. "Handcuffs."

_Click. Click._

They snap around my wrists, and both brothers relax a little as they force me into a seat.

_Bondage, maybe? _

Mokuba grins down at me. "Another day, another thief caught, huh?"

_Damn._

Kaiba nods without smiling. "Yes, the preparations for Battle City are going very well. Sixty thieves and pickpockets, all caught." He pauses, and Mokuba butts in.

"Hey, Zombie - Face! If you tell us where your buddies are, we'll give you something in return!"

"Anything?"

The boy sneaks a look at the darkening face of his brother and winces. "Well, providing it's not going to involve letting you out of the handcuffs, giving you any of our money or Kaiba's prize cards or the company or anything like that."

I blink, my mouth dry - this living fantasy is actually offering me a deal like that, I can't believe it. "Mmh... So, uh... How about a night with you, Mokuba? I mean, no need to take off the handcuffs, I'm good with bondage. No need for a super-fancy bed either, I once-"

The stunned looks on their faces tell me all I need to know. "- Well, what I _meant _to say was, a cookie would be sort of... um..."

Kaiba stands, addressing his pilot. "Take us to Domino Pier. Ten feet above open water."

"Ah? Um? Wh-where are you taking me-"

He doesn't reply, just drags me out of my chair and to the door. Hauls it open.

"H-hey! Wait a sec!"

I can feel his smile. "Have fun with the fishes!"

And the boot kicks me right in the rump, and I'm flying over the waves.

Not for long, obviously.


	3. Adoptshipping (Gozaburo x Seto Kaiba)

**Adoptshipping **(Gozaburo Kaiba (Kaiba's adopted father) X Seto Kaiba)

_Flaws of the pairing:_This... well, this is one heck of a perverted shipping. I mean, their ages are vastly different for starters - and Seto does accept Gozaburo as a father (albeit one he hates the hell out of). Trying to do much beyond a reconciliation fic will be extraordinarily hard to not make perverted. You can always argue that Gozaburo repeatedly drives the emotion out of Kaiba because he loves the kid, but that's not about to stop dear Seto from smiling when Gozaburo jumps out the window in the manga...

**Warnings:** None. Yes, it's a perverted pairing – but that is not actually explored here.**  
**

**Time Period: **Seto is only twelve years old here – the fic takes place after he's been with Gozaburo a few years, but before he's turned on his adopted dad.

**Names:  
**Seto Kaiba = Seto  
Gozaburo Kaiba = Gozaburo

The boy glares at his adopted father. Many years under the man's harsh word have left him cold and heartless – he just wants to get back to his studies, for if he does not he will not be efficient, and if he is not efficient then Father will have him smacked and he will not get any dinner. And this will be all Father's fault, because Father brought him out here and the boy doesn't _want _that, he wants Father to be pleased and how can he please Father if he doesn't study-

"Do you know what brought us here?" The middle aged man has spoken, and the twelve-year-old shivers next to him, not daring to look up.

"Why did you bring me here, Father?"

They're standing across the road from a church, coloured light filtering through the windows. There's a bride and a groom posing on the front lawn for flashing cameras, chattering people gathered around them.

The old man shakes his head. "I want you to tell me what you see."

Seto, typical of a twelve-year-old who has never looked at the outside world, points at the happy couple. "That silly headdress. Worst thing eve-"

"SILENCE!"

"But you told me to-"

His world goes upside down, and he hears the wedding group gasp from across the road. "No. You do _not _insult people! Bad Seto!"

There's an awful silence, and the boy waits for his smack - but it never comes. Instead, he is laid on the ground, grass blades tickling his nose, and a mumbled _apology _coming from his Father. "Tell me what you see."

The brunette doesn't hesitate. "Atoms. The carbon is bonded to the hydrogen, and so-"

"Stop." His Father picks him up, setting him down once more so that he faces the wedding couple. The older man sits next to him, putting an arm around Seto's shoulder-

SMACK!

The man heaves a heavy sigh, removing the arm before his son can hit him again – then, realizing that Seto's taking absolutely no notice of his first sigh, sighs again.

Still no reaction.

Gozaburo coughs, and the boy glares into the still air, as though he wishes murder on the couple.

"Are you unwell, Father?"

"No."

A delicate, arrogant sniff that makes his Father wince. "Very well. What would you have me learn? Teach me."

"I want you to find out for yourself. Look at the couple, and tell me what you see."

Seto practically explodes at this point, his voice sharp. "I will not have this! You must _tell _me what to see! I will never pass the test if-"

"There is no test on this", his Father growls back, and the brunette shrinks away.

"B-but... Learning is all that is important. Knowledge is power."

"No, no! It's not like that at all!" The older man tries to come closer to him, but the boy scrambles back, doing his utmost to keep his expression neutral. His Father must be testing him right now, that's it, checking on his morals and beliefs.

"It is what you say," he blurts out

"Stop making this so hard!" Gozaburo snarls in his face, and the scrawny boy moves as far away as he can from his Father. The man sighs a second time, and Seto stops, straightens into a sitting position, then stares into space once more.

After a minute, the old man tries again. "Seto, I feel… maybe I haven't been a good father."

The boy stares unblinkingly at him, the distance between them seeming impossible to cross, as though an enormous canyon has opened up between them. "You haven't."

Gozaburo reaches out for his adopted son, voice silky smooth. "Come now! Don't be so awful to Father!"

A dreadful pause."I was merely stating the truth."

The man wants to stalk right over at this stage and bring his hand down on the boy for his insolence, but he somehow restrains himself and tries a different tack.

"Look at the people over there."

With a bored look, Seto glances at the happy couple, then turns back to his adopted father. "What do you want me to learn from them?"

"They are getting married."

Even under the heat of Gozaburo's friendly smile, the blue eyes remain freezing cold. "And why exactly is this relevant?"

"It's relevant, because they love each other."

A derisive snort, one that Gozaburo fervently wishes he hadn't taught Seto. "Emotions are worthless, Father. You taught me that."

"Maybe I was wrong."

"You are always right."

A pause, as Gozaburo tries to regain control over the conversation; snatches of his own words have been fired at him with an unholy amount of venom, and he doesn't like it. "Imagine how happy they must be, to have found each other. Seto… Have you ever wondered what it would be like to find out someone loves you?"

Blue eyes flicker to the big man's hand – it's somehow found its way to Seto's shoulder, it's giving him an affectionate squeeze. "Do you know, I think I could have you sued for touching me like that. I will need to checkthe _exact _details of the charge, but I do believe it is inappropriate."

"But Seto, I am your Fath-"

"No. You are not my Father, and you will never be. You are simply 'Father'. That is a different thing."

Gozaburo sighs, and removes his hand.

_Why do I even try with this smart-alec?  
_


	4. Akinshipping (Sugoroku x Ryouta)

**Akinshipping **(Sugoroku Moto (Solomon Moto, ie Yugi's grandad) X Ryouta Kajiki (Mako Tsunami))

Named because the two bear resemblence to their kin - Kajiki is similar to his dad, and Solomon is similar to Yugi. When I first looked, I had clue why the _hell _this name wasn't given to Kajiki X Yugi (though now I know; it's because Kajiki X Yugi doesn't doesn't exist in the fandom).

_Flaws of the pairing: _Once again, it's their ages getting in the road – and to make things all the crackier, they've never met each other. Their enthusiasm is all they really have in common, to be honest. Please remember that Solomon has a GRANDKID, for heaven's sake – he's quite clearly straight! And all Kajiki ever seems to care about is fishing and dueling. I suppose the closest you could get to non-perverted romance with this ship is Kajiki being totally OOC and wanting a father; along comes Solomon to fufill that role, and Yugi gets all jealous because he'd be OOC as well.

Yeah, there is really not much one can say about this - it's hard to get them to meet, it's hard to get them to fall for each other without either looking like some sort of predator, and it's stupidly ridiculous to even think about them kissing without Solomon being younger, Kajiki being older (which would still be pretty ick), or the whole thing being an AU.

Or something. *flaps hands* Point is, it's a ship made for crack, so it's very hard to take on - yes, even when you're trying to parody it.

**Warnings: **It's perverted, even more perverted than the awkward line Solomon made when he was talking about how much her chest had grown in the early manga, when everyone was perverted and yeaaaah.

**Time Period: **The first day of Battle City.

**Names:  
**Sugoroku/Solomon Moto = Solomon Moto  
Mako Tsunami/Ryouta Kajiki = Ryouta Kajiki

* * *

_Mmm–hmmm_.

The fisherman, so very, _very_ sexy. He had muscles, he had a freakin' _harpoon_, and he had me completely ensnared in his net. If only the fisherman would come into my humble little games shop, and live there with me… though I knew it could never be, it didn't stop me from thinking about it.

I'd spent weeks admiring him from the window of my shop, silently praising Kaiba for the blessing that was Battle City; for two glorious weeks, I could oggle this hunk of meat as much as I pleased, with very little consequence. He was just so very attractive in his nature, in his appearance, in the way he flicked his ponytail over his shoulder, in the way he proudly strode about without a shirt, in the way he challenged and laughed and lost. Not only was he incredibly luscious, he reminded me of a time when I'd been just as good looking and good natured as he. Some part of my inner being longed to go outside and-

No. It couldn't be, I told myself every day. For starters, the fisherman was in love with the sea – it was his _life. _Even if I could convince him to stay – a highly unlikely prospect, since he was a total stranger – he'd probably want me to build him a pool in the backyard.

_Still, that might not be such a bad thing – especially if he swam in it all the time…_

And one day, with a jolt, I realize that I'd be happy to watch that, that I'd be happy to fork over the money.

My hand takes the doorknob, and I go outside, to be with my Fisherman.

* * *

Hours pass; he stands in the wavering shadow of the building opposite mine, and I gaze at him in adoration, utterly ignoring all the weird looks I'm getting. He's tossing a few coins in the air, whistling to himself - as the sun drops lower in the sky, his bronze skin catches the light, contrasting with the wild black bangs of his hair. He snickers to himself at some inside joke, muttering something about Battle City.

Damn, he's so sweet – by no means innocent, but so much like my younger self; an ambitious novice. I giggle, and he turns and looks at me, puzzled.

"Wadja lookin' at?"

Damn, he's noticed me - but on the other hand, I have all the wily power of my years on my side. With that in mind, I put on my very best seductive voice; the sort I'd use when I gambled years back. It's a little cracked these days, to be sure, but I work it for all it's worth, determined to lull this guy into my grip.

"Oh, I was just _wondering_ how you got your tan."

"That, eh?" He looks a little flustered, but still laughs my tones off with ease - just as I would have done at his age. "It's easy! Ah spend all ma time outside! Fishin'!"

I sidle closer as he speaks, eye him up and down, focusing particularly on those muscles of his. They ripple and gleam as he laughs in a distinctly enticing fashion; now I am closer, I take the opportunity to admire every little detail. I chuckle at the stunned look on his face as I approach, "Fishing, eh? Well, I could probably fix up a couple of my old _rods_ for you."

He frowns, seemingly oblivious to my most clever double entendre. "What's the catch?"

"Only that you come to my shop to fix them. It's only across the road, and we'd have fun with that. Besides... Do you have a place to stay the night at all?" Throwing a friendly arm around his shoulder - and somehow suppressing a shiver of delight at the feeling - I start to lead him back to my shop. To my surprise, he allows himself to be led, though he moves quite slowly; hesitantly.

"Nah. Ocean's my home."

"I have a _very warm_ bed in my spare room…" I try again, and he stops, shaking my arm from his shoulder - he's looking really awkward now. I take a moment to wonder why, then dismiss it. This guy's practically looking at his perfect mirror image here; we're soul mates, and I can just feel it. We're so much like, so much-

"Erm… No thanks."

It happens in a split second - he turns to go, I grab his elbow, and he looks at it for a second, completely dumbfounded. I break away like I've been given an electric shock; A couple of people are staring at me in horror now, and there's whispers of "Pervert!" going around.

"What was that for?", he growls, and the whispers break into soft muttering. I take one step back, then another - his gaze is challenging, almost unfriendly.

But it's only an 'almost', only an 'almost'...

I ignore the muttering, I ignore the glare of my target, and I walk forwards. "I never got to hear your name."

"Me?" He blinks a moment, surprised. "Why didn't you ask before?"

"Didn't think to." I chuckle; "My amnesia gets the best of me sometimes."

The fisherman doesn't exactly look convinced, but he nods respectfully anyway. "Name's Ryouta Kajiki, Duelist of the Sea. And you are…?"

"Sugoroku Moto."

A long silence, while recognition slowly dawns on him. "...Yugi's granddad?"

"Well, yes." The murmurs are getting louder now - and so, just to put off anyone watching, I whip out a Duel Disk that I took from the games shop. "So, care to challenge an old man?"

He yawns and stretches. "Do you have any puzzle cards?"

"No – but I have lots of rare cards you could have. I run a game shop, so I suppose... Well, I could give you any ones you want!" I lean forwards, smirking. "For instance, I have Fortress Whale… A super rare card... perfect for your deck..."

His eyes widen, then narrow. "A bet, then. And if I lose?"

I smirk; now I am not entangled in his net, he is ensnared in my perfect plan. Everything is going beautifully - all that is left is for me to make my demand and win the duel. "You stay the night."

He groans at the mention of it, and the onlookers call out from the sidelines.

"Beat the pervert!"

"Don't let him psych you out, Kajiki!"

"Pummel him!"

And guess what, I don't care about any of it; I laugh joyously as I draw a card from my Duel Disk, and look him right in the eye - I'm really _living _now, spending time with the guy of my dreams, someone just like me. As for the pervert comments - I mean, if a hot guy's going to run around shirtless, he's just _asking_ for someone to have a crush on him! Even other males!

So what if I'm a sixty nine year old man, and I've got a grandson?


	5. Altershipping (Ryo X Marik X Yami Marik)

**TAGGED FOR OVERHAUL**

**Altershipping** (Ryo Bakura X Marik Ishtar X Yami Marik)

_Flaws of the three-way/triangle/whatever:_ Let it be known that I have never understood the three-way. To me, it's always been more flawed than the pairing, due to it having the multiple flaws of three different ships.

Moving on to this... and yeah, it's one very flawed little triangle. There's some pretty major problems with all three characters involved, so let's tackle them briefly, character by character:

- Ryo may be gentle, but he's also a somewhat nervous, shy character - as Yami Bakura's possessions show, he is also very weak-willed. In terms of where he stands with the other two characters, he is definitely not comfortable with Marik, assuming he knew that Marik brainwashed him during Battle City (and given that Joey knew, I wouldn't be surprised if Ryo also knew). Yami Marik... Ryo and Yami Mark just isn't going to work, it's called 'Deathshipping' for a good reason.

As with all Ryo ships, there is a chance that overprotective Yami Bakura will get in the road - especially if he believes that Ryo may be in danger of getting hurt. I'm no Tendershipper, by the way - that's just my understanding of the canon. While Ryo's useful, that Ring spirit isn't exactly going to want him dead.

- Marik sees Ryo as an expendable pawn - and even if you put the body-sharing issues with Yami Marik aside, Marik definitely doesn't like his split personality, not one bit. Speaking of which, there are about a million body-sharing issues with Yami Marik, but I think I'll save the main rant on those for Bronzeshipping (Marik X Yami Marik).

- Yami Marik is _the embodiment of hate. _He is pure hatred, hatred presumably amplified enough by the Millennium Rod to give it enough power to take Marik over. Yami Marik, simply put, is not about to _love _- and of course, he's total psychopath who's quite happy to kill both of the other two.

Need I say more?

**Warnings: **Fluff, suggestive language, and a drunk Yami Marik.  
**Time Period: **The day after Battle City.**  
Names:  
**Ryo Bakura/Ryou Bakura = Ryo Bakura  
Malik Ishtar/Marik Ishtar = Marik Ishtar  
Yami Malik/Yami Marik/Mariku = Yami Marik**  
**

* * *

Morning light filters through the open window, cutting through my sleep like a knife. With a groan, I sit up, holding my head in both hands and trying not to be sick. For better or worse, last night's a complete blur, a blur of white hair and pale skin and _cripes_, I seriously hope that doesn't mean what I think it might.

"I don't even wanna know," I say to no-one in particular. My body feels as heavy as lead, and so I flop back down on the pillow, stare at the ceiling; everything hurts, and all I want to do is let myself slip back down under the covers, into the comforting embrace of sleep...

I go to do exactly that - and that's about when something warm, soft, and quite definitely _not _cotton moves under the fingers of my left hand.

"Eh?"

At my touch, the thing stirs, mumbling in its sleep. A set of slender digits grip my wrist as it shifts under the covers, and I try to move away – but the hold is strong. I shake my arm a few times, trying to get rid of whatever's got a hold on me, and the thing groans; I stare in horror.

_I know that voice!_

With that nasty thought in mind, I throw the rest of the quilt off and look down. I'm not wrong; there, curled up under the covers next to me, is a bony young man – his shirt off, and a peaceful look on his face.

"Oh, _Ra..._"

My voice disturbs him. White bangs move, as the pale – skinned teen pushes them aside, gazing up at me.  
"Mmmh… Eh– ah! _Marik!_" He shivers, pulling the quilt up to cover himself. "Wha… What happened?"

"Your guess is as good as mine."

The young man – Ryo – blinks, then starts shaking as he presumably remembers whatever happened last night.

"Yami M–marik… I mean… other you… came to my house..."

My heart stops. "Yami Marik?"

"Yes… He knocked on my door…He had th–the… the Rod… and then… Then…"

He shuts his eyes, gulps – he obviously remembers whatever it was Yami Marik did, and I feel for him. The poor kid's been absolutely terrified by my other side, from the sound of things.

I heave a sigh. "Look. How about you just forget that this whole silly thing, whatever it was, ever happened. You walk out of my house like nothing ever happened. OK?"

He cries out at that. "N–no! Please, _god_, no!"

I tilt my head. "Why not?"

The upper lip trembles. "Because… because _he_ won't let me forget!"

"Yami Marik?"

"Yes! H–He said horrible things to me, M–Marik! You wouldn't b–b–believe it!"

I rest my head on the pillow. "You know, I think I would."

_After all, he did try to kill me._

"B–but h–he said…. He said…" Ryo breaks down into sobs, and I hold him close, even though I feel pretty awkward. The kid – it's hard not to think of him as a kid… He's just so innocent. I want to protect him from whatever hurt him… even if it's technically protecting him from me. I draw the covers over both of us, trying to make him feel a little safer.

There's a few minutes of silence, and then I whisper in his ear: "Ryo… What did he threaten you with?" I need to know, so I can be on guard.

A small, high pitched whine."He– he said… he'd be _back_. And… M–Marik… di–did you ask for … F–for him… to…"

"I didn't ask for anything!" I protest–

"MERRY *hic* CHRISTMASCH, THEN!" There's a knock on the bedroom door, and Ryo starts wailing. "No! No!"

"Yesh! *hic*" The door slowly swings open… and there he is, in all his glory."Hey, kiddiesch!"  
Yami Marik. Slightly transparent, yes, floating in mid air, yes, but it's definitely him–

In a singlet and boxer shorts, looking completely drunk. As if to prove that statement, he's even holding a beer bottle.

"What the– How did you even–"

He leers at me. "Hey, sch'on't look sho shared. 'Sus sh'wanted to make'sch yoo two schhappy!"Ryo whimpers and cuddles close to me – then pulls away with a cry of surprise and fear when he realizes what he's doing.

Yami Marik floats over to my side of the bed, and grins down at us. "We splayed sheh _beshc' _gamesh'larsh sh'ight. Wanna splay sha'gan?"

And before I get a chance to reply, to protest, he's on us, throwing the covers off. Ryo's yelling at the tops of his lungs, I'm lashing out, Yami Marik's roaring with laughter–

I suddenly have a very, _very _good idea of what happened last night.

And no, it wasn't pretty.


	6. Amoshipping (Jounouchi x Mai x Shizuka)

Amoshipping (Katsuya Joey X Mai Kujaku X Shizuka Kawai)

_Flaws in the triangle/three-way/whatever: _Joey and Shizuka are brother and sister – and I believe that's enough said about that one. Any sort of romance beyond brother/sister sorts of things is just going to be sick.

In addition, Mai seems to enjoy embarrassing Joey, and he tends to either retaliate against her (if the setting is DK or before) or be generally insensitive (if the setting is Battle City or afterwards). It's entirely possible for perverted Joey to develop a crush on Little Miss Fanservice - and he _did_ in the Duelist Kingdom manga), I won't deny that, but it's much harder for the relationship to stay stable. More on that when we get to Polarshipping someday.

For the third part, Mai is very much a role model for Shizuka during Battle City. There is certainly a sort of respect that the shy and insecure girl is going to have for a strong yet playful woman, someone who walks alone and is proud of it.

...And then again, Mai walks alone. ALONE. I'm fairly certain that she helps Shizuka out of debt to Joey, much as she helped Yugi during DK as paying back what she owed. In my opinion, the closest Mai has ever gotten to romance in canon is her total manipulation of Rex/Ryuuzaki with the whole 'We can do the body shuffle' thing she pulled in order to get a room.

**Warnings: **Suggestive language, fluff (sort of), kissing that's... well, it's not _really _romantic.  
**Time Period: **Two weeks after Battle City, but before Memory World. I actually have no clue _when _that arc takes place, so you'll have to forgive me on that one.**  
Names:  
**Joey Wheeler/Katsyua Joey = Joey, due to the accent.  
Serenity Wheeler/Shizuka Joey = Shizuka  
Mai Kujaku/Mai Valentine = Mai Kujaku

* * *

The teen huffed in annoyance, leaning against the back of the park bench to stare resignedly at the grass, in the sort of brain-dead way that only a teen can stare at grass. The lady next to him (clothes that wouldn't have looked out of place on a stripper, sparkling amethyst eyes and perfect makeup) snickered in his general direction, the fluffy white chinchilla dancing a jig around her legs as it waited for a thrown toy.

"Patience, Joey."

The blonde mumbled a few choice words under his breath, then went to face her with a scowl.

"Remind me again, Mai. What da heck ammi doin' here?"

His voice carried a very much sing-song lilt to it, the sort of Brooklyn accent that made fangirls all across the globe groan, hit heir heads against the nearest wall, and wonder how he could possibly be Japanese. Sometimes, Joey wondered about it too - not that he'd ever tell anyone, of course. It was like Ryo's British accent, he supposed - awkward, embarrassing, and ignored by anyone talking to him.

Ryo of course _was _awkward and ignored by everyone he tried to talk to (most fangirls hoped that he would then cry in a corner and hey presto, out would come his sexier half) - but that was hardly the point.

The woman giggled, and Joey couldn't help but wonder if she had recently drunk some alcoholic beverage or other; "You're here for my picnic. I've invited Shizuka, too."

Good grief, a picnic? Mai had blazed past that bit so fast that Joey mustn't have registered the information - the little minx had probably done it on purpose, too. After all, they were sort of friends - they'd have been better friends if Mai hadn't been such a bi- he meant to think _loner_, of course. At any rate, this sort of trickery called for annoyance; and so he pouted to communicate this disapproval.

"But _why? _Ah don't wanna be attendin' some dumb picnic!"

The tall woman folded her arms over her admittedly broad chest - a classic sign that any further comment on the matter would not be appreciated. "I have something to say to both of you."

To his credit, the teen made one last desperate attempt in the face of such a forceful woman: "Just say it ta me, den ta Shizuka when she rocks up. Dere's this pa-"

Mai sighed, which coming from her was the ultimate cutoff technique. "She's your _sister!_"

"But dere's a party wif' Yug' an' de others I culd be at", the blonde huffed; utterly insensitive to the fact that there was indeed a party, and Mai Kujaku had not been invited to said party. The woman's eyes blazed with a whole new sort of anger, but all she did for now was wave one dainty hand dismissively in his face.

"This is more important."

Instantly, Joey's eyes narrowed; to him, there was absolutely _nothing _more important than a party - a good time with friends, getting friendshippy and tipsy and all the rest of it. "Mai, what is dis all about?"

"Eee!"

With a little squeal of excitement, the red head flung herself into Joey's arms - then drew back in shyness, standing a little way from him. "I-I mean... It's been so long. I-I came all the way from Mother's, and-"

The blonde smiled, beckoning her back over. "It's okay, 'Zuka. Y'don't need ta be so shy 'round me." He grinned lopsidedly as she sat on his left, Mai already sitting on his right. "Hey, dere's dis party tonight - Yug' an' Anzu an' all de rest. Wanna come? We're callin' it de Big Friendship Party, cuz we're all frie-"

**TWHACK!**

"Owwww! What was that for, Mai?" The blonde rubbed his stinging cheek, and Mai smiled venomously.

"Moving _on _from your silly friends..." She let it hang, and Joey groaned, recognizing the expression - it was the sort of face Mai made right before she pulled a prank on him.

"Lemme guess… You foun' some embarrassin' photos, an' now you're gonna blackmail me?"

"No, better than that. _Much _better." A beat of silence, then she let loose with it: "I reckon we should all date each other!"

There was a quiet for a full ten seconds... and Joey figuratively exploded, leaping to his feet. "WHADDAYA JUST SAY?! YER TELLIN ME TA BLOODY WELL DATE MA SISTER?!"

He failed to note the wink that passed between Mai and Shizuka - a signal for a previously planned scheme to be put into action, no doubt. At any rate, the latter suddenly simpered, moving to his side. "Come on, brother. You're awfully pretty for a guy, so maybe-"

"No way!" Joey yelped, backing away from the redhead as fast as he could, only stopping when he bumped into something warm and soft. "H-hey! Is dis some sort of-" His speech was halted with a gulp.

"Going somewhere?" Mai whispered, running her fingers down the boy's back, then feeling under his collar.

"Uh, _yeah_", the teen snapped, pulling away. "Dis had better be a joke, 'cuz if it isn't Ah'm not gonna be impress..." He broke off again, since Shizuka was right in front of him now, wrapping her arms around him and stroking his hair. Dammit, he wasn't cut out for harems! Especially not harems involving his sister!

The two off them chatted over his shoulder, seemingly ignoring "He's so _cute,_ isn't he?"

"Darling, you should have seen him at Duelist Kingdom! He was the sweetest little thing!" Mai replied with a grin. Trying to avoid as much contact as physically possible, Joey managed to turn sideways in the awkward embrace, staring into space and praying that no-one could see this.

That was about when he saw Mai's chinchilla sitting before him, staring up mournfully - and the camera attached to its collar was staring too. He scowled, went forwards to get it off and trample it in the grass - and instantly, two sets of lips met the poor boy's ears, one on each side!

**THUMP.**

Mai threw her head back and howled with laughter. "The look on his _face!_ Priceless!" With a snigger, she removed the camera from the dog's collar, pocketing it. "How much do you reckon he'd fork out for me not to share the pictures?"

"Lots." The redhead giggled at the sight of her brother passed out comically on the grass, tilting her head in curiosity when Mai bent to Joey's level. The older woman pulled out two permanent markers, holding one out to the boy's sister with a devious grin. "This is the fun bit."

Shizuka hesitated. "Do siblings normally do this sort of thing to each other?"

Mai winked. "Weeeell... They usually do lots of little things to each other, actually. All the same, let's face it – you've got a lot of catching up to do!"

Joey's sister smiled, and took a marker from Mai's hand.

* * *

The blonde never _did_ understand why everyone laughed at him when he finally arrived at the party - soaked through from lying in the grass when the sprinklers came on all around him - until the next morning,when he went to brush his teeth. The large handlebar mustache gracing the duelist's upper lip in black marker, the monocle had been drawn around his left eye - it was no surprise that the others had laughed so hard at him. There was something written on Joey's forehead, too, but he was too tired to read the backwards text.

It was only a few minutes later, when he'd rubbed the sleep from his eyes, that he realized just how much the girls had pranked him. For there, written in calligraphic letters upon his forehead, were the dreaded words:

'Kaiba {3 Joey'. (1)

"EYYYYYAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

They say the screams had the neighbors calling ambulances...

* * *

**Notes:**  
(1) FanfictionDotNet does not like greater than/lesser than signs - the {3 is supposed to be a love heart.


	7. Analogshipping (Honda X Ryo X Anzu)

**Analogshipping** (Hiroto Honda x Ryou Bakura x Anzu Mazaki)

_Flaws of the ship: _This is the core cheer squad from Duelist Kingdom (Ryou is pretty much dropped during Battle City while Duke takes his place), so these three evidently get along well enough. So far, so good – but here's a problem: They're too busy cheer squad–ing away to care about each other. It's also important to note that at most stages of the manga, Anzu has a very much canon crush on Yami/Yugi, possibly both since she gets them confused every six seconds. This doesn't exactly leave her open to the other two - both of whom are very quiet characters who are unlikely to gain her undivided attention.

Tristan... well, Tristan's stance on Ryou tends to depend at what part of the manga you're talking about. However, he is for the most part openly suspicious of the kid; to the point where he second-guesses Ryou's motives every six seconds.

Lastly, Ryou of course brings with him what I like to call 'the Yami Bakura problem'. It's because of this that he prefers to keep to himself for the most part, his refusal to trust anyone being drawn from the idea that anyone he gets that close to has been annihilated by Yami Bakura. He may not be that attentive, but he probably understands that Tristan's onto him, and he doesn't like it.  
_  
_**Warnings: **Hinted onesided Anzu X Yami.  
**Time Period: **Duelist Kingdom, at Pegasus's mansion. In the middle of the night. Tristan's locked up in the jail cell, and Yami Bakura goes waltzing over to free him… but the manga never did describe what happened next. Seriously, If Tristan was freed at around midnight, what the heck did the two spend the next eight hours doing? Why were they so late to Joey's duel?

Well, the anime had some great ideas about that. According to episode 28, they went back into their room, met up with Anzu, then proceeded to go running around Pegasus's castle like a bunch of idiots. Ironically, only Bakura actually remembered any of it afterwards – he wiped the other two's minds because… uh… I'm not actually sure why.

However, all my oneshots will be following the manga canon, unless said otherwise.

**Names:  
**Anzu Mazaki/Tea Gardener = Anzu Mazaki  
Ryo Bakura/ Ryou Bakura = Ryo Bakura  
Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor = Tristan Taylor  
Yami Yugi/Dark Yugi = Yami

Two shadows flickered along the corridors of the castle, the casters making every effort to be silent as they moved. For the smaller of the two, this was about as simple as using a very loose tightrope to cross a pit full of sharp rocks, hungry crocodiles, and robots with laser rifles, but he somehow managed not to knock over _too _many taller shadow found it difficult to help the shorter, laden as he was with an unconscious third figure riding on his back, but managed to stabilize the majority of priceless Ming vases his companion stepped into.

It was only when the two teens got into their room that they spoke to each other, voices hushed. "Torch, Ryo," the big shadow rumbled, and an answering _click _shed light on the matter - literally.

The speaker – a tall, stocky brunette - glanced at the door, before laying an unconscious boy on the floor with infinite care. Standing, he looked over at his companion. "Now what?"

The pale, white–haired teen consulted the floor, fingers caressing a cord around his neck in obvious worry. "I thought _you'd_ know, Tris'."

There was a puzzled sort of silence, then Tristan shrugged. "Ah, well. I guess Yu-"

"Maybe _I'll _know", grumbled a new voice, and both the miscreants spun. Ryo balked when he saw who had spoken, and immediately backed towards the door.

"Wr-wrong room, Tris'… Gah, I'm so s–sorry…"

A high pitched chuckle came from the bed in the corner. "Relax, it's just me." A thin girl, her hair in a short bob and her lips curving in a friendly smile, padded over to the duo. The pale teen tried to back away a second time, but the older boy held him close, both comforting him and preventing any sort of escape.

"Ryo, it's all right," he growled, and the girl smiled.

"Yeah, Ryo. It's only me, I'm not going to hurt you or anything. You guys can stay the night here, if you don't want to be caught by the guards..." The stocky boy grunted a word of thanks, and the smile from the girl lit up the whole room. "It's quite all right, Tristan."

Tristan leaned against the closed door, letting go of Ryo as he did so. "So, Anzu… You've got some idea of what goes next?"

The girl yawned. "Yup. I mean, you two have been crashing around this castle for the last three hours – couldn't sleep with all that racket" - and here she paused, hands on hips - "I'm guessing here… You're both restless, right?"

Tristan glanced at his shorter companion before he replied, a slight nod being his only invitation to speak. "I'd say so."

With a small giggle, she bounced back up onto the bed, utterly ignoring the serious expressions of the other two in the near-dark. "So, how about we play a game?" The girl's voice was light and easy, but nevertheless Ryo shifted in unease, pale form seeming to melt in and out of the shadows.

"A… game?"

Tristan nudged him. "Come on. Just a bit of fun, eh?"

The boy's hand went to the cord around his neck, and he winced; Tristan took note with some worry. "Yes… A bit of fun…"

Anzu smiled, moving over to the bed and pulling out packet after packet of brightly coloured jelly beans, lolly snakes, and chocolate blocks. "Let's get in the mood first, shall we?"

And so the horrors of that night began.

* * *

The game Anzu chose was Truth or Dare ("At least we all know how to play that one"). Initially, the three played cautiously, all of them opting to answer questions instead of doing anything silly. Of course, this lead to some very awkward questions – the worst of which was asked by Tristan, aimed at Anzu: "Are you in love with Yami?"

With an awkward laugh, she looked away. "… Yes." The other two giggled sheepishly, then moved on – but the girl didn't forget that embarrassment. Teenage girls, as it turns out, are not so insensitive as the sorts of teenage blockheads that Anzu hung around with. And so, she came up with a cunning strategy to put the two boys out of commission for the rest of the night, _and_ get free entry to Yami's room…

As with any session of Truth or Dare involving high amounts of sugar, the game quickly devolved into an all out prank match, with each member of the little group attempting to outdo the other two. Soon, Ryo had little pink ribbons carefully tied in his white bangs, Anzu was now wearing a headband with bunny ears, and Tristan was desperately trying not to snigger at the two of them – as they were both now living miniatures in ridiculous costumes best described as 'stripper princess', their real bodies lying comatose on the bed. Tristan laughed until his sides ached – though it still took a great deal of effort to ignore the ridiculousness of his own outfit. He was wearing absolutely nothing but a pair of boxer shorts after being forced to take off everything else by Anzu.

"Alright, my turn." Anzu beamed, and the only conscious person in the room staved his giggles for a moment.

"Please tell me you're not going to make me take off my-"

"Of course not! So, Ryo." A crafty smile. "Truth or Dare?"  
The white-haired teen giggled, completely hyper by this point. "Dare!"

Anzu whispered her demand to the boy, who blinked. "R-really? You want me to…?" He shook his head. "But… That's _scary!_"

Tristan raised a hand. "If you like, I'll do whatever it is too. If that makes you feel any better."

The girl giggled, sugar appearing to have clouded her usually clear judgment. "Ooh, yes!"

Ryo nodded, and an instant later the figurines were lead once more, the bodies on the bed sitting up and stretching. "Let's go."

* * *

So it was that on the night before the finals, Yami Yugi was rudely awoken once again when two dark figures came crashing into his room with wild whoops and cheers, and immediately set upon his bed.

"What the- What are-" he grunted as they attacked him, ripping off his quilt - fortunately, he recovered from the initial shock before they could get any further. His hand flicked out, fingers spread towards the duo. "MIND CRUSH!"

The Millennium Puzzle flashed with a blinding light, and the two hit the ground at exactly the same time, both out cold – they would not be waking up for at least six hours, probably longer. Looking down at them, Yami Yugi felt a slight pang of annoyance - he would have liked to take their lives, but his other self's pleas for mercy halted any further action. Someday, the host would be powerful enough to send him to the afterlife...

With an unkingly groan, he stumbled over to the light switch - _click _- and stared in shock.  
_  
_"Tristan? _Ryo?_"

No answer came from his friends on the floor, and for once he was glad that he'd listened to Yugi's cries. Shrugging in indifference, he stowed them under his bed – it wasn't like they'd remember anything, and they could still come out to watch him duel... hopefully.

As soon as he'd finished, Anzu, watching the action through the keyhole, took her opportunity to walk in. Clicking off the light, she touched her crush's shoulder, lead him to the bed. "It's about time we talked again…"

And now you know why Ryo and Tristan were late to the finals of the Duelist Kingdom Tournament.


	8. Angstshipping (Marik x Ryou)

**Angstshipping **(Marik Ishtar x Ryou Bakura)  
_Flaws of the pairing: _So, so many…

First up, these guys both have dark sides, either of which could get in the road. Plus, neither of them can remember what's going on half the time, as neither appears to have any recollections of their dark side's actions - unless Marik's got part of himself stuck in someone else, he can't see what Yami Marik's doing.

Next, Ryo's not very comfortable when faced with Marik – depending on when the fic takes place, there's a good chance that he'll be terrified of Marik, what with the Battle City shenanigans. Speaking of which, Marik's cruelty is played down a fair bit in fanfics - I'd like to point out that everyone's favourite Egyptian is definitely _not _a nice person – remember, it was Marik who pitted Yugi against Joey, Marik who tortured that first Ghoul to death, Marik who forced Pandora to _commit suicide_. He is an absolutely _horrible _person during Battle City, and it'd be likely that even if he was broken afterwards by Yugi, he'd take a while to reform. In addition, it was also Marik who used Ryo the way he did, in a way that disgusted even Yami Bakura – that wasn't Yami Marik there. _  
_  
Getting back on track now, it's important to note that Marik has an ego the size of a small planet. As the leader of a large crime syndicate at age twelve, it's safe to assume that he's a very intelligent person - so much like Kaiba, he's got a real arrogance to his character. Marik has been shown in canon to think that Ryo's just an insect, a pawn in his plans, and he treats Ryo as though the kid's worth absolutely nothing.

This isn't an easy pairing to write...

**Warnings: **Fluff, semi-serious.**  
Time Period: **One week after Battle City – Marik is still in town**.**  
**Names:  
**Marik Ishtar/Malik Ishtar = Marik Ishtar  
Ryo Bakura/Ryou Bakura = Ryo Bakura  
Joey Wheeler/Katsuya Jounouchi = Katsuya Jounouchi

* * *

The white–haired boy shrank back from the blonde. "No… No." He swallowed, shook his head in disbelief, then tried again: "I won't go."

Jounouchi sighed. "But Ryo, y'_know_ how Marik feels about me. C'mon, do me a favour." He held out the trading card again. "Marik left this at my place. Go and give it to him, alright?"

And before Ryo could dare to ask why _exactly _Marik had been in Jounouchi's house, the blonde had pressed the card into his companion's palm, honey eyes silently begging. "I owe you one."

Then he ran like hell in the opposite direction.

* * *

He didn't know how, but somehow, Ryo found himself standing in front of the hotel. He glared at it – this was where Marik had taken up residence in Domino, now that all had been said and done, everything from Battle City apparently forgiven.

Looking up at the building, he realized that he hadn't exactly forgiven that bastard for what he'd done to Anzu, to Jounouchi, to Ryo himself. The painful memories of the mind control still wracked the teen's brain at night, when he would thrash under the covers screaming, the Ring Spirit watching impassively. Ryo had learned a while ago that whatever other mind lived in the Millennium Ring would only step in if Ryo was on the verge of death or serious injury - so perhaps the fact that he had felt no other mind touch his was a relief.

On the other hand, the Spirit might not necessarily consider 'insanity' as 'serious injury'.

"Oh! Ryo Bakura! Yes, I suppose you're here to see Mr. Ishtar?"

He blinked, then frowned in some annoyance - he'd walked into the lobby and up to the front desk without realizing. Peering into the eyes of the receptionist, he couldn't help but notice that they were oddly blank; Marik was probably controlling the poor thing from the upper floo-

No, that couldn't be right. Marik had handed over the Rod to Yugi, bestowed it on him. No way would he have betrayed Yugi's trust.

On second thoughts, hadn't Marik just been one betrayal after another?

With a sigh, he came to a very strange conclusion: _Why do I have to be so helpful?_

"Uh–"

"Very good. I'll just let him know you're here." The receptionist picked up the phone, and dialed. After a few seconds, she smiled. "Mister Ishtar already knows you're here, it seems. He would like you to come to his suite." She paused a moment while the phone chittered into her ear, then added, "Pronto. It's on the sixth floor. Room number 666. Lift's right over there."

She waved Ryo away. "Off you go. Mister Ishtar doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Ryo bowed politely, and walked to the lift, though his heart was hammering inside his chest.  
_  
666. The number of the devil._

Either that was deliberate, or Marik had the worst luck he'd ever seen.

* * *

The real panic set in during the ride in the lift that seemed to have been designed specifically to insult any claustrophobic or neatness freak, and it built during the slow walk down the corridor – he tried to drag his feet as much as he could, he prayed for the lift to come to a grinding halt for a few hours, but it was still all happening too fast, too fast! He wanted to run, to turn and walk the other way - but something, some little niggling feeling made him hesitate in that thought, and he was knocking on the door before he could stop himself. He seemed to be in some sort of daze from the panic cluttering his brain - his body was acting by itself, set firmly on autopilot now. All Ryo could do was shake his head in resignation – Marik terrified him, but there really was nothing he could do.

_Jounouchi owes me big ti-_

The door opened, and there he was, all big amethyst eyes and messy straw mop. Ryo eyed him warily, his eyes flickering to the vodka bottle in that tanned hand.

It looked like Marik hadn't forgotten about Battle City. The Egyptian had been _trying_, the bottle suggested that, but he evidently hadn't succeeded. There was still a glitter of malice in those eyes, and if he'd been right about the receptionist six floors below them, then... well, that would be _horrible._

"Ryo Bakura…" Marik stood over him, rolling the word around his mouth a little bit, before the gates of the underworld opened all the way, and Marik Ishtar beckoned Ryo Bakura into his own personal hell. "Ryo! Come in!"

The white–haired teen shook his head, held the card out at arms length as one might hold a stake out towards a vampire. "I–I just wanted to give you this."

The Egyptian blinked and took the card, seemingly confused. "Let me see… Oh, this is an _important _card! Hmm, I think I might like to give you a little something in exchange for finding this. I'm a nice guy, you know?"

"Honestly, it's _fine_!" Ryo pressed himself back against the corridor, but the Egyptian snatched his arm, dragging him into the room as a trapdoor spider might drag in some poor beetle. The door slammed behind the two of them, the _click _of the electronic lock sealing Ryo's fate.

Oddly enough, Marik was the very model of hospitality... for now, the pale boy decided. In his mind, there was no doubt - the Egyptian was an absolute _monster_, no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He probably had the Rod, and-

In a panic, the teen went to the cupboard in an attempt to locate Marik's deck, just to give this damn card back as soon as possible - but there the Egyptian stood, blocking his way.

"No, no! Please, allow me… Sit…"

He gestured to the bed with one tanned arm, but Ryo flatly refused. "Really, thanks... but I need to go."

And suddenly, Marik was staring at him, and there was an odd sort of pressure in his mind. He could hear the Egyptian's voice, but Marik's mouth wasn't moving.

_Come on. Why don't you just… Sit…?_

_No!_

_It would be so… so easy. You look so tired, you may as well just sit down…_

_Never!_

A struggle ensued, and Ryo fought back bitterly against Marik, will versus will – but the force simply increased, too strong for him now, crushing, suffocating.

_SIT!_

_No… no…_

But his will was weak, so weak, _so weak _Marik told him – and the Egyptian laughed as he sensed the boy's imminent resignation, looking into Ryo's eyes.

"I get whatever I want," he said, his smile gentle, though his grip on the other teen's mind was absolutely brutal.  
_  
Now, Ryo Bakura… Would you kindly sit?_

Ryo sat, and Marik tilted his head, his beautiful amethyst eyes alight now with a strange passion. "You fought hard. Admirable."

Then his presence was gone from Ryo's head, and the pale boy looked up him, on the verge of tears, voice shaking in what he told himself was exhaustion. He could see the Millennium Rod resting on the other teen's lap, in all its slightly awkward glory, and he mentally braced himself for whatever was to come. "M-Marik… Really… I could just go, honestly… You don't have to-"

"No, I _insist_ on a reward!"

The pale boy definitely didn't want to think about what a reward from someone who haunted his nightmares on a regular basis would entail; especially not when the Egyptian was in this strange mood. Marik rummaged through the cupboards, clothes flying in all directions as he searched, until he finally pulled out his prize; a deck of Duel Monsters cards.

"Ah, here we go!" Slipping the card into the pack, he turned to Ryo, looking almost regretful; almost, because he was grinning from ear to ear.

"You've no idea how important that card is to me. Real memento, that one. I'd love to be able to give you something special, but..." A shrug, something that sent chills down Ryo's spine. He could just imagine Marik doing exactly that motion after he'd killed someone, after he'd _tried _to kill someone, or-

That's about when Marik's voice returned, whispering in the pale boy's mind.

_What is your greatest desire? Tell me…_

_N–no!_

_Well, I'll just have to guess. How about…? _The words went on, they whispered that secretly Ryo would very much like to-

"NO!", Ryo yelped, leaping to his feet – but Marik just eyed him calmly, and then his voice was in the boy's head once more.

_Come now, sit. _

_Agh… N–no…_

_You're mine now. All **mine.**_

_No! Stop it! What are you-_

_Sit!_

Ryo gritted his teeth, trying to resist, while the Egyptian purred a low note of contentment–stroking Ryo's hair gently, like one might stroke a puppy.  
_  
On second thoughts, just don't move. This is quite comfortable, to be honest._

_What are you-_

_Shut up!_

The strokes turned to caresses, then Marik was touching the boy's neck, slipping his fingers under the boy's collar, taking him experimentally by the shoulders to try and force him down, with no result.

_Okay, playtime's over. Come on, sit!_

_No! Never!_

After a few minutes of this, Marik slid onto the bed behind the pale boy, who was frozen by this stage in shock and terror. Marik… had attacked him… and he was this close now…

Now was a really, _really _bad time to remember that the Millennium Rod had a dagger in it.

Shocked into moving by the realization, Ryo pulled away; but Marik only pulled him back, whispering in his ear. It would have been an awful lot less creepy if he'd just been threatening to butcher the kid, but _no..._

"No… you _must_ sit… You're so very lonely, Ryo – I saw it." A pause, another tug on Ryo's mind. "Come on, I've got the best present for you. And all you have to do… is say 'yes'. One little 'yes', _such_ a small 'yes'… I'll be at your feet, at your side… In your head… Forever..." His eyes were alight with that same strange fiery passion once again – and now Ryo was looking at that, he found that he couldn't tear his gaze away. Marik's voice was whispering in his ear, in his mind, over and over, always the same things, round and round.

_Just say yes._

"It's all on me, promise..."

_Come on, I only wanna reward you._

"You know you want it. I went into your mind, I know you better than you do."

"Um…"

"Go on."  
_  
Just say 'yes' already!  
_  
Ryo felt like he was falling, faster and faster, but Marik didn't stop, running his hands through the teen's hair again. The teen knew it was wrong… he just… couldn't resist…  
_  
Couldn't resist…_

_Nope, you can't resist.  
_

"Say it."

"Y– ye…"

Marik leaned in, and held Ryo close. "Finally… finally… Oh, this is _sweet_ revenge on that pathetic Pharaoh…" The Egyptian allowed himself the luxury of a small chuckle – he always got what he wanted.

Except that this time, he didn't.

**WHAM!**

"Owowow my FACE!" Marik reeled back, clutching his nose. A small smirk – though Ryo thought he saw blood in it. "Why, _Ryo!_ I didn't think you had that in you!"

Ryo's mouth moved on its own, producing a horrible laughter that definitely wasn't his._ "That's because he doesn't!"_

Marik's eyes narrowed. "You stay out of this."

"_I don't think so, brat. It's about time I got a new Millennium Item for my collection!_"

Ryo instinctively fought back against the spirit, but it was useless – the spirit was all around him, suppressing his emotions, his thoughts… everything, getting weak… so weak…  
_  
Sleepy time, landlord. I'm going to pay my rent right now…and chase this guy all the way back to Egypt.  
_  
The last thing the pale teen knew about was that the spirit of his Millennium Ring had him aiming a good kick at Marik's groin.

And so, though he was now somewhere in the dark depths of his mind, locked away and losing consciousness fast, Ryo Bakura giggled for the first time in weeks.


	9. Anruishipping (Shadi x Yuugi)

**Anruishipping **(Shadi x Yugi)

_Flaws of the pairing: _Shadi is an adult, and Yugi is... a sixteen year old who looks like he's about twelve. Either way, he's far, far too young for a man who looks like he's in his thirties… and is roughly five thousand years old, apparently. And to top the whole awkward situation off, that guy's a _ghost_. I never did pretend to understand how he could physically handle the Items in the early manga if he was dead, that's always been something that never made sense to me.

Moving along to character/character flaws: First off, please remember that I still am fairly clueless about the goings on of Millennium World. Shadi's in it, but I know little about his involvement. Got that? Good.

So, Shadi rarely speaks to Yugi in his appearance in the early manga - and when the two first meet, his dialogue is either condescending to the point of stupid, or it's totally both walk off thinking that the other one's a weirdo, pretty much.

He got cross with Yami Yugi over losing a game, and so he had Jounouchi nearly killed in front of Yugi… twice… and he also brainwashed Anzu, putting her life even more in danger than Marik did (forced her to stand on a plank precariously placed on the edge of a skyscraper in high wind - long story) - all because he wanted to say 'hi' to the Pharaoh (and have a Round Two of that game, of course). So yeah, Yugi isn't exactly fond of Shadi.

**Warnings: **None… aside from a mild–ish canon/fourth wall break at the end.  
**Time Period: **Between Duelist Kingdom and the Duke Devlin Arc – the competition has now ended, but the Black Crown Game Shop has not been built, Joey has not suffered the 'dog suit' incident in the anime, and no–one has a clue who Duke Devlin is**.  
Names:  
**Yugi Moto = Yugi Moto  
Ryou Bakura/Ryo Bakura = Ryo Bakura  
Shadi = Shadi

Yugi rolled out of bed with a yawn - and for the nineteenth time in a row, nothing happened. Everything felt so normal, so dull – there were no card tournaments today, no running around on islands islands, no glowing spirits or possessed Ryo or freaky powers. No thugs… Okay - yeah there were thugs. But were they thugs who _played card games_ rather than beat up their opponents to get what they wanted?

Nope. Pity, really - Yugi had gotten a real kick out of beating thugs with pieces of paper. It made him feel strong, even if it wasn't even him playing the cards, and the thugs thumped him afterwards. He tried to ignore those bits as best he could - cheerful-but-clueless really was the best way to go when your body was being possessed at random intervals by someone who looked just like you. It kept you sane, even in the insane moments.

But these days... Well, he just got beaten up by thugs, and the spirit didn't seem to have the motivation to defend him or messily murder them. There was no real excitement these days, just endless beatings while you waited for the holidays and hoped for the best.

These days, Yugi's day went a little something like this: Pull off pajamas, put on school uniform. Stuff books into schoolbag. Eat a banana, say goodbye to Grandpa, ignore any perverted banana jokes he makes. Walk out the door. Get mugged. Watch Jounouchi and Honda beat up the muggers. Wait while they get carried away and beat up a small gang of thugs, check watch while they get their asses kicked by a larger gang of thugs. Realize that he's going to be late for school no matter what he does, run like heck, snooze in class, smile lots, ignore doting teachers, huggy girls, and Ryo Bakura…

Just.

Another.

Day.

It all made him want to scream sometimes –

"Hello."

Yugi opened one eye. The accent was thick, so thick that he couldn't work out what country it hailed from, though he'd have guessed Middle Eastern if he'd had to answer.

The stranger tried again. "Hello. Name–is– ?"

Yugi blinked. "Hi. I'm Yugi. Do you need help?" The man looked as foreign as he sounded, his eyes partially hidden beneath the huge white turban, the skin of his face a dark brown, and the rest of his body swathed in calico robes.

"Shadi. I like – to see – boy."

"Oh? Who's he?"

Shadi laughed, patted Yugi's head, flattening his spikes all the way down. "You– funny boy."

Yugi sighed. This man seemed to be crazier than most of the psychos he'd met so far. "Why don't you tell me who the boy is? I could help you find him, then."

"Wears pyramid. Neck-pyramid."

"You mean this?" Yugi produced the Millennium Puzzle, pleased to have an excuse to show it off for once - it seemed that it received little attention these days. As soon as the man clapped eyes on the thing, his gaze narrowed to an almost laser, blue eyes flashing. "Boy… It – is – you!"

Yugi giggled. "Well, I guess you've found the right guy."

Shadi opened his mouth a few times, then closed it again. "I… I just wanted to say… I mean, I've put you through so much…"

"You did? Hey, why are you speaking perfect English?"

A thin smile. "No, I am not speaking English – that is simply the Millennium Puzzle allowing you to understand my Egyptian."

"But I don't speak Egyptian!" Yugi growled, in perfect Egyptian.

And three seconds later: "Cool."

Shadi half closed his eyes, bowing his head in shame. "It's just that I hurt you… I was trying to see the Pharaoh… Forgive me…"

Yugi tilted his head, then shook it slowly - he thought he remembered _something_... ah, it was one of the things the spirit had been too ashamed to let him remember. Someday, he'd get the information out of the amnesiac inside his head, but that could happen another day. Best to be cheerful - but - clueless, after all.

"I'm sorry. I don't think you have the right person. I've never seen you before in my life."

"But I _love_ you! You are my Master!" The Egyptian decided to grovel at that point, getting down on all fours in the middle of the busy school corridor. "Come to Egypt, I beg you! Please, lead my people! I am so, so sorry!"

Yugi backed away, very slowly; he'd heard that this was what to do when confronted with a rabid animal. This man wasn't _rabid _by any means, but he was certainly unhinged. "Um… yeah… gotta say no. So, uh, off to class-"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Shadi gripped the boy's leg, wailing and sobbing unintelligible things. People stopped and stared, and Yugi waved nervously to them, trying to look casual.

"Erm… Hi there."

"Shadi, so soooorrrryyyyy! My peeeeeeooopleeeeeeeee! Neeeed! Yoooouuuuu!"

Yugi smiled broadly at the weird looks he was getting, resisting a strong urge to shake the Egyptian off.

"Yep, nothing to see here. Move along."

_Auuugh, he's completely lost it now…_

Cameras flashed, not professional but the small and pixelated ones of mobile phones and laptops, the pictures spreading all across the Internet within minutes, and Yugi winced. "Sorry, Shadi. But could you... you know... go home? You're forgiven and all that."

"F-forgiven? M-master?"

The boy sighed, looking down at the man, eyes red from crying, gaze mournful. "...Yes. You can go home now."

And so, as Shadi sniffed his way back to Egypt, and the warm, comforting darkness of the "Characters We Won't See Again For At Least Another Arc" cupboard (he found that he got on quite well with Espa Roba), Yugi busied himself with trying to get those _pictures_ off Facebook.


	10. Antagoshipping (Yami Bakura x Seto)

**Antagoshipping **(Yami Bakura x Seto Kaiba)  
**  
**_Flaws of the ship: _All right, let's keep this quick: If you forced them to interact, you'd probably find they wouldn't be overly fond of each other. After all, Yami Bakura is already predisposed to disliking Kaiba due to Kaiba being the Priest's incarnation and all that – plus, he _really_ doesn't like people who fight back, and Kaiba's pride makes him do just that.

Kaiba of course dislikes Yami Bakura heartily in return, though he doesn't seem to feel quite the same sort of revulsion for him that the other regularly occurring characters harbor in the manga. This would probably be different if he'd been trapped as a figurine at some stage, but I digress.

The main problem with this ship is that Kaiba doesn't care about anyone other than himself (Mokuba may be an exception), and neither does Yami Bakura – so there's not really going to be any attraction between the two. They've got their own agendas, and neither is about to let emotions get in the way.

**Warnings:** Ever–so–slightly AU.

**Time Period:** Kaiba's at the school, but so is Bakura – and it's Bakura's first day! This one–shot is therefore slightly out–of–canon with the manga, since Kaiba should be in a coma at this point in time. (And for those of you who haven't read the original manga run, in particular the Monster World Arc, you should probably know that this one–shot is _completely_ out of whack with the anime bar Season Zero, as Bakura was never actually introduced until the Duelist Kingdom arc, by which point Kaiba had technically been put into a coma twice.)

**Names:**  
Yami no Bakura/Yami Bakura= Bakura  
Seto Kaiba = Kaiba

Kaiba sighs, looking at the textbook he's holding. It's not going to be a good day – the seventeen–year–old knows it the instant his teacher calls him over. (1)

"Ach, ma verry top stew–dent! I has job fer you!" There's a glint of generosity in her eye, a hint of excitement in her voice, and it worries the A - grade student no end.

The book closes with an abrupt snap, the brunette's voice combining arrogance with annoyance. "What sort of job?"

Walking over, he absolutely towers over the German lady, exactly the same way that he towers over all the other students in his school. He's tall and skinny, and a total heartthrob to boot. He's got money, fame, a whole company – the world's at Kaiba's feet, and he knows it. The teacher knows it, too – she fidgets and looks away.

"Ah… Yes. Tere ista new stew–dent here."

"And I suppose I am to show him around?" He carries himself stiffly, blue eyes flashing murder.

"Erm..."

"Don't test my patience. Yes or no?"

"Yes."

* * *

They meet in the school corridor ten minutes later, Kaiba still clutching his textbook for whatever strange reason – and now the teacher's accompanied by a small, pale–skinned, sickly–looking boy, a boy with long white locks and big brown eyes. He looks a bit like an abused Golden Retriever puppy, albiet one in human form - and in his mind, the brunette makes a weighted judgement. This guy's not going to survive Domino High longer than a week, not unless he has bodyguards, which he likely doesn't.

If he _does _have bodyguards, Kaiba decides, then he will not survive either, because the CEO will absolutely drive him out of the school.

There's simply not enough room for two rich guys at this school.

The teacher gives the boy a pat on the back. It's meant to be comforting, but nearly knocks him over. "Kaiba, this is the new student. Ryo, meet Kaiba."

The teen waits expectantly, but the kid – Ryo, the brunette supposes – seems too scared to speak. It is clear to Kaiba that he must make the first move - and so, the older teen tilts his head, seeming to admire for a moment the silky white bangs, the innocent eyes, before he greets the new student.

"Hello." He keeps his voice perfectly even, soothing.

"H–Hello." Ryo replies, and the CEO immediately reassures the surprised teacher that everything will be just fine, Ryo's in good hands. He makes a big fuss of the boy, chatting with him, telling him all about the school–

–and as soon as the bewildered lady has left them alone, the young man glares at his new charge. "Rule one of this school: Shut up."

"K–Kaiba?" Big brown eyes seem to stare directly into his soul - perhaps on others this might have caused them to think again lest they make Ryo cry, but Kaiba feels no emotion. He does not _care _if the wimp cries.

"Rule number two: I'm Seto Kaiba, CEO of KaibaCorp, and I expect you to address me that way."

"So… uh… S–Set–"

The CEO's eyes flash. "Don't you _Seto _me! I expect to be addressed by my full name!"

The boy's brown eyes instantly narrow – Kaiba notes with interest that in the dim light of the corridor, they seem to be red. "I don't care." His voice is lower, too – it unnerves the older boy a little, even if the words are _very _interesting. Here is someone who does not care at all, who acts very differently when he thinks he can get away with it. He can feel confidence radiating from Ryo, a real arrogance about him, a challenge to Kaiba's pride.

There is a long silence, while the two continue to stare at each other – blue eyes meeting demonic red. Eventually, Kaiba gives in and speaks first, raising an eyebrow to disguise his blink. "You don't care?"

"That would be correct."

"You are insulting KaibaCorp, then?"

"Yes."

Another pause, while Kaiba fumes at this latest blow to his ego. The young man knows that he's twice this boy's size, that he could wipe this mere child off the face of the planet or crush him beneath his steel–toed boots - but then again, there's something about those red eyes that tells him that a horrible danger lurks within this boy. Once more, it reminds Seto of himself - even those not aware of his power back away from him. However... What if it happens to be all a bluff, this boy has no power to speak of?  
_  
Hmmm… Do I risk it?  
_  
The boy catches Kaiba's assessing gaze and laughs – a harsh, confident sound that sends shivers right down the CEO's spine. "Just _try_ it. Hit me, if you're so very tough…" As he breaks off into a fit of giggles, the brunette seriously considers attacking the boy with the textbook he's still holding, once again weighing up the options.

_On the one hand, he deserves it… But on the other, he seems to be rather sure of himself, and could crush me if I'm not careful…_

And of course, repeatedly hitting a brand–new fourteen–year–old student he's supposed to be helping out with a two–kilogram textbook isn't going to look good on his report card; not that that really matters to Kaiba, who could get his report card wiped clean if he so wished. (2) Instead, the seventeen–year–old chooses to glare death at Ryo, who stares back with a look of utter insolence.

"Come on. I'll show you around," Kaiba snaps at last, turning to walk down the corridor... and the pale demon sniggers.

"Oh, so you're _not_ that tough?"

Kaiba's lip curls, and he whirls on the smaller boy. "Watch it."

Ryo laughs, then his voice goes back into the high pitched, stutter Kaiba heard when they first met. "_I–I'm so s–scared… Someone, h–help me…_"

It sounds so genuine that the CEO has to resist a very strong urge to hit Ryo in the face with the textbook - hard. There's no way that the wimpy act will work on him, and the albino knows it too; he must be doing it specifically to spite the brunette.

But he can't take the bait, since to take the bait is to play into Ryo's hands, and to play into Ryo's hands is surely to lose.

Seto Kaiba takes a deep breath, turns around, and starts walking.

_Damn, today's going to be difficult._

* * *

"…And this is the school café. In my opinion, the food's awful, but someone of your level might find it all right. If you want to order though, you'd be best to–"

"I don't care."

Harsh laugher echoes behind him, and the CEO does his very best to ignore it; he can throttle Ryo once he's sure there's no threat, he can trample this arrogant little brat into the hard floor of the school hall, he can do whatever he pleases then.

"Here's the Maths block."

"I don't care."

He sniffs. "_Actually_, you'll find that you come here fairly often, so you'll want to remem–."

"I don't care."

Deciding to change the topic, Kaiba points in a random direction. "Over there is the Arts Department, they're holding an exhibition over there. Now, if you ever want to set fire to it, the matc–"

"I don't care."

After twenty minutes of this, Kaiba decides that he's had enough of trying to stay calm. "Will you _stop_ that?!"

_"S–stop?"_

That voice sounds genuinely confused, and higher pitched as well – it's the same vulnerable voice Ryo was taunting him with before. With a snarl, he whirls – to find a small, pale–skinned boy who looks just as nervous and bewildered as he was when they were first introduced.

"Uh… Who are you?" He looks around, bottom lip trembling and eyes - brown eyes, they're brown again, what the heck - wide with fear. "W–Where am I?"

Kaiba snorts. "At school, of course."

"Well… I don't seem to r–remember anyth–thing… I mean, I blacked out…"

The brunette's eyes narrow, and he stares at Ryo for a long moment - then he begins to pound his head into the wall repeatedly in sheer frustration. "Gaaaaah!"

Ryo Bakura laughs, his face not quite evil, not quite innocent, but somewhere in between. "My work here is done."

Notes:  
1. Yes, Kaiba's seventeen in this one–shot. My reasoning goes like this: Yugi and co are all either fourteen or fifteen at the start of the manga run (depends when the storyline actually picks up – all of them would be either fourteen turning fifteen that year, or would have already turned fifteen). Kaiba's known to be two years ahead of them (as he's stated to be in his last year of school – which puts him Year Twelve, two years in front of Yugi's Year Ten), so he's seventeen.

2. Bakura's fourteen, or at least Kaiba thinks he is – of course yadda yadda spirits are oldies yadda yadda. I made Ryo that age and not fifteen, since his birthday falls in the lower half of the year.


	11. Apocalypshipping (Y Marik x Seto x Isis)

**TAGGED FOR OVERHAUL.**

**Apocalypshipping (Yami no Marik x Seto x Isis)**_  
_

_Flaws of the ship: _Do I seriously need to explain this one? Isis is scared of Yami Marik, and she dislikes him intensely – mostly because she desperately wants her brother back, and while Yami Marik's around she can't help him. Plus, Yami Marik's technically in Marik's body, which makes him _technically_ her brother no matter how she tries to deny it, which makes it incest, which makes it awkward.

Seto dislikes Yami Marik as well – so much so that he actually gave Yugi a card to help the kid win against Yami Marik. Seto's ego is far too much for Isis, who doesn't think much of him – and he doesn't think much of her in return.

Lastly, blah blah Yami Marik's hate itself blah blah he would very much like to hurt everyone in his general vicinity blah blah.

This pairing is pretty hard to work with, as none of them want anything to do with each other.

Probably why few write it...

**Warnings: **'Why doesn't Yami Marik mind control anyone with that Millennium Item of his?' This is pretty much why - creepiness ensues, with torture and kissing and good lord it's stupidly messed up.**  
Time Period: **Just after Battle City, with Isis and Marik still in Domino City.**  
Names:**  
Isis/Ishizu Ishtar = Isis  
Seto Kaiba = Kaiba  
Yami Marik/Yami Malik = Yami Marik

* * *

The letter started the whole mess. It was no ordinary letter - for it came in a large mahogany box in the boot of a limousine, closely guarded by a fleet of motorbikes. Whilst Isis would have liked to pretend otherwise to the neighbours, there was no denying that it had come that way – hand delivered no less, with a great deal of fanfare, by a snooty man with a London accent, the suit, tie, dark glasses, hair that stuck straight up from his head in one massive spike, the whole lot. The girl wasn't entirely sure to what to make of any of it – and the contents of the note were just as confusing:

_'Dear Isis,  
I wuv u wanna hav you–know–what wif me.  
Setty–Wetty.'_ (1)

"What's that?" Marik peeked over her shoulder– and instantly, his hair spiked up, eyes narrowing. "Ghh... gahh... SETO KAIBA MUST DIE!"

Before Isis could stop him, he'd charged straight out the door – and she didn't need her Millennium Item to tell her what was going to happen next.

_Please, let me get there before he does…  
_

* * *

The Egyptian's sleek sports car pulled up alongside the front door of KaibaCorp with barely a whisper, and her heart sank instantly. The doors were smashed in, the guards unconscious (possibly worse – she hoped they were just unconscious).  
_  
He's already here!_

And that's when the screaming started – low moans that gradually climbed into high wails. Frantic now, Isis ran down corridor after corridor, until she came to a door that had been smashed in. Cautiously, she stepped inside, to find–

"Oh, **RA**!"

Yami Marik leaped off Kaiba – and off Kaiba's desk – like he'd been given an electric shock. Kaiba didn't look like he was in good condition at all – the CEO slid off the other side of his desk with a moan, with a loud crash following shortly afterwards as he failed to land properly. Isis raced around to the other side. "Are you all right?"

His eyes were clouded with the effects of alcohol... _or more likely the Millennium Rod, given that Yami Marik was in the room… _Still, Kaiba still seemed proud – he flopped a handin her face, dismissively. "Mmmh… Sheave me sha'lone, wouldja? Nah, nah… Sha! Shome shere, sh'oo!"

And then he suddenly lurched upwards, trying to kiss her. Isis jerked away before he could make contact – but Kaiba came after her, with a weirdly blank look in those cold, blue eyes–

"YAMI MARIK!" Isis scolded, glaring as best she could at the other Egyptian – even while Kaiba chased her round and round the room. The man simply cackled in response, waving the Millennium Rod like a conductor's baton, forcing Isis to run harder and harder in order to get away from Kaiba.

"Whee! Isn't this_ fun_, sister?"

"You're… not… my brother…" Isis gasped– and Kaiba sprang, knocking her over with ease.

Yami's Marik's input didn't help things at all: "You're right… I'm not your brother."

Kaiba's hands reached under Isis, rolling her onto her back.

Yami Marik's voice hardened. "You don't love me enough for me to be your brother."

The CEO ripped off Isis's scarf, pinning her arms to her sides, and Yami "That's why I'm gonna embarrass you beyond belief."

Kaiba's lips met hers, and –  
_  
Ka–chick._

**FLASH!**

It took Isis only a second to work out what that was, for it was a sound that she'd heard many times before, from the tourists in Egypt...  
_  
A camera.  
_  
"Hey, guess what's going to be posted all around the school tomorrow?"

Isis managed to free her mouth from Kaiba's – just long enough to gasp "Oh, I am going to _kill _you!" –and ten seconds later Kaiba snapped back into control. Being a smart CEO, it didn't take him long to work out what had just happened.

They say the resulting howls of rage nearly demolished the building.

* * *

Notes:  
1. Yup, I'm having a go at SOME of the shipping fanfics out there. Namely the awful ones that aren't even that well–written and have characters behaving like that.


	12. Apparishipping (Roba x Ghost Kotsuzaka)

**Apparishipping (Espa Roba x "Ghost" Kotsuzaka)  
**_Flaws of the Pairing: _ This is another one where the characters never did meet in canon – probably because Roba only did show up in that one duel, and at the end of the whole series. Roba's a very insecure character who is deliberately loud to cover it up. Ghost is… well… put nicely, an uncaring brat.  
I've gone a… rather different route with this one. Hope you enjoy!**Warnings:**Suggestive Language– and it's short.  
**Time Period:** Well, it kind of… _has_ to be during the early stages of Battle City. I mean, Roba didn't go to Duelist Kingdom, and Ghost got killed by Bakura just before the finals of Battle City , yup. This is just after Esper Roba fights Joey.  
**Names:**  
Espa Rober/Esper Roba = Esper Roba  
'Ghost' Kotsuzaka = Ghost  
No names are actually used in this one-shot, so if you're unfamiliar with this pair remember this: The narrator here is Esper Roba.

"Well, what have we here? A first – class idiot." He stands, he sneers; but I have the power of cosmic forces on my side, for real this time!  
"Beem… Beem…" I ready my Duel Disk. "The power of the cosmos… runs through me…"  
And the translation of that looks something like this: _Come at me, sucker. I can't lose._

He laughs. "We've gotta cut our decks first… right?" The voice makes me shiver, and he sees it. "Oooh!A little scared?"  
"No, of course not! The cosmos is with me… one with me… Beem… beem…" I put my pointer fingers to my temples, trying to weird him out. Unnerving him beforehand will give me the advantage in this battle, after all."Aha! Here we go! I know all… All your cards…"

Unfortunately, it doesn't work – the creepy little kid just laughs, and I'm reminded of how much he looks like a zombie or skeleton. "Come on, idiot. Let's get our decks all shuffled."

Taking full advantage of my good looks, I decide to try and creep him out in a different way. Without the aid of my brothers this time round, the "psychic" impression is too hard to pull off. Thus, I flick my blue hair over my shoulder, turning in a slow circle. "Can't you feel it? This… force… between you and me…" I keep my voice alluring, sexy, clicking my Duel Disk out and back in again as I flutter my eyelashes at him. "It was… _meant_ to be…"  
His eyes narrow. "What are you saying?"  
"Oh… _yes. _This is our _destiny_. To be together…"  
"Actually, I don't think it is… You're a weirdo, you know that?"  
I point a long finger at him."You cannot escape the future! The force-"  
"Screw the force, let's just shuffle our decks and get it over with!", he snaps.  
_He's off balance… Good._  
"Very well." Taking my time, I stroll towards him. "You've got a _beautiful_ body, by the way…"  
"Don't push it.", he snaps.  
I hold out my deck to him - and he snatches it, clocks me over the head with his Duel Disk, and runs like hell.  
"Sucker!"  
And my final thoughts, as I sink into blissful unconsciousness:  
_Well, it worked for that blonde lady…. Why not me?_


	13. Aptshipping (Honda x Isis)

**Aptshipping (Hiroto (Tristan) x Isis (Ishizu))  
**_Flaws of the pairing:_ I think that this one's got some obvious flaws…_Really _obvious flaws.  
For instance, Isis is a fair bit older than Honda (How does that work? Well, we know that that Isis is the friggin' Egyptian _Ambassador_… And she's also a good four years older than Marik in the manga *possibly more*, and Marik is older than Honda…)  
Here's another flaw: She's never even _spoken_ to Honda. Seriously, _Shadi _has talked more to Honda (and that's saying something!) than Isis has.  
And one last flaw: The Honda/Tristan – Otogi/Duke – Shizuka/Serenity triangle was really, _really_ played up in the anime (not so much in the manga, though it was hinted at).  
So, two characters haven't spoken a word to each other. The female is WAY older than the male. And the male's…. chasing someone else.

Nope. This is _not_ happening, never in a million years… though in a million AU fics… maybe…  
AughwhatamIdoingIdon'teven– BOOM!**  
****  
Warnings: **Isis may not always make sense in areas. Try to ignore it, as she usually explains what she's just said in the next line. Other than that, it's clean.**  
Time Period: **Battle City.**  
Names: **Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor = Honda  
Isis/Ishizu Ishtar= Isis**  
**  
I yawn. "Remind me again why you wanted _me_, of all people."  
She have been sitting down, dress flowing elegantly over the edge of her bed, but Isis's gaze still pierces me like an arrow. "Because you are rather esoteric, albeit a little maudlin."  
My jaw drops in confusion. "Ah… Eh?"  
"_Special._" The Egyptian's voice drips sarcasm, and I don't really know what to say to that.  
"Oh."  
"You have a propensity for aiding the pathos of others… even when faced with the abhorrent."  
I nod dumbly, and she sighs. "You want to help everyone who feels pain, even if they're evil."  
"I suppose…"  
Her gaze becomes even sharper – now it's a blade, slicing into me. "Did you or did you not show this aspect of your persona towards the insidious Ryou Bakura?"  
"Uh?"  
She groans. "Honestly… Look, did you try to help Ryou Bakura?"  
"Yeah. Why?"  
"Did you repress that acrimony of his dichotomy?"  
"Huh?"  
"OhmyRawhydoIeven_try_… Did you stop his dark side from possessing him at any point?"  
I shrug. "I wouldn't know."  
"Ah, an unknowing anomaly?"  
She pauses, as if she'd just said something funny. I immediately make a weak attempt at a chuckle. "Uh…ha?"  
"Aughh… Never mind. Hiroto… may I call you that for the purposes of this panegyric?"  
I fidget. "If you must."  
"Hiroto… I have acquired a _proclivity _for you." Isis waits expectantly, and I simply stare.  
"Uh… Thanks?"  
"No. I _luxuriate_ in you._Ngiyakuthanda!_" (1)  
I blink. "Eh?"  
A well aimed pillow hits me in the mouth. "Oh, just _get out._ I am sick of trying."  
I spit out a mouthful of fluff. "Sheesh, that must be the first two sentences you spoke in English the first time-"  
"OUT!"  
1. "I love you"… in Zulu, since as the Ambassador of Egypt, Isis would likely know several languages aside from Egypt. Just so you know: In Egyptian, "I love you" = "Ana Bahhebak".


	14. Acquaintanceshipping (Honda x Roba)

**Aquaintanceshipping (Hiroto (Tristan) x Espa Roba)  
**_Flaws of the pairing: _This… this… God. For starters, I would like to point out the name: "Aquaintanceshipping". How the heck does that even… work? They've _never even met in canon_. They are _not_ acquaintances, guys!

Anyway. The first thing I thought of: Tristan's quiet attitude and Roba's constant noise ("BEEEM! BEEEEEEEM! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEM… GAIZ! I'M PSYCHIC, GAIZ!"). They do not work! And if Tristan can only _just_ tolerate looking after one small boy (a nephew, Joji) during the Death – T arc for one afternoon… How the heck is he going to tolerate Roba's FIVE smaller brothers?  
This fic will end with a scream…_  
_**Warnings:** None – this is another clean one!**  
Time Period:**Just after Joey's duel, Tristan finds Roba crying on his way to see Shizuka (Duke/Otogi is of course watching the whole thing, since he follows Tristan to the hospital in the manga.)**  
Names:  
**Esper/Espa Roba = Esper Roba  
Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor = Tristan Taylor  
Duke Devlin/Ryuugi Otogi = Duke Devlin **  
**  
_Okay. Blend into the crowd, keep your head down, match your footsteps to his. Easy does it -  
Ah! He's looking around!  
_I dart behind an old lady with a shopping trolley, then freeze. Tristan looks around, frowning ever so slightly. There's a long pause, then he begins to move once more. I breathe out again, resuming my casual pace.  
_He hasn't seen me. Good…  
What's that?  
_A strange whimpering; a mewling coming from a nearby side alley. The brunette looks puzzled, and I realize that he's heard exactly the same sound as I. He turns and walks that way, and again I wait before I follow, scaling a ramshackle building with ease, following him with ease from above-  
There! A shock of flat green hair, a small figure wrapped into a ball. Tristan sees this person as well, and calls out to it. Immediately, it uncurls, placing both index fingers to its temples. "BEEM! BEEM!" it screeches – much like some demented parrot. It seems to be male, although the bright pink sweater would suggest otherwise.  
Tristan blinks stupidly. "Eh?" Inwardly, I groan.  
_Charismatic as ever._

Down below, the figure looks unamused. "I ESPA-ROBA! PSYCHIC! PSYCHIC! BEEEEEM!" Tristan puts his hands over his ears, and it's all I can do not to burst out into fits of laughter. Roba begins to sob. "But… then…"  
I already know how Tristan's going to react – he's the caring one, after all. Sure enough, he goes on one knee to try and help the boy up. "But then what?" he asks, so softly that I can only just hear it.

He shouldn't have gotten so close – the child lets loose with a shriek that could have blown the ears off Chewbacca. (1)"Bad boy… _Beat_ me!"  
Tristan inhales sharply, though I can't tell if it's because his eardrums have just been painfully blown apart, or because he's concerned. "Someone beat you… With a stick?"  
"No, with his deck!"  
Five smaller boys with exactly the same hairstyle and outfits as Roba come creeping out of the shadows of the alleyway. Tristan immediately mutters under his breath, tries to get away, and I watch in interest as the tables are abruptly turned. Roba now seems to be more dominant – he immediately advances, pushing his new advantage. "I _live_ for my brothers…"  
The brunette makes a gurgling sound which I doubt qualifies as speech. "Uh… No thanks_._"  
Roba's eyes are reminiscent of a puppy's, and I can see Tristan practically melting under that stare.  
"Do you… have a brother?"  
The brunette yelps in terror, backs away. "Augh! I mean, no!"  
"Would you like to have one?" While Tristan considers the implications of this, Roba begins to mumble once more under his breath: "Beem… Beeem…"  
"Wait, what are you say–"  
"Let us be brothers! The Force commands it!"  
"I don't think so–"  
"COME! THE FORRRRRCE! FLOWING!BEEEM!" Roba sticks out one hand. "COME! BROTHER! LET US LIVE TOGETHER!"

And Tristan runs.  
Fast.

Notes:  
1. Chewbacca – From _Star Wars_ – this isa VERY loud character (basically a brown Yeti) who is known for his howling. Why is there a _Star Wars _reference in this story? Well, I have no idea. What I _do _know is that we're still allowed to have it in, since _Yu–Gi–Oh _ came out well after _Star Wars_ did.


	15. Ardentshipping (Honda x Shizuka)

**Ardentshipping (Honda(Tristan) x Shizuka (Serenity))  
**_Flaws of the pairing: _God, the anime warped _so much_, and this is definitely a ship that gets its backing from that.

First, the good things: It's one of the more realistic pairings out there as their personalities don't clash – which is a nice change from the general crackiness of such gems as Acquaintanceshipping. It's also the most popular pairing I've covered so far (although that's not really saying much – you just _wait_ until we get to Puppyshipping… *shivers*).

I guess if I was in a bad mood, I'd call it a "good try". I mean, at least it's not a gay ship, and there are some canon situations where Tristan's seemingly in love with Shizuka… _but they were in the anime._ The manga doesn't really push things one way or the other – there is the suggestion that Tristan's in love with Shizuka, but it's a pretty loose one…

And, even with all that non–canoness put aside, two rather glaring flaws still remain:  
Reason number one: "You're in love with my SISTER?!" Yes, Jounouchi will actively try to stop Shizukafrom getting hooked with his best friend. He's very, very protective when it comes to his sister. In addition, Honda's less likely to want Shizuka as a girlfriend, since she's… uh… well, Jounouchi's sister. It's a bit like the whole Harry/Ginny situation of Harry Potter, but with the best friend being a thug instead of a klutz.

Reason number two: "Hey, I'm Duke Devlin. Wanna sit with me?" If you've seen the anime, you'll see this sort of thing happen over and over again: Honda impresses Shizuka, and Duke does something even more impressive. Anything that brunette can do, Duke can do better, and he will do it, impressing Shizkua very much indeed.

I'll be good and not look at the wholeHonda vs Duke thing until we get to that pairing (Crushshipping) – however I WILL tackle Jounouchi's reaction to Honda…

Also, why do I feel like I've done way too many Tristan/Honda ships in comparison to everything else? __

**Warnings:**Honda's drunk.**  
Time period:**Battle City, as so many of the others are. **  
Names:**  
Katsuya Jounouchi/Joey Wheeler = Jounouchi  
Shizuka Jounouchi/Serenity Wheeler = Shizuka  
Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor = Honda

"Shizzy?" There's a loud tapping on my bedroom door, and I stir. "…Huh?"  
"It'sha meee, Sh'onda!"  
"Honda…? No, youse _can't_ go in." Joey's voice is firm, and I imagine him standing in front of the door.  
"But I brought a _drink…_"  
"Which _ah'll_ be having, thanka vah–ry much. Shizuka needs 'er rest."  
"She'll wanna ta shee me, sho'!" Sounds of a scuffle outside.  
"Idiot! She _can't _see ya! Bandages, yeah?"  
"Ohhhh… Yesch, well–"  
"Hey, what are you _doi–_"  
**BANG!  
**  
The door comes flying open, and someone launches themselves onto my bed. Someone else snatches a pillow and begins whacking him repeatedly. "Stop dat!"  
Honda moans – then suddenly lashes out. In the darkness, I hear my brother crash into the furniture and fall over – and then Honda's right there next to me.  
"Oh, Shizzy… ", he whispers against my ear, gripping me in a tight hug that makes my blood run cold. "Mish'ed you _sho much…_"  
From the doorway, I can hear my brother making strangled sounds, and I let out a little whimper of distress in response. "Jou–"  
"Gwahhh… Oi! Gerroff ma sister, ya perv!" With a cry of rage, Jounouchi recovers from his shock and swoops down on us, plucking my admirer away from me and depositing him on the floor. "Doncha _ever_treat 'er like dat again!"

The brunette presumably rolls to his feet, as indicated by a clumsycrash and a thud as he slams into something in the corner. "I'll treat her sch'owever the *hic* sch'ell I sch'ike!"  
"She's ma _sister,_ ya moron!" My brother pulls Honda off again – from the sounds of annoyance, I guess that he's rolled his eyes at me. "_Someon'_ hadda bit tah much tah drink, ah think."  
"But… Schizzzy… *hic*" I hear the brunette slump to the floor, and Joey groans.  
"Dammit, how ammi goin' ta get you out _now_?"  
"Schizzy." Honda's evidently still conscious, and now Joey's struggling out the door with him.  
"C'mon, you. Ma fist's gotta few things tah say tah ya!"


	16. Argenshipping (Pegasus x Ryou)

**Argenshipping **(Pegasus x Ryou)  
_Flaws of the pairing:_ Sheesh, and I thought Ryouta X Yugi's Grandpa was an unusual pairing… How wrong I was.  
Guys, do I really _have_ to explain myself on this one?  
I do… Damn.

This should be fairly obvious. Come on, Pegasus is what, about fifty? And Ryo is… Fifteen? (well, we know that he's fourteen–turning–fifteen at the start of the manga, and his birthday's late in the year (September, three days before mine actually! XDD)– thus, he might not be sixteen when he meets Pegasus during Duelist Kingdom.) That's a full THIRTY – FIVE YEARS between the two of them. Never mind that the last thing Pegasus would remember before his death is Yami Bakura. Never mind that Pegasus's Millennium Eye can read minds, and let's forget all about Yami Bakura being all obsessed with trying to get hold of that Item.

And _even then_, the ship's still not going to work – because their personalities clash VERY badly. Ryo is… kinda nervous of everything. He's a very private person – there's no way he' going to let anyone like Pegasus get near him, especially if they have something like… oh, I dunno… a Millennium Eye that can read his mind, perhaps? Pegasus is VERY confident, and Ryo doesn't like that sort of person either.

**Warnings:** Clean – no blood, but there's a heck of a lot of noise…  
**Time Period:** Duelist Kingdom (YAY!) Pegasus is upset over losing to Yami, and Ryo finds him. This is an alternative explanation for why Yami Bakura ripped Pegasus's Eye out right then and there, and didn't just wait or do it earlier.  
**Names:**  
Maxmillion Pegasus / Pegasus J. Crawford = Maxmillion Pegasus (but mostly referred to as "Pegasus")  
Ryo Bakura/ Ryou Bakura = Ryo Bakura

The silver haired man waits until it's all over, and the new champion has left the room, before he begins the preparations for the next act of this symphony that is his life. He's always been one for dramatics, after all – and so he has his men pull out a massive mahogany chair and set it in the very centre of the room. They dim the lights, they hang a melancholy painting on the wall, they place a drugged cat in his lap. Pegasus strokes it, sniffs a small rose almost delicately, then raises his head to the ceiling…

And thus begins the first note – a great cadenza signaling the beginning of the twenty–four–hour long piece.  
"YUUUUUUGIIIIIII!"  
It is a wondrous sound indeed, cutting the air with fifty levels of resonance, and another one hundred painful frequencies. The man clenches his fists, he groans, he tosses his head and moans – and then lets loose, tears flowing from his eyes as he howls his grief –  
"YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH ! AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! YUUUUUUUU–HU-HU–HU–HUUUUUU… YUUUUGIIIII! NOOOOOOOOOOOO–"  
"Agh!" The sound is not his – it is pitiful, a small noise of pain. The perfect cadences have been interrupted, and the man glares at the small figure who dares stagger into the great orchestra pit and disturb a master at his craft.  
"Who are you?" Years of smiling for the cameras have made the man's voice stiff and fake. The white – haired boy looks up to the intimidating figure in the huge chair, and lifts his hands from his ears, some great fear in his eyes.  
"Please… don't…"  
Pegasus frowns. "You do not like my creation…? Take him away!" He waves to nonexistent guards, and resumes the piece, his eye closed in his great remembering of this miserable, inglorious, dishonourable defeat!  
"OHHHHHH! YUUUUUUUGIIII, HOOOOOWWW COULD YOOOOOUU?! I… tried … so *sniff* hard… an'… no… NOOOO! AYYAYAYYYYYYYY– Mmph!"  
A small hand clamps over his mouth, and Pegasus brushes it away. "Guards!", he calls, but they cannot hear him – they all put in A–Strength earplugs when the symphony began, and are currently stationed in the dungeons of the castle to get away from the sound of the man's voice. He decides to scowl down at the child instead. "What is it _now?_"  
"No more…" he whimpers, his hands firmly over his ears. There are tears in his eyes, and the man feels a great feeling arise in his heart. "Oh, I shall weeeep for you, too! OHHHHH, MYYYY DEFEEEEEAAT! MYYY TEARS, FLOOOWWWWINNNNG LIKE THE RIVER STYX! OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…"  
The boy begins to moan and cry. "Please, just… just… "  
"YUUUUUUUUGIIIIII…"  
"Stop… please…"  
"YOUR NAAAAAAAAAAAMEEEEE!"  
"No… It _hurts!_ STOP SINGING–"  
"YOUUUUUUUU–"  
The poor boy finally snaps, tears flowing down his cheeks as he screams. "AAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGHHH!"  
"OWWWWWWWWWWWOOOWWOOOOWOOOWWW !" Pegasus howls in harmony with this new instrument as it changes pitch, it rises high above anything he's ever heard in his life. It reels with pain as it's pushed further and further. The man howls and wails and pushes, the screams become higher, elevating in a wondrous crescendo–  
_More! More!  
_And suddenly the tune changes. It's no longer some crying wail, but a great cackle, a mad laugh, the breaking point –  
_Madness… By god, this child is a genius!  
_Pegasus feels the emotion sweep him up, and he begins to laugh, to choke as something holds him close, something rips out his Eye of gold. It laughs, then suddenly the boy's scream returns as he sees the man's condition…  
And they scream together, one in pain and one in horror…

_It is beautiful. A fitting… end to this piece… The coda… yes…  
_The screaming dies as suddenly as it began, and a single word pops into the man's head as he sinks into a sleep he'll never wake from. The perfect word to describe this new rising star, the closing of his own story:  
_Finis._  
And the last thing he hears is the boy, his voice now dark and sinister…  
"That… was the worst thing I've ever heard in my life."__


	17. Aromashipping (Ryouta x Honda x Joey)

**Aromashipping **(Ryouta x Hiroto x Katsuya)  
_Flaws of the triangle:_I like to get a little idea of the popularity of the pairing before I start… But did you know that when I looked up this pairing, I found nothing but one lonely little one–shot (done for the "Yu–Gi–Oh Yaoi Shippings List")? Even WikiFic listed no authors, nor fanfictions for this pairing. The Tumbr was empty, aside from a definition ripped from WikiFic… And when I went on Google Images, I found NO PICTURES AT ALL.

Say what you like, but for me that actually beats the "one fanfic, one picture" record for Aptshipping. This is actually only the second time anyone has ever written for this pairing… and the very first time it's ever been parodied like this. I got curious, so I decided that instead of writing about why the pairing doesn't work, I'd have a go at saying why it wouldn't sit so well with the fans.

So, why is it so very unpopular? Well, we know that regardless of the canon, fans will ship pretty much _anything_ – but there's always the dominant pairings to consider. For Yu–Gi–Oh, these are the "Yami X Hikari" pairings, Puppyshipping, and Thiefshipping (which only really became popular after LK made it canon in Abridged) – all very popular pairings, and probably take up about 95% of the Yu–Gi–Oh stories out there (that involve _canon _character ships, anyway). Rule of thumb here: If a given pairing upsets two or more of these pairings, is straight,or has three characters, then it will _most likely_ be a shunned ship… unless it has canon 'backup' – like Joey X Mai, Duke X Tristan X Shizuka, either Yugi or Yami X Anzu, Joey X Yugi, and so on.

And now, if we apply that to Aromashipping: It will not interfere with any of those dominant ships, with the exception of Puppyshipping... but oh dear, it's got three characters with no canon 'backup'. Probably going to be unpopular, then.

But here's another good reason for the pairing being unpopular with the fans: Ryouta Kajiki's a very uncommon character to be seen in these pairings. Anything with him's going to be awkward and unpopular, face it – he's a VERY minor character, and the shippers are therefore less likely to use him. There's a reason that Buddyshipping (Tristan X Joey) is more popular with the shippers than this one is, guys.

**And now, back to the flaws of the ship**: Even without Kajiki being obscure, the other two's relationship with him in canon is strained. Kajiki is Joey's rival, for heavens sake, and the last time Tristan saw the fisherman, Kajiki was running around shirtless, and throwing harpoons at Yugi – it's not something that's going to make a really good impression, is it?

**Warnings:** Violence, suggestive language.**  
Time Period: **Duelist Kingdom, in those weird days where Joey bashed people over the head to get a cheerleading squad into a _castle_ dedicated to dueling… then proceeded to use a children's card game to fight with. I… never really got that part, to be honest, but then again, it was the only way Joey could have gotten into Battle City.  
**Names:**  
Joey Wheeler/ Katsuya Jounouchi = Joey Wheeler  
Ryouta Kajiki/Mako Tsunami = Ryouta Kajiki  
Tristan Taylor/ Hiroto Honda = Tristan Taylor

The thug slumped to the floor, his head lolling to one side. The blonde standing over him laughed and smiled savagely. "Count the stars around your head!" (1) He beckoned to the little group of three behind him. "Come on i–"  
"I don't think so, Joey!" A harpoon thudded into the dirt next to the boy, who looked understandably startled. "I too have ten star–chips!" the newcomer roared, storming his way up the stairs of the castle to meet the little group. He was far darker than Joey, blue eyes glinting dangerously in a sun–tanned face – but that wasn't really made the blonde's heart skip a beat. No, that would have to be the fact that Ryouta Kajiki wore no shirt, and was absolutely proud of it.  
One of the members of the group – a tall, well muscled brunette with a ridiculous point of hair at the front of his head – stepped forwards. "But… I thought that…"  
Kajiki laughed, running dirty nails through his messy black ponytail. "Well, this moron wandered into my territory – this 'Player Killer' or whatever. He had twenty star chips, so–(2)"  
Joey's jaw dropped. "Wait, lemme get dis straigh'. Ya _beat_ a Playa Killa?"  
"Yes!"  
There was a distinctly awkward silence, while the two duelists glared daggers at each other."On'ly one of us kin go in, right?"  
"Yeah!" The fisher–teen punched the air. "Hey, let's duel for it!"  
"Bring it!" The blonde waved to the other members of his group. "Go inside. Ah'll catchup."

Two of the people with him – a white haired boy and a girl with her hair in a short bob – nodded and left immediately, but the boy who had spoken before hung back. "Joey…"  
"Tristan, jus' go! Ah'll catch yer up!"  
"Not happening." The brunette leaned against a tree, failing to notice the way Kajiki's eyes lingered on him a moment, the same way a shark's eyes linger on a seal. "I'll wait for you."

Retrieving his harpoon, the fisher–teen smiled at Joey. "Tell you what, I'll forfeit… on _one_ condition."  
The blonde went to make a quick response, but fortunately for him, Tristan was more cautious. "What is this condition?"  
Kajiki shrugged. "Just that we play a game that's _not_ Duel Monsters. It doesn't matter who wins or loses – I'll forfeit either way. But if you pull out, then I go through to the finals."  
Joey nodded immediately. "Ah'll do it!"  
The teen nodded, then looked at Tristan. "And you?"  
The brunette's eyes narrowed. "You want me to… play a game with you and Joey? What sort of game?"  
"Heheh… Well, that's a secret."  
The other boy rolled his eyes, then sighed. "Fine, I'll do it."

Kajiki grinned broadly at the duo, and pulled out a deck of playing cards. "So, here's the game. Remember, if either of you pull out, I'll go through to the finals."  
Joey blinked. "What de… Go Fish? Dat's a _kiddie_ game!"  
The tanned boy only laughed. "No… This is no kids game."  
Tristan sighed. "But everyone knows that Go Fish is for–"  
"This isn't Go Fish."  
"Then what _is_ it?" Joey grumbled.  
"It's _Strip_ Go Fish. Every time one of us says "Go Fish", whoever asked has to take off an item of clothing." Kajiki rubbed his hands together. "Alright, you two. Prepare for the embarrassment of your lives – I'm a pro at this game!"

There was a long, awkward silence. "Can't we play something else?"  
"Nope."

The blonde made a snap decision and lunged for the cards. "You're on!"  
Kajiki laughed, though behind that smile he was quietly calculating how _best_ to dismember his enemies' pride. "That's the spirit!"  
Notes:  
1. Actual dialogue in the manga.  
2. Player Killers carried enough room for _forty_ Star Chips on their wrists (twenty on each hand) – it was theorized in the manga that their job was to steal forty Star Chips, since there were forty competitors w/two Star Chips each, and yet only four with ten Star Chips were to be allowed to get through to the finals.


	18. Arrogantshipping (Seto Kaiba x Mai)

**Arrogantshipping **(Seto x Mai)  
_Flaws of the Pairing:_ This one's name made me giggle, because it's just such an accurate name for a ship starring Seto Kaiba and Mai Kujaku. Ironically, the arrogance of these two is EXACTLY why they don't get on; they will both refuse to compromise or back down, which then leads to hectic arguments, duels deciding everything, so on and so forth. Don't forget that Seto's pretty much emotionless – so he's not going to appreciate Mai's flirting. Mai in turn has always been a very aloof character, who walks alone in most instances.

But… there _is_ actually one way that this ship could potentially "work" with all characters IC (In Character)! This is a scenario where Mai decides that she'd like to get her hands on the Kaiba fortune, and starts courting Kaiba. We know that Mai's a pretty good actress, from her manipulating of Rex during Duelist Kingdom, so it's actually entirely possible that this could happen – Mai tolerates Kaiba, in order to sneakily spend his money.

WOOT, I FINALLY FOUND A SHIP THAT COULD WORK WITH IN CHARACTER–NESS!

But guess what, this is Shipping _Lampooned_, not Shipping _Successfully_.

And you should know what _that_ means by now…  
**Warnings: **None._  
_**Time:** Battle City. It's the night before the dueling, and Mai is feeling a bit chilly in her room… so, just like she did in Duelist Kingdom, she opts to find a better one…  
**Names:** Seto Kaiba = Seto Kaiba  
Mai Valentine/Mai Kujaku = Mai Kujaku

"Oh, I give up!" The blonde lady hurls her Duel Disk at the little switch set high up on the wall. For half an hour now, she's been trying and trying to flick it, to turn the freezing cold air conditioner off, but to no avail. The owner of the airship in which she is to freeze, Seto Kaiba, has had it mounted at _his_ height, presumably to get back at his vertically challenged rival – and he's a freakishly tall person.  
_Seto bleeding Kaiba! Who does he think he is, the CEO of KaibaCorp?  
Well, he is… but that's beside the point._

Mai Kujaku stands, fury in her eyes as she heads for the door.  
_I'm going to teach that useless prick a good lesson or two! Let's see how he likes it in my room!_

Seto Kaiba yawns, leans back in his chair a moment. _Well, this tournament worked out well. All I have left is the finals, and it'll all be ov–  
_**WHAM!  
**The door nearly flies off its hinges as Mai Kujaku storms in. "Kaiba! I might have known you'd try something lik– Ooooh."  
The brunette removes his hands from his ears and draws himself up into a somewhat imposing position, but the lady barely notices. She's too busy admiring the temperature of Kaiba's office. "It's so warm in here!"  
The CEO laughs, his chest puffing out with pride. "Kaiba Corp is at the forefront of all techno–"  
The blonde head snaps around as it remembers its mission, nearly deafening Kaiba. "WHY'D YOU MOUNT THE FREAKING AIR–CON SWITCH ON THE WALL?!"  
It takes a moment for Kaiba to process this. "Huh?"  
She sniffs. "It doesn't matter. I'm taking this room for the night."

Kaiba stands in shock for several seconds – it's been so long since anyone talked to him like that that he's forgotten how to react. Mai smirks a little, knowing that she has timed things perfectly – just as she expected, the CEO is sleep addled and not as sharp as he would usually be.  
"You're… taking my room?"  
The lady waves dismissively at him. "Yes. I believe Joey's room is very comfortable… Unless you'd like me to actually challenge you for it?"  
Kaiba's lip curls in a snarl, and he's whipped out his Duel Disk in a split second. Unfortunately, in his striped pyjamas and nightcap, this only makes him look even more ridiculous. "No–one challenges me and wins! NO–ONE!"  
Mai lets loose with a great yawn. "Come _on_. You really think I'd be challenging _you _to a duel?"  
"Then wha–"  
The blonde winks at him. "Wanna make a bet with me? I bet that I can read the order of my cards perfectly."  
"No. We duel."  
"We'll stake this room, plus whatever money we have…"  
"That's stupid. No, you play Duel Monsters with me!"  
"…And the loser has to sleep with Joey, of course."  
"We _duel!_"  
"Fine, don't accept my challenge", Mai shrugs. "Though, of course you'll lose the room…"  
Kaiba grits his teeth, getting to his feet and reaching for the intercom. "Miss Kujaku, would you kindly get out of my–"  
"…And just _imagine_ what would happen if Yugi were to find out that you forfeited."

The threat is beautifully timed; Kaiba freezes, his hand inches away from the button that would call seven guards to the room in a heartbeat. "You're bluffing."  
A smirk is all he gets in reply. "_Am_ I?"  
And so Seto Kaiba grudgingly sits down, and shuffles Mai's deck…

And you should all know what happened next.


	19. Ateloshipping (Bandit Keith x Pegasus)

**Ateloshipping**(Keith x Pegasus)

_Flaws of the Pairing:_***WARNING: RANT MODE ACTIVATED!***

There's so, so many things wrong with this pairing! For starters, Bandit Keith HATES Pegasus's guts. Pegasus stole his girlfriend, embarrassed him on national television, and constantly talks down to him. Keith's bad–mouthed Pegasus on numerous occasions – even pointed a gun at his head, for crying out loud!And Pegasus certainly seems to enjoy torturing and embarrassing Bandit Keith. He reduced Keith to rags, he was the cause of Keith's addictions – honestly, the two are bitter enemies! Even under the influence of alcohol, amnesia, or whatever… Keith's still going to be obsessed with money, Pegasus with control and power. It's just _not gonna work_!

Oh, you want evidence? Well, here's an example that sums up just how much they hate each other, and exactly _why_ this pairing is never going to work: Pegasus has _killed _Keith.

And yet PEOPLE HAVE ACTUALLY WRITTEN SERIOUS FANFICS ABOUT THIS PAIRING. They have drawn _pictures_.

...Just... no.

**Warnings:**None.  
**Time Period:**Duelist Kingdom, right after Keith loses to Joey. Remember how Pegasus tortured Keith with that Shadow Game? I thought that it was a bit over the top myself – especially since we were well out of Season Zero territory by that point.  
…So here's another opinion on why Pegasus might have done what he did.  
**Names:**Maxmillion Pegasus/Pegasus J. Crawford = Maxmillion Pegasus.  
Bandit Keith = Bandit Keith.

"Pegasus!"  
I stop, turn. There's a familiar face in front of me, its lips drawn back in a cruel snarl. I wave a hand dismissively.  
"What do you want, Keith?"  
He leans against the wall in exhaustion, though he's still trying to play tough with me. "Shut it. Just gimme what I want!"  
"Oh? I don't think you're really in a position to order me around. I am, after all, your superior."  
"N–no…"  
I extend a hand towards him as he loses balance, falls to his knees. "I would be willing to forget all about this little incident… Come with me. I want you to witness my skills one last time." I focus on Keith for a moment.  
_Mind Scan!_  
The information comes back in a split second. My Millennium Eye tells me that there's no way in heck that Keith will agree to this – and he has…  
_Information?  
_  
The American begins to laugh. "N– 'm not gonna come with you, Pegasus… Ah'm gonna take you down with me."  
A cold and clammy hand grips mine. "Go ahead. Read ma mind, _Peggy_. I sent photos to the local news station. You'll be all over de… press…" He breaks off into a series of racking coughs. "No–one will ever forget de name of Maxmillion Pegasus… for taking my wife. You'll be shamed, arrested… but… dey needs a signature." He smiles a sick smile at me, holding up a piece of paper. "If you… jus' hand over the prize money, the station…. Dey won't get dat signature."

A second Mind Scan into the blue, delirious eyes of this desperate man tells me that he is correct in everything he says. I smile pleasantly, condescendingly. "There's one thing you didn't consider, Keith."  
"Which is…?"  
I draw my fringe back, revealing my Millennium Eye. "What if I were to kill you?"

And twenty seconds later, he's dead on the floor.


	20. Avishipping (Yami Yugi X Isis)

**Avishipping** (Yami no Yuugi x Isis)  
_Flaws of the pairing:_On the plus side, the two characters are of opposite genders and haven't attempted to butcher each other in the last twenty seconds. And even better: Isis is actually Yugi's ally! Huzzah!

But the other side of things tips the scales: It's awkward for Isis, because she's effectively going out with a five – thousand year old spirit, who possesses the body of a fifteen – year old, and he's only ever spoken to her once. Remember that Isis is not some city girl – she's the ambassador of Egypt, with a professional reputation that she needs to keep. Going out with a sixteen year old kid, even if he _is _Atem or whatever… It's not going to look good on her record, is it?

Yami may not have any problems with Isis, but that certainly doesn't mean that he likes her in _that _way. He's usually very respectful towards Isis, but ultimately indifferent. And given that Yugi is remaining consciously aware of what Yami's doing by this point (since we meet Isis during Battle City), how do you think he's gonna feel about this?  
"Oh, hey Joey. Guess what, this five–thousand year old pharaoh is randomly taking over my body without my permission, making out *or worse* with my worst enemy's twenty–five year old sister, and I get to watch it!  
…And I am _totally_ okay with that!No, _seriously!_"  
*pause*  
"What do you mean, the sarcasm alarm's gone off again?"

Come _on_, peoples. Beyond Isis obsessing over Yami in her weird Egyptian way (which ain't gonna happen, so long as she's IC), the ship's one that is borderline crack. Sure, it might not be as unlikely as Unlikelyshipping (Marik X Haga)… but it is still a pretty crack–y pairing.

**Warnings:**Isis is every bit as OOC as a scenario where Yami Marik's dancing gaily through a grassy field in a tutu and bonnet, scattering roses and singing nursery rhymes in a high falsetto.*Suddenly has a horrible feeling that said scenario might actually get drawn some day – or has even already been drawn, knowing the fandom.*To be honest, I'm not even sure myself as to why exactly I do this to Shadi and Isis – maybe it's to make the pairing fails funnier or something.  
**Time Period:**Battle City, the night before the finals. Yami discovers a secret fan of his…  
**Names:**Isis Ishtar/Ishizu Ishtar (try saying that five times fast!) = Isis  
Yami Yugi/Yami/Atem/Pharaoh = Yami Yugi

The teen with the tri–coloured hair stands silently on the deck of the airship, contemplating his next move as he stares at the dueling arena before him. A cold breeze ripples past him, as the zeppelin cruises over Domino City, and over the railings he can see hundreds of tiny candle lights twinkling below. Staring down at these frail sparks of life, the boy – or rather, the five–thousand year old spirit in control of the boy's body – wonders if he'll ever get his memories back. The God cards, Marik's torturing of his friends, duel after duel…  
_It's all happened so fast, hasn't it?_ The voice of his host resonates deeply in his mind, and he smiles.  
_Yes, I suppose it has.  
_  
"Pharaoh!" The voice is female, controlled in its tone – but at the same time, it is brimming with uncontained excitement. It cuts through the teen's thoughts faster than a knife through butter.  
"Hmm?"

Yami Yugi turns to find the elegant young lady – an Egyptian, perhaps twenty five years old – kowtowing furiously. "Oh…. Oh, _yes!_Thank Ra! Pharaoh, oh Pharaoh… I have long awaited your arrival!"

The young man sighs. "Could you possibly get up?"  
"No! No! It is an offense not to kneel in the presence of my Pharaoh!"  
Yami considers throwing this crazy woman off the blimp for annoying him, but eventually decides against it. "I know you… You're one of the other finalists here, aren't you?"  
"Yes! " The young lady gasps at the realization of this; nearly swooning in the process. Yami puts an arm around her back to support her, and she grips his other hand tightly. Inside his head, he feels his host wince.  
"Are you all right?"  
She looks up into his amethyst eyes, seemingly entranced. "Yes… I couldn't be feeling better, actually." She purrs with contentment, trying to nuzzle the confused teen's cheek. "You're my _idol_, you know. I think we should–"  
The teen blushes furiously, cutting her off. "I'd rather _not_. Why don't you–"  
"No! No! I will never leave your side, oh my Pharaoh! I'll be with you forever and always and–"  
"But you've got a nice bed and–"  
"And I'll never leave you, and love you forever, and serve you, and–"

The young man tries again and again to persuade her otherwise… but eventually, something snaps. His patience is not infinite, after all. "Oh, I've had it with you…MIND CRUSH!"


	21. Awareshipping (Ryuuji X Marik X Ryou)

**Awareshipping**(Ryuuji x Marik x Ryou)

YAY!  
Finally, I get to do a Duke shipping! Interestingly, he's involved in two of my favourite ship fics of all time. I mean, I don't normally go for ship fics in general, but these particular two were _amazingly _written, and – ah! I'm getting ahead of myself. Sorry about that, I'll discuss those particular stories when we touch on their respective pairings (Kickshipping and Minorshipping)

Anyway, so… yeah.  
*coughs frantically, then goes to shoot herself for getting off topic*  
_  
Flaws of the triangle:_ Okay, so this one's got a little bit going for it. I mean, two of them are friends (erm… sort of), and they all know each other (again… sort of)! They've all been evil at _some_point, but I mean… Hey, they're all nice guys as soon as Millennium World's over.

The personality clashes are not appalling, but they don't bode well for the pairing, either. Both Duke and Marik have very controlling, domineering personalities – which means that they aren't going to get on that well. Duke also dislikes Marik already, due to Battle City. Ryo would greatly prefer being left alone than being left with these two, and he is of course scared of Marik. Yami Bakura and Yami Marik mean that at any point, the whole thing can fall apart or end horribly – but still, in very specific situations, this ship can be made to work (more on that in a second).

The big problem is that at any given point in the canon, at least one of these characters is guaranteed to be either evil or not present.  
Pre– Final Episode of Dungeon Dice Monsters? We have Evil! Duke.  
Pre– Final Episode of Battle City? We have Evil! Marik, and also Yami Marik during that arc.  
Pre–Final Episode of Millennium World? We have Yami Bakura.

Oh – and after the Final Duel, Duke's in America, Ryo's in Domino City, and Marik's in Egypt. Pretty much kills any hope of the characters being in a threesome where they all love each other, doesn't it?

As I said before, there are ways to make this ship work – however, _they only apply to friendship themes, not yaoi lovey–dovey action_. For instance, Ryo and Duke are somehow kidnapped by Marik during Battle City, and work together to easily complete the challenges Marik sets them. As soon as Marik figures this out, he begins to make attempts to pull them apart (a la _Portal 2's _co–op). The result would be a nifty little tale about friendship – that, in the hands of the right author, could work. –fifty chance.

But…Seriously, a love ship for this pairing just _isn't_ going to work with all characters IC. It just… my mind… _no_.I mean, even if we make all three of them OOC to make the ship work… how exactly do you think Yami Marik and Yami Bakura are gonna react to _that _one?

Here's a hint: They _aren't _gonna say something like "My other side/host's gone and fallen in love with some idiot he barely knows, and has also fallen in love with my worst enemy. AWWW THAT'S SO SWEEEET! YOU THREE LOOK GREAT TOGETHER!"

Your Honor, I rest my case.

**Warnings: **AU: The anime version Yu–Gi–Oh is in fact a televised version of the "real" events of the manga. To make this TV show, all of the Yu–Gi–Oh characters have been located and used as actors, playing as themselves.

Other warnings: Alcohol seen, and lots of fourth wall abuse. **  
Time Period: **After Marik's downfall, but before DOMA.**  
Names:**  
Ryuuji Otogi/Duke Devlin = Duke Devlin  
Ryou Bakura/ Ryo Bakura/ whatever else = Ryo Bakura  
Marik/Namu/Malik (seriously, where the heck did that name come from?) = Marik

The tanned blonde makes his way through the dusty bar, shoving his way past two ridiculously drunk grunts. "Gimme some space to work with – I'm a main character!"  
"_Used _to be."  
Marik Ishtarwhirls in the general direction of the snigger, purple eyes scanning the crowd. "Who said _that?_ I'll… I'll murder you!"  
"Heh… With _what?_"

The Egyptian's gaze settles on the speaker this time – a rough looking young teen with startlingly green eyes, his pitch black ponytail flipped casually over one shoulder. The response comes to him instantly, of course – he's said it just _how _many times now?  
"With my Ro–"

Marik breaks off in embarrassment as he realizes what he almost said, the whole casino shaking with the laughter of its thirty or so occupants. Tossing his head in indignation, he strides up to the counter, slapping a few coins down on the counter in a futile effort to ignore them.  
_Revisiting the events of a few years ago, just for some ridiculous show… it's messing with my head._  
"I'll… I'll have a Bacardi."

The little old bartender wipes a tear from his eye, trying desperately to hold his laughter in at the sight of the once–proud antagonist, brought this low. From the looks of the Egyptian, his grandson had evidently given him a real beating on camera. Yugi used to be a _nice_ boy, but with each battle he'd won, and by extension the less screen time he'd gotten,he had become more and more vicious off camera. The heartbreaking things he'd said to Yami during one of the recent episodes (1) had in fact been part of an incident where he had gone a _long_way off script – he had never been meant to say anything like that. However, the deadline would not have been met had the footage not been included, and so the episode had aired.

The old man yawns, filling up Marik's drink as the chatter in the bar started up again. "So, what happened to you?"  
"Got on the wrong side of Yugi."  
There is a murmur of acknowledgement from the bartender. "Ah."  
Marikgrumps. "I mean, I knew I was going to get beaten, but he didn't have to say those things after we'd finished filming!Also, the director certainly didn't have to_ fire_me in favour of some guy who looks even girlier than I do! (2)"

The bartender doesn't bother answering – this sort of thing happens all the time around here, after all.

The teen who had spoken before calls out to Marik, even as the latter makes his way towards an empty table with his drink: "Hey, come sit with us!"  
"Why would I want to sit with _you_ losers?" The Egyptian underlines this statement with a scowl.  
A wry smile. "Need I remind you that you're one of us now?"  
With a sigh, Marik makes his way over to two sidelined characters that he never really liked much – on-set _or_ off-set. Ignoring the one who invited him, he instead nods to the second occupant of the table – a nervous, white haired, pale skinned teen.  
" expected to see you here."

Ryo Bakura shrugs, but says nothing – sad brown eyes perhaps contemplating the meaning of life in his cup of milk. The other teenager grins, downing the last of his Coke in one quick swallow and slamming the glass back on the table. "Shouldn't be a surprise to you, Marik. After all, you were taking up all his screen time."  
Marik snorts. "Huh. Duke, that's really nothing – neither of you two got abused by Yugi."  
Duke's eyes glitter dangerously, and Ryo tenses up. "Maybe some of us didn't try to _bully_ him in the first place."  
"Who are you calling a bully?" Marik stands, and the whole bar falls silent. One green haired boy yells "BEEM! BEEM!", but his shirtless companion quickly stuffs the handle of a harpoon in his mouth, silencing him.

Duke eyes Marik lazily. "You, of course. Seriously, don't you remember Battle City? The _real_ one?"  
"Hah! In both of them, he still insulted me! That kid's like a rabid dog – he should be put down."

Ryo gets up, sensing danger – but he cannot silence Duke's angry reaction fast enough.  
"You _don't _talk about Yugi like that!"  
The Egyptian hisses like an angry cat in response. "It's the truth! Yugi's a _jerk!_"

The whole bar breaks out into angry muttering and arguing, but Duke ignores it. "Oh…?" He stands, Ryo backing away as fast as possible. "You seem to be forgetting that we're still his friends."  
"Oh yeah? Well, _you _seem to be forgetting that he's still an arrogant little–"

The argument escalates quickly, and soon they are shouting at each other. Minutes later, they have come to blows… and from there the situation has turned into a frantic rolling of dice, shuffling of cards, and so on; whilst the poor bartender cowers behind the counter with Ryo. The pale boy mutters something fast under his breath, his fingers weaving into complex symbols – a prayer perhaps, or a spell…

Marik and Duke fight until dawn, but neither can seem to win – for some bizarre reason, they draw every match. Eventually, when the coin has landed on its edge for the tenth time, they are thrown out of the bar.  
"I _hate _you, Duke!"  
Duke grunts. "Same goes for you, Marik!"  
And with that, they walk in the opposite directions to each other.

And, somewhere on the internet, the fangirls all scream (okay, so maybe that one deranged girl who actually supports this pairing screams): "THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!"

Notes:  
1. During DOMA/Waking The Dragons, Yugi went evil and said some HORRIBLE things to Yami.  
2. A reference to Dartz, the main antagonist of the Waking The Dragons/DOMA arc. And trust me, he really _did_ look girlier than Marik…


	22. Azureshipping (Anzu X Kaiba)

**Azureshipping** (Seto x Anzu)  
_Flaws of the pairing:_ Ruthless, arrogant CEO meets innocent, friendly girl. He's insulted her friends and potential semi –canon boyfriend and attempted to kill her and her friends on multiple occasions (for examples, see Death–T). She, in return, hates his guts, having made many scathing remarks towards him. Their views and personalities clash so often, it's not even _funny_.

And so, they automatically love each other!

… No, _seriously_. Searching through brought up a grand total of seven hundred and eighty–eight fanfics that use Azureshipping, and the Google Image search found me over two thousand images (and another sixty with the Safesearch off). Although in reality the numbers are *hopefully* smaller than that, it's still way, way more fanfics and images than any other pairing so far covered has brought up!

Even though it's not yaoi (oh, don't worry, _that _ship will surely get covered at some point), I would very much like to know how exactly this ship could be made to work with both characters in character – since all I see is that Kaiba has caused Anzu nothing but hurt, and she hates him in return. If some friendly Azureshipper could help me here…?

**Warnings:**Violence, kissing (but not in any real detail) Also, because I like to torture myself on occasion, this whole thing was written whilst listening to "Gangnam Style" on repeat. Expect it to be pure crack as a direct result of this.

**Time Period:** Battle City, right after the first Joey versus Yugi duel.  
However, to my knowledge there are_ two_ versions of the ending to that duel:  
1. In the anime, Serenity grabbed Joey's key, dived in, and saved him.  
2. However… The manga reckoned that it was _Kaiba,_ not Serenity, who saved Joey after the duel. After deliberately waiting until Joey was "at his limit", Kaiba dropped the key to Joey's locks into the water, letting him free himself. In this version, Serenity didn't dive in either.  
I am going with the manga's version of events for this one–shot, where I attempt to find an answer to a very interesting question that it posed… _without _going into Puppyshipping:  
_"Why did Kaiba save Joey, the kid he hated with all his heart, and even attempted to kill?"_

**Names:**  
Seto Kaiba = Kaiba  
Anzu Mazaki/Tea Gardener = Anzu  
Joey Wheeler/Katsuya Jounouchi = Joey

"Joey… I love you." (1)  
I blink through the haze, as it begins to lift. _W–what… What was I doing…?_  
_Wait… My… my Yugi…_

Suddenly, it's gone, and Yugi's been fished out of the death trap. But Joey…  
"Joey!"  
I run towards the pier, reach for the key–  
"Ha!"

A boot kicks it away from me, then nearly crushes my delicate fingers, as the bully sweeps away across the pier. "Ugh…" I can see the key that will save my friend's life.  
_I've got to get it to him…or… _

Seto Kaiba stoops to pick it up, lazily twirling it between his fingers with a sarcastic smile. "Hmm… I wonder how long a little fish like him can hold his breath…?"  
"Stop that!", I call, but he doesn't seem to be listening. "Okay, you asked for it! I mean it!" I stalk over to him, raise my palm, and–  
TWHACK!

The others stop attempting to resuscitate Yugi and stare at me whilst Kaiba does a funny little sidestepping dance, clutching his cheek where I hit him.

Well... Really, there was only _one_option left, wasn't there?

I take a few steps back from him. "Kaiba, will you just _get a grip?_ Seriously, I didn't come all this way just to put up with _you!_"  
"Miss Mazaki–"  
"Shut it. If you don't throw the key into the water _this bloody instant_, I will be personally responsible for making you very wet." Duke giggles at that, but closes his mouth pretty quickly when I give him The Look.  
Kaiba smirks. "Oh? And what makes you think you can do _that?_"  
"I'm going to push you over the edge of the pier." Suddenly, I'm very close to him – close enough to push him off. "Throw that damn key into the water. _Now._"

"Just you try it". he laughs, bracing himself against me with ease. Try as I might, I can't make him move. Time's running out; and if I can't make him drop that key...

A horrible idea occurs to me; the sort of thing Mai Kujaku might dream up. On the one hand, it could work... but on the other, I'd _never _live it down...

"So, going to give up now? That little fish must be almost at his limit down there." I feel a sudden stab of anger at his words; and I recklessly put my plan into action.

"Eat this!" I land a punch straight to his more delicate areas, making him double over in pain, his head now at my height. Screwing up my courage, I lean in and give him a kiss.

Luckily, the strategy works. He drops the key in shock – and we both break away gagging.  
"Knock it off, you two!", Mokuba yells from behind us – and with a growl, Kaiba shoves him into the water. The boy lands with a splash and a scream, Joey surfacing besides him… just as Kaiba brings his face close to Mokuba's, his voice a snarl.  
"It. Wasn't. Even. On."  
Needless to say, the blonde nearly drowns a second time… laughing.

Notes:  
1. Yes, Yugi did actually say this in the Viz (English) manga. Cue bitter shipping wars amongst fans, many of whom remained blissfully unaware of the fact that this was translated from a "tearful goodbye" in the original Japanese.


	23. Balanceshipping (Isis X Ryo X Shadi)

Wow, we're finally onto the B pairings! I never thought I'd actually make it this far – thanks for your support, people who've given it!

So, for our first 'B' ship, we have…  
**Balanceshipping** (Shaadi x Isis x Ryou)  
What. The. Heckisthis, Idon'teven.  
_  
Flaws of the pairing:_Uh… I have a question! How does this ship even _work_? When Isis was present, Ryo was either (a) unconscious, having been taken over by Bakura, (b) suffering horribly and just barely conscious, for less than a minute during the Bakura vs Slifer duel, or (c) passed out in a bed on the blimp. When Shadi was hanging around, Ryo was either (a) not introduced, because we were only into the second volume of the original manga at the time, or (b) getting taken over by Bakura, about to duke it out with Yami Marik (ie when Shadi rescued Duke and Tristan in the anime). It's uncertain whether or not Isis and Shadi have met, but it's never actually happened, or been referenced to in canon.

But let's ignore that, and just say that they _do _meet… somehow. And here's a great big flaw, right here: A three–thousand–year–old ghost, a weirdo twenty–something Egyptian governess, and a cute albino teenager all falling in love…? _Seriously…?_  
And when you consider that Ryo is the incarnation of Afekia… Atem's very worst enemy…

Just.

N.  
O.

**Warnings:**Awkward. Really, _really_ if _that _doesn't tip you off, here's a hint: The one shot's total crack. Remember how I mentioned back in the Avishipping fic that Isis was "every bit as OOC as a scenario where Yami Marik's dancing gaily through a grassy field in a tutu and bonnet, scattering roses and singing nursery rhymes in a high falsetto"? Well, this time she's just as OOC as _Seto Kaiba_ doing that. Accompanied by his bodyguards. Who are all dressed as cherubs, playing lyres… and yes, –style.

…Sorry for the nightmares, peoples.

**Time Period:**Battle City, pre semifinals (ie Yami Yugi vs Ryo, Joey vs Rishid, ect). Ryo's in his room, and gets a very bizarre visit… oh, who am I kidding here.  
**Names:**  
Isis Ishtar = Isis  
Shadi = Shadi  
Ryo Bakura/Ryou Bakura = Ryo

**Note: **I use this for all my fics – however,newcomers may not know this :  
"Character is speaking normally"  
_"Character's dark side has taken them over, and they are speaking. A Rod–brainwashed character also speaks like this."_

The white–haired boy sits by himself in his room, wondering how it is possible to black out and find that (a) your steak has mysteriously vanished, yet you feel full – just as if you have eaten the steak, and (b) whoever ate your steak appears to have splattered remnants of barbecue sauce all over the walls whilst eating. (1)  
_That makes no sense…_

_Oh, Ryo, I wouldn't worry about that._ The voice resonates in his head, and he cringes.  
"You mean… Things will get better?"_  
No, actually. I meant that they're about to get ten times worse. This is absolutely NOTHING, you hear me?_  
"Y–ye–"  
"SQUEEE! I saw you in my prophecy!" Without warning, a downright crazy lady comes charging into Ryo Bakura's room, grabs him by the hands, and begins dancing the tango with him. "I don't know you, but you're cool! You're going to be the Dark Mind and everything!"  
"Would you kindly _get off him, Isis?_" The voice is deep; it belongs to a tanned and turbaned man. Ryo staggers as Isis lets him go, still slightly dizzy… and suddenly the man's very, _very_ close to him.  
"YOU!" He's shouting in the teen's ear, who winces a bit.  
"Uh…. Hi?"  
"I KNOW YOU!"  
"Um… well, I'm one of the finalists–"  
The response is so loud that poor Ryo could have sworn that something in his ear burst. "**NO! YOU ARE EVIL! EVIL! EVIL!**"  
"Eh? Wh–what d–do you mean?"  
_Jeez, I hope he doesn't mean my TRPG days with Monster World…_  
"**EVIL!EVIL!**" Ryo can't help but think of Turban Man as a bit of a parrot by this point…  
"Oh, Shadi! We should exorcise him!"  
"_Exercise?_ Why would we want t–"  
"No! We should get rid of his dark mind."  
_Ooookaay… Back away, slowly._  
"Uh… No thanks, I'm all goo–"  
Turban Guy lets out a cry of joy, evidently not listening to Ryo. "Yes, Isis! We must purify him with our bodies!"  
"Say _wha…?_"  
Before he has a chance to bolt, Shadi grabs one leg in a flying tackle, Isis grabs the other, and–

The boy's hair spikes, his eyes narrow… and he sighs, as he beholds the two Egyptians clinging pitifully to his legs, singing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" in Egyptian.  
_"Honestly… How much more of this am I supposed to take?"_ From somewhere off screen, someone yells something about how he's going to have to go through at least another fifty Yami Bakura/Ryo pairings, and he snarls. _"Rhetorical question!"  
_With a savage growl, he removes the duo from his legs with ease, flinging them into the hallway.  
_"…AND DON'T YOU DARE COME BACK!"_

Notes:

1. If you have not seen the "Bakura vs Steak" scene in Battle city, GO AND WATCH IT. The manga was content with having Ryo gently nom upon his steak… but the anime had Yami Bakura savagely tear into his food, shaking it as hard as he could… _and still manage to somehow look badass whilst doing it. _


	24. Balladshipping (Ryouta x Ryou X Shizuka)

**Balladshipping **(Ryouta Kajiki x Ryou Bakura x Shizuka Jounouchi)  
_Flaws of the ship:_ What is there to say? I find it hard to believe that anyone could come up with this ship - but then again, this is the same community that made up Screamshipping (Yami Marik X Shizuka, in case you were wondering).

There's just… no attraction between any of the characters. No hate, but no real like either…

Here's a quote, taken from a rather good YGO ships site (thanks, WikiFic!): _"This pairing is so named because each of the characters have sad stories to their lives, such as the kind sung about in ballads."_Uh…Well, I guess that kind of indicates that this ship was somehow meant to be a threesome, with the three all pitying each other. Problem: All three characters have issues with the others - listed below for your convenience!

Kajiki: Kajiki does not even know _of_ Shizuka - and somehow, I do not think that Jounouchi would appreciate his sister falling in love with Kajiki, given that Kajiki's his secondary rival. Kajiki's also confident to the point of overbearing and pushy; this confidence clashes badly with Ryo's gentle demeanor.

Ryo: Ryo does not appreciate – repeat – he does NOT appreciate – new people. He tends to distance himself from them, and not least because of Yami Bakura. Kajiki is basically a total stranger to Ryo – he will not know what to think. Remember also, that Ryo was never very close to Shizuka in the manga or the anime (even though she does know him) – actually, he was mostly getting out of other people's way/being unconscious during Battle City (when Shizuka's actually around him).

Shizuka: Shizuka is… not a particularly confident girl, and is easily scared. Boisterous Kajiki is thus likely to scare her. Ryo confuses Serenity, who is probably scared of his alter ego (let's face it, the most Serenity would have seen of Ryo is during the Yugi vs Ryo duel on the zeppelin… and he sounded like a total psycho then.)

By the way, I can't find any serious fanfics about this pairing, aside from the one in the Het Pairings Oneshots Listing. There's also no images, which is probably a good thing…

In conclusion, I think one could argue that writing a non AU, IC oneshot about how these three are in love is every bit as difficult as writing a non AU, IConeshot thatpokes fun at the idea that they might be in love.  
…And trust me, that is one_hard_ thing to do.

**Warnings:**Shirtless Ryo and Kajiki.  
**Time Period:**After Battle City, but before Millennium World.  
**Names: **  
Ryouta Kajiki/Mako Tsunami = Kajiki  
Shizuka Jounouchi/Serenity Wheeler = Shizuka  
Ryou Bakura/ Ryo Bakura = Ryo  
Katsuya Jounouchi/ Joey Wheeler = Jounouchi

The teen sighs as he enters the school, bag slung over one shoulder. Several girls automatically faint as he does so, and he shakes his head in disbelief. _After all this time, they still behave like this…_  
It's been two years since the pretty, white haired teen first entered Domino High School, and he only expected to be here two weeks – after all, that was how long he lasted at the last school. But somehow, his friends didn't fall into comas, and so he's been coming here for two years, in between a busy life of endless card game tournaments. The girls here were delighted when he stayed – the "Ryo Bakura Fanclub" is still going strong, its numbers seemingly increasing with every day he attends school.

Ryo's walk to the locker takes him past the fanclub's headquarters – it is always the part of his day that he wishes he could just skip. Sometimes, he wonders if he'll black out; and when he wakes up, all the girls will be gone, and a pile of miniatures will rest before him – but he knows that it would never happen. Those bad days are all over now – although he still wears the Ring around his neck, it does not speak to him anymore.

The sound of raucous male laughter wakes him from his reverie, and he turns. The noise is coming directly from the fanclub's room.  
_A boy…? In my fanclub?_

Curious now, he peers around the doorframe to see. The laughter belongs to a muscular, _very_ well tanned teenager. With his messy black hair, and his ridiculous tunic, the older boy looks somehow familiar to Ryo, but he can't quite place the face…

"Ryo!" He groans – one of the girls has spotted him! Before he can make an excuse, she's touched his arm–

To his surprise, she doesn't grab him or try to drag him away. Instead, the pretty red–head simply studies his features a moment, then looks away.  
Ryo struggles for the name."…Shizuka?"  
"Yes." Her face lights up. "I thought I might find you here."  
There's a dead silence, as every girl in the room stares at him. Ryo's whole body begins to shake; he doesn't like any of the attention he's getting. "W–why were you looking for me?"  
Shizuka seems to be just as nervous and fidgety as he is. "J–Jounouchi… he wanted…"  
The teen nods in reply. "Your brother wanted to see me?"  
"Uh… Well, you see…"  
"Ryo!" The boy waves to him, and Ryo gives a half–hearted nod in reply. The teen smiles, rows of pearl–white teeth glinting in the fluorescent light. "Hey, doncha remember me?"  
"Uh… I – I might recall you… but… um…"  
"I'm Kajiki!" He strides over to Ryo, who wonders how the heck Kajiki managed to get the harpoon hanging at his side past the school authorities. "Duelist of the Sea!" He takes out the weapon, and Ryo can't help but notice just how sharp it is. He swallows hard.

"Erm… Well, nice to meet you. I'd best be–"  
"Hey, hey!" Kajiki licks his chops, backing Ryo up against the wall. "Come on, I've got you AND my rival's sister, right here!" He leans in close, far too close. "This here? This is gonna be a hostage situation, if you don't get Jounouchi over here, _pronto._"  
There's a collective gasp from their live audience, and Ryo bashes his head against the wall trying to get away from the harpoon…  
And then, a goofy smile. "Hey, you reckon I _meant_ it? Nah. I've just been waiting for you two, that's all."  
The teen nearly collapses on top of Shizuka when Kajiki jerks his harpoon away from his neck, even as the fisherman surveys the room with a scowl. "OUT, or you're all fish–food!"

He waits until everyone has left, then turns to Ryo and Shizuka. "Y'see, I could use your help. I found out this mornin' that Jounouchi went here – actually, he beat me in a duel." A crafty smile, but it was still brilliant nonetheless. "So… I'd kinda like to embarrass him."  
Sensing an awful idea that might involve him, Ryo edged towards the doorway. "Uh… no tha–."  
"Oh no you don't!"  
WHAM!  
Something hard drove through Ryo's collar, and he suddenly found himself pinned to the noticeboard by the harpoon. Kajiki laughed, a laugh full of the joy of the hunt. "See, you can't just _leave. _You've got to _listen_ to me first…"

Ryo found that it was surprisingly easy to navigate the corridors of the school – perhaps because he, just like Kajiki, was shirtless, his school jacket open to expose his pale chest. When people saw him, they would either get out of his way faster than he thought possible, or they would stagger to the side ,lean against the wall, and promptly faint dead away. Shizuka walked in between them, an arm around each of her 'boyfriends'. Ryo didn't like doing this – but every time he tried to cover himself, Kajiki would glare murder at him from across the corridor. Immediately, the pale teen would suddenly have an inexplicable urge to stop fiddling with his buttons, stare straight ahead, smile, and keep on walking.  
"Almost there", Shizuka murmured, and Ryo smiled a little more genuinely as he saw the shaggy blonde head for himself, just a few seconds later.

"Yo! Jou!" Kajiki waved to Jounouchi – Shizuka's brother – who was sitting at a table with his friends… and Ryo noticed that every person within a ten metre radius of the two groups suddenly decided that they had something very important to do, and it was very far away from their current location.  
"Kaji–"

He stopped, mouth agape. Kajiki waved again – as if Jounouchi needed that to see him – and called out once again: "Hey, guess who I scored?"  
Jounouchi stood, slowly, jerkily. "Kajiki…"  
The fisherman pranced in front of him, yelling it out for all he was worth: "One beeeaaauuutifulll young lady! And one haaaaaandsome maaaaan!" He threw both arms around the other two, squeezing them tight in a bear hug – the sort that Ryo had always feared might kill him.  
"But don't worry, we're _just friends!_" He let us go, gazing at Jounouchi, every muscle tense.  
"My… my SISTER. My _friends…_" The blonde advanced on the trio, his eyes narrowing in pure anger. With a gulp, Ryo began to shake, holding the red–haired girl close without realizing what he was doing. Jounouchi stopped, only a few metres away from his tormentor now…  
"Kajiki, she's _mine_."  
The dark–haired teen laughed. "Aw, I dunno. I mean, she's _yours? _Isn't that _incest?_"

There was a roar and a crash as Jounouchi leapt for Kajiki, eyes full of hate – only to trip over a chair leg and fall flat on his face. The fisherman laughed long and loud, even as he hustled his two charges down the corridor. "You'll never live THAT one down, mate!"  
"Oh, we'll see about that!", Jounouchi howled back.

Somehow, Ryo didn't think that the war between the two of them was _quite_ over yet…


	25. Bananashipping (Marik X Honda)

**Bananashipping **(Hiroto Honda x Malik Ishtar)  
Question: What _exactly _ do bananas have to do with this ship?  
Answer: According to WikiFic, _"Bananashipping is possibly named because the shape of Hiroto Honda's hair combined with the color of Malik Ishtar's hair would loosely create the sense of a banana._"

…Well done, guys. Seriously,_ well done._ You nearly made me choke on my laughter.*slow clap*

And by the way, this list says "Malik", and I'm certain that they mean Marik Ishtar, the Egyptian antagonist of the first half of Battle City, the one who's one half of Thiefshipping. But the thing is, I've seen fanfics where Yami Marik is Marik, and Marik is Malik. It confuses me beyond belief, because I honestly don't see where those names come from. Could anyone enlighten me?

_Flaws of the pairing: _If the name hasn't betrayed it already, this is one of those ships where someone went "Hey, what about Honda X Marik?" , and everyone else went "LOL ZOMG, that would be _hilarious_, let's call it something stupid and make it official, yay!" Personally, I would have chosen "Bikeshipping", as both characters seem to have a weird fascination with motorbikes… Anyway.

It should be fairly obvious that this ship has absolutely nothing for it in canon. Marik–controlled slaves attacked Honda during Battle City, and Marik also nearly destroyed two of Honda's buddies (Jounouchi and Yugi). Honda definitely dislikes Marik during Battle City, although he did *presumably* forgive him for his actions afterwards. In addition, Honda's chasing after Shizuka/Serenity... Do you_ really_ think that he's going to be interested in the show's antagonist?

Speaking of Mr. Evil, Marik is not likely to be interested in Honda. I mean, he's completely obsessive over Yugi – he's VERY unlikely to notice Honda! We also have some serious personality flaws – Marik's very domineering, very controlling, and he likes people who can keep his interest. Faced with patient, easy going, plain ol' Honda… uh… it's a very marked contrast. They could probably get on somewhat after Battle City, but a love affair?  
Um… Well, not without some serious canon defilement! *cue psycho grin*

**Warnings:** Clean.  
**Time Period:** Battle City – to be precise, it's when Honda was wandering the back alleys, looking for Serenity.  
**Names:**  
Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor = Honda  
Marik Ishtar/Malik Ishtar = Marik

_Hiroto Honda…  
Another of Yugi's little friends._

I smirk as I cruise down the alleyway, the motorbike's dull roar filling my ears. I will have this one for myself – not as any part of the plan, but just to spite Yugi.  
_Yes… He will be left friendless… All alone… and then…  
_  
**BANG!  
**  
"Damn it!" With a growl, I just manage to bring my motorbike to a grinding halt, leaping off it to survey the damage. There's fluid leaking out of five perfect holes in the undercarriage, and I wince.  
_Bakura. I should have known not to trust that guy…_

I stare at the puddle collecting under the bike hopelessly. I'm not going to be able to ride anymore, that's for sure.  
_Well, I'll just have to go on foot… I WILL get Honda.  
Whether he likes it or not, I'll still–  
_  
A heavy hand falls on my shoulder. "Hey, need some help?" I blink, looking up at the brunette with the ridiculously pointy hairstyle. He seemed friendly enough, but you could never tell with these things.  
"Uh… yeah. You wouldn't happen to know someone named 'Hiroto Honda', would ya?"

The resulting smile… Ra, I'd never seen a smile like that in my life. It was warm and genuine, accompanied with a cheeky salute.  
"At your service."  
I was so entranced by that smile, and those eyes – oh my Ra, those _eyes_, the sort that caught and held you close – that I forgot myself for a moment.  
"Oh! Uh, good…" I stared a while longer, my jaw hanging open. He raised one perfect eyebrow in response, and I couldn't help but admire the way it arched.  
"Got a problem?"I shook my head, trying to banish my feelings from my mind.  
"Um… no… I mean… yes, but still no. Yeah, I mean no. Nada. Nope. No banana."  
He sighed, raising those beautiful brown eyes of his to the sky. "Right. Now, what did you want?"  
"_You._"  
"I'm sorry?"  
I flashed him what I felt to be a most seductive smile, and was surprised when he backed away. "I want _you._ And with the power of Millennium Rod, you will be–"  
"RightI'mouttaherekthxbyeeeeeeee!"

"…Well, _that_ was anticlimactic…"


	26. Bandageshipping(Y BakuraX Ryou XShizuka)

**Bandageshipping (Yami no Bakura x Ryou x Shizuka)**

One, Happy Halloween, everyone!

Two - interestingly enough, this one isn't named because all three of them have worn bandages at some point:

_"Bandageshipping is so named because if the three of them were involved in a relationship, due to the violent nature of Dark Bakura, it would be likely that Ryo Bakura and Shizuka Kawai would have to bandage each other."_  
_  
__Flaws of the shipping: _Well, at least it's got a sensible name this time (see: Bananashipping). I guess it's unfortunate then, that just about everything _else_ with this pairing makes very little sense. I mean, we're talking about a ship with:  
(a) One of _the_ most psychopathic, downright evil characters in all of Yu–Gi–Oh history,  
(b) His gentle host, who cannot seem to stay conscious during a Yami Bakura possession moment, and both fears and dislikes the spirit, and  
(c) A girl who neither Yami Bakura nor Ryo know particularly well, and is also the secondary protagonist's _sister_. _  
_  
Yeah…

I don't have very much to say about this one. It could work as a really angst heavy situation – Shizuka's in love with Ryo, so Yami Bakura attacks her for getting too close. But then again, Shizuka's rather shy, so it's unlikely that she'd advance on Ryo like that. Ryo is not quite as shy as Shizuka, but he's still very much non–confident, and doesn't like getting close to people at all. Yami Bakura is VERY unlikely to fall in love with either of them – remember that he considers Ryo a pawn, and has expressed intense dislike towards just about everyone in the series.

**Warnings:** Quite serious - it's a Halloween-y sort of fic.  
**Time Period:** In between Duelist Kingdom and DDM.  
**Names:**

Ryou Bakura = Ryou  
Yami Bakura = Bakura (sometimes Yami Bakura)  
Shizuka Kawaii/Serenity Wheeler = Shizuka  
Yami Yugi/Yami = Yami Yugi  
Seto Kaiba = Kaiba  
Ryuuji Otogi/Duke Devlin = Otogi  
Katsuuya Jonouchi/Joey Wheeler = Jounouchi  
Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor = Honda  
Anzu Mazaki/Tea Gardener = Anzu

Note:  
"I'm Ryou Bakura!"  
_"I'm Yami Bakura, having taken over the body of my host!"__  
__And here I am again, communicating with my host through the Ring!_  
"Just like I did in the manga, I (Ryou) usually mutter to myself to talk back to Yami Bakura…"_  
_  
_"Let me get this straight – you're going to the ball? With HER?"__  
_My mouth speaks the words without my command to do so, and I clap one hand over my mouth to prevent it from saying anything else. Inside my head, the spirit laughs, then continues:  
_You can't do that! I hate her stupid brother!__  
_"D–don't insult my fri–"  
_Why shouldn't I, Ryou – or is that R–R–Ryou?__  
_My temper flares. "She _asked_ me!"  
_Only to please her brother!__  
_"I'm _going!_"  
The spikes of the Millennium Ring stab into my chest, trying to reopen the old scars it game me last year. _Not if I have anything to do with it!  
_

On and on the argument went – it was always exactly the same thing, every time. Things got to the point where I felt like we'd both been trapped in an endless loop of ball–related arguments – but time didn't wait for either of us. It passed, and soon the big day came, the day when I stood, fidgeting in front of the mirror…

_You just had to choose the white suit, didn't you?__  
_"It goes with my hair", I muttered, attempting to brush it to a reasonable degree of flatness.  
Yami Bakura snorted with disgust. _You look like a pansy.__  
_"Still better than that vampire costume you wanted me to wear!", I shot back.  
_That had TASTE, at least. It was stylish.__  
_"For the last time, I want to look _normal_ tonight!"  
_But… Why white? Why did it have to be white?__  
_"W–why not?"  
_It… isn't very suitable. Crimson would have been better. _I blinked in surprise, and Bakura sniggered. _After all, crimson would have hidden the blood._  
"B–blood?!"  
_One word: Shizuka._  
"N–no…" I made a snap decision: I was _not_, under any circumstances, going to the ball tonight.  
_Oh? No… I've changed my mind. _Bakura's smile was savage – I could just imagine him licking his chops. A second later, I felt him rise inside me – and began to lick my chops. _"We're going tonight. And it's going to be FUN."__  
_I could feel the Ring growing hot against my chest, and the spikes stabbing into my chest like red–hot needles, again and again, until I keeled over in pain. "Auugh…"  
"_Oh, what fun Shizuka and I are going to have! And you're going to watch all of it..._"Bakura laughed, his presence now working its way into my limbs, my own face twisting into something sinister as I watched, unable to fight back. He smiled at my – no, his – reflection, and adjusted his bow tie ever so slightly.  
_"This is going to be the horror of a lifetime… My treat, of course."_

*******  
Yami Yugi groaned as he looked at the remains of what should have been the experience of a lifetime - he'd never had to Mind Crush so many people in one day. First, Kaiba had drunk a spiked drink, decided that he was a dragon, and attempted to jump out of the two-storey building's window. Yami Yugi had Mind Crushed him, of course - but then Honda had nearly throttled Ryo, then Otogi had nearly throttled Ryo, then Ryo had turned out to be Yami Bakura and had destroyed the building, snatched Shizuka, and run away. Yami Yugi had then had to pacify Jonouchi, in order to stop the blonde from punching him in the head, and _then_ he'd had to hunt down and Mind Crush Yami Bakura, and then Mind Crush Shizuka to stop her from screaming... And then Kaiba had woken up, and still thinking he was a dragon, he had burned the building to the ground. Yami Yugi's possible date with Anzu had been completely, utterly, ruined.

One thought lingered in the boy's mind, as he returned home, to the tune of fire engines wailing in the distance. It was a rather un-pharaoh like thought, the sort of thing that a little kid might come out with:  
_That Ring spirit... is a total jerk._


	27. Barbecueshipping (Honda X Ryouta Kajiki)

**Quick reminder: All replies to Guest Reviews are on the chapter the review was posted on. You can reply to me by posting more reviews on that chapter, and I can reply to you by putting my replies on the chapter itself. I'll agree that it's a pretty messy system, but there's not much I can do about it…**

**Barbecueshipping **(Hiroto Honda x Ryouta Kajiki)  
So named for the barbecued fish that Ryouta prepared, which Honda attempted to eat during Duelist Kingdom; no I'm not even kidding.

_Flaws of the pairing:_ What, _another_ Honda ship?! I've gone through this list alphabetically and come out with… what, one Yugi pairing (the other one was a RQ to go first, so it doesn't really count…) – and SIX Honda pairings. Wha…?

Okay, the flaws of this one should be fairly obvious. Besides the usual "they've never really met" thing, and the fact that Honda's been shown to have been in love with two girls (Miho and Shizuka), I mean. The very name of this ship is itself a glaring flaw – is Ryouta going to like someone who's taken his precious barbecued fish, do you think?

Nope, he isn't, and that's all I really have to say about it.

Enjoy.

**Warnings:** Someone gets punched, and Kajiki's a little OOC (more aggressive).It's also pretty short.  
**Time:** Duelist Kingdom, shortly after Kajiki's duel with Yugi.  
**Names:**  
Katsuya Jounouchi/Joey Wheeler = Jounouchi  
Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor = Honda  
Mako Tsunami/ Ryouta Kajiki = Kajiki

The fish thieves fled, their bellies full of stolen food._My_ stolen food… I might have gone after them, if it hadn't been for the spiky–haired teen guarding them. He'd fended me off when I'd tried to capture him, and I didn't want to try challenging him again – I needed to be careful, or I'd lose all my Star Chips.__

Mind you… This wasn't over yet, that was for sure. I still had a few Star Chips left, and I had my harpoon. That was all I needed to stay on the island and eat – for now, I was safe.

I considered their weaknesses. They were very strong, however their strength came from their numbers.  
_Yes.  
_Their strength came from their unity, the way they worked together as a pack. If I could split off just _one_ of them, I could potentially break the group up, and hunt them down. Take their Star Chips as payment.

Double points if I managed to do it in the dark.

_Now… If I remember rightly, only the blonde and the midget actually had Duel Disks. The midget could take me, but… The blonde didn't look so professional.  
Sucker.  
_I rubbed my hands together in anticipation, a plan already forming in my head. A perfect plan, one with no weaknesses, one that took every tiny factor into account…  
_Heh… We'll see who laughs last._

The blonde tramped through the undergrowth, his best friend at his side. "So, Honda. Can'ya _believe_ dat we ended up on dishes duty?" (1)  
The brunette with the ridiculous spike of hair shrugged, carrying a stack of plates plate to the river. "Come on, Jounouchi. It's not that bad."  
There was a grumbling from Jonouchi: "I bet it's freezing, ya fibber."

_Now!_  
The muscles in my arm tensed – and as soon as Honda stood from washing a plate–  
**WHAM!**  
Now the brunette was neatly pinned by his stiff hair to a nearby tree. I whistled as I stepped into view, pulling out the harpoon, then tossing a few coils of rope around him to hold him still. The harpoon had been tipped with a powerful sedative, and Tristan was already succumbing to it; his eyes fluttered closed.

"So, Jounouchi. How'd you like to play a game?"  
He looked at me in disgust. "How about not?"  
"At least try _this_ game. Really fun, I promise." The whole time, I was bundling Honda into my net, but Jounouchi either didn't notice or was too focused of me to care. As I'd predicted, he sat down.  
"Wotsit called?"  
"It's called Tag, and you're it!"  
I grinned, and grabbed the net – then ran like heck.  
"Winner keeps Honda!"

It took a while, but eventually I was able to successfully evade Jounouchi. I was hiding in a tree, Honda's body flopped over a branch.  
_Good. And now…_  
"Wha? Where…"  
I heard the mumbling, and swiftly let Honda out of the bag. "Hey, it's okay."  
He stared at me uncomprehendingly. "Wh–what's going on?  
I smiled at him, quite genuinely. "Jounouchi lost a game. That means that you're my slave."  
"_WHAT?!_"  
I shrugged. "Like I said, he lost. Now, slave! I want you to do my toenails. And then you can help me get some fish. And then–"  
**WHAM!**  
His fist moved so unexpectedly that I was unable to dodge. With a growl, the brunette hit me square in the chest, sending me flying out of the tree… and straight on top of his sleeping friend.  
Jounouchi woke. "Hey, whad de– _YOU!_"  
And so it was for the second time that night that I was running for my life.  
_When I get away from this guy, I am going home.  
On the boat.  
Pronto._

Notes:  
1. Happened the night Mai Kujaku camped with Yugi and co.


	28. Barshipping (Keith X Jou X Honda X Yugi)

**Barrenshipping** was removed, since Cadeline's pretty much an anime only character. I've also removed all other ships involving Cyndia… yeah, all four of them.  
So… We're onto **Barshipping **(Keith x Katsuya x Hiroto x Yuugi). And not even Seventh Star knows how it got the name… Any guesses here?

'Two fangirls walk into a bar, get utterly drunk, and come up with this shipping…'

_Flaws of the pairi…tria… uh, tetrangle?Rectangle?Square? … Anyway, here's the flaws: _Uh… Look, I can see where Joey X Tristan could come from. I can see where Yugi X Joey could come from. Maybe not… all three of them at once… but I guess it could happen. Unlikely, but at least they all know each other and are good friends.

Where it gets messy is where Keith gets involved. Keith shows nothing but disrespect for Joey – which makes all three of the others hate him. He was responsible for trapping them in the caves during DK, and repeatedly used foul play to try and win. If you've read Yu-Gi-Oh R, you'll know that his absolute hatred for Joey in particular didn't decrease in the least in the years following his death – and Joey dislikes him with a passion in return.

Here's some specifics for Keith with each other character involved:

**Joey: **Keith is the bane of Joey's existence – he's the opposite to Joey in every way. Even Pegasus noted in the manga that their duel "truly is a battle between light and darkness" – showing how different they are.

**Yugi:** Yugi has _very_ little respect for Keith, especially with Keith insulting Joey every three seconds and cheating. Yugi is honest, very honest, and he will _not_ take well to Keith cheating.

**Tristan:** They don't know each other that well, but again Keith is generally disrespectful. Tristan's a member of the 'cheer squad' most of the time… and Keith doesn't like cheer squads. At all.

And on a far more basic level, _how the heck does a four way even work?!_ Look, I can how a one-way (terminology?) would work (Moneyshipping). I can see a two-way (most ships) working. A three way… Well, I would normally see it as a love triangle… but I've seen people using it in other ways with certain ships (ie Kickshipping). But a _four _way?

Still, I suppose I should save that rant for later. After all, a four way in the YGO fandom isn't too bad… relatively know why? Well, you just wait 'til we get to some of the _really _weird ones. Like Yuumeishipping (a **six** way). And Sennenshipping (a **seven **way with a bunch of _inanimate objects_).And that one pairing with Yami Bakura and Zorc. And Bronzeshipping, and Kaiba screwing the rules quite literally.

…Oh, you just _wait._

**Warnings: **VERY suggestive language (thanks, Keith!), more adult than the other one–shots here.  
**Time Period: **Another Duelist Kingdom one, again set the night before the final duels begin.  
**Names:**  
'Bandit' Keith Howard = 'Bandit' Keith Howard, of course! But most call him Keith…  
Katsuya Jounouchi/Joey Wheeler = Joey  
Hiroto Honda/Tristan Taylor = Tristan  
Yugi Moto/Yuugi Moto = Yugi

The teenager lounges in his chair, trying to look cool. It's all the older man can do not to laugh in his face.  
"Whaddaya want, Keith?" The boy's drawl carries a heavy American accent, an accent almost as heavy as the other man's own.

The older man takes a long swig from the beer bottle in one hand, but says nothing. Blue eyes flicker behind the shades and scan the room. They take in everything – the rucksack lying abandoned in a corner, the deck of cards on the antique desk – before shifting their focus back to the blonde. They look him up and down, search his faded green jacket, tight jeans…

Bandit Keith smirks a little, watching the teen squirm. It feels good to do this. To make someone feel discomfort in the comforts of his own room…

He remembered knocking politely on the teen's door, just like a good little duelist. It was a surprise that he'd been let in, but all the same…  
"Keith-"  
The sudden sound in the silence jerks Keith out of his trance, and he snaps instantly. "Yeah, I know. Dorky wanna know what I'm asking, huh?"  
"_Dorky?!_"  
Keith leans in close. "Look. I'm offering you everything. Money, cash, whatever. Big green notes. Lots of them if you'll lose that duel for me." He's got no intention of doing that, of course. The idiot in front of him is hopefully gullible enough to accep-

"No. Not doing it. " The blonde stands, and Keith feels a stab of desperation.  
"Joey-!" The teen looks at him, and Keith thanks whatever god's out there for looks not being able to kill in real life. Those honey eyes blaze with a whole new level of defiance – a defiance which nibbles on his nerves, urges Keith to try and crush it…  
The blonde's voice is unusually harsh, brittle. "No. I said no, and I meant-"  
"Whaddabout Yugi?" The question is well timed, sudden – it throws Joey off guard. He hesitates – and in one master stroke, Keith delivers the finishing strike. "What if he was my slave?"  
"Your_what?_"  
The American chuckles, casually allowing the door to creak open. "This is why he shouldn't gamble. Tristan, too." He looks at the duo standing in the doorway and scowls. "Say it, midget!"  
The once-proud boy with the tri-coloured hair hangs his head, and Joey can't help but notice that his Puzzle's been taken away, replaced with a string of pearls. "I… I look damn good in a tutu." Keith nods approval, turning to the brunette with the point of hair so thick that it could have been used as a chisel… wearing the kitty ears and not much else.  
"And you? Whaddaya have to say for yourself?"  
The teen sighs. "Meow?"  
"More feeling, slave!"  
"_Meow!_"

Keith laughs, and turns to Joey. "So, what would you like to see? Yugi here could perform a few dance moves. Or Tristan could give you a kis-"  
Joey fumes."Hell no!"  
"Oh? Would you rather just get right into it with those two?" Keith leers. "I could make them strip. And then-"  
"They're not wearing muc-" The blonde chokes on his words, then splutters. "G-give them back!"  
Keith leans in close. "No. Not unless you forfeit."  
"But… But…"  
"Or wouldja ratha have me prove right here, right now, that you're gay for both of them?"

Strangled noises from the other two, and Keith lashes out – one boot connecting with the smaller boy's shin.  
"Agh!"  
"No whining!", Keith snarls. "I'd bash your dumb liddle face in, too, if it wasn't for the fact that right now, you're valuable bargaining material!"  
Joey stands. "I'll… I'll ask you one last time. Give. Them. Back."  
A dead silence… then Keith bursts into howls of laughter. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What, they were _yours?_" He moves closer. "What'd you do with them, huh? Eyed up Anzu together? Or maybe…" One hand flickers across the teens neck. "Maybe you just forgot about Anzu, and kissed each other! Huh? Huh?"  
"We're just friend-"  
"Exactly the sort of thing someone in lurrve would say. So, who's it gonna be?"  
"E…eh?"  
"Well? When you rescue them and all that, who you gonna do first? Or… maybe you can't wait for that." Keith waves a hand dismissively. "Well, go on. I give you permission to do my slaves as many times as you like."  
"Uhh…EYYYAAAAAAAH!"

And that's when Joey Wheeler wakes up in his bed, a mixture of sweat and tears pouring down his cheeks. "N-no…" The blonde curls in a ball, terrified by the horrible nightmare.  
_No… no way… awful… no… help…_

Little does he know that somewhere in the deepest, darkest recesses of the Internet… someone believes that it could have happened. And they want it to happen.  
And soon, they'll find him, and with keyboard and mouse… _make_ it happen.


	29. Batteryshipping(Jou X Yami Bakura X Ryo)

**Batteryshipping** (Katsuya Jounouchi x Yami no Bakura x Ryou)

Named because they would mostly fight throughout the relationship.

_Flaws of the triangle/three–way/whatever:_ Even the NAME acknowledges this – all three of them are going to fight. Ryo will constantly push Jounouchi away from him, not wanting Yami Bakura to attack Jounouchi. This only makes Jounouchi more determined to find out what's wrong, and Ryo only more determined not to let him get close. Ryo hates Yami Bakura so much that he would literally break his own soul to knock Yami Bakura out (as seen in Monster World), and of course Jounouchi doesn't like Yami Bakura either.

Come on – on a more basic level, you are trying to ship a five–thousand year old evil spirit with his unwilling host, and then both of them with the secondary Protagonist.  
…It's not gonna have happy endings with everyone IC, is it?

**Warnings: **OH NO, IT'S A CHILDREN'S CARD GAAAAME!  
And aside from that, absolutely nothing.  
**  
Time Period:** After Monster World, before Duelist Kingdom.**  
Names:** Katsuya Jounouchi/Joey Wheeler = Katsuya Jounouchi  
Bakura Ryo/Ryo Bakura = Ryo Bakura. It's unusual that I'll only use someone's dub name, however I became too used to using it when writing and reading fanfiction – plus, it's easier to differentiate between "Ryo" and "Bakura" than it is to differentiate between "Bakura" and "Bakura" (I'd constantly have to call one of them "Yami Bakura" to avoid confusion)  
Yami Bakura = Bakura

"Ryo!"  
The slim, white haired boy barely gets a chance to react – the bigger teen's on him in seconds, nearly knocking him over. "You've gotta _duel_ me!"  
"But, Jounouchi–"  
"You still gotta! I challenge you!"

Moments later, the poor kid's sitting at a table with his noisy friend. "So… You got a deck?"  
"Yeah…" The quiet boy smiles and nods, placing his deck on the table. (1) "It's… it's an occult deck…"  
"Hah! No match for strong warriors like mine!" Jounouchi is Ryo's opposite in every way possible – strong and muscled where Ryo's slim and delicate, loud and brash when Ryo's silent, confident and outgoing when Ryo would quite frankly like to stay away from the whole world in general.  
But Ryo has a reason why this is…

_Put me on._ The Ring spirit's calling to him again, and he finds it too hard to resist.  
"Q–quiet…"  
Jounouchi frowns. "I'm sorry?"  
"Erm… N–nothing!"  
_I've got to be careful…_ Jounouchi knows Ryo's darkest secret, after all. He knows all about the evil spirit that took his friend over.  
What he _doesn't_ know is that said spirit's not gone yet.  
_That's right. And I'm gonna be around for a long, long time…  
_Ryo's shaking now. _  
Go on. Put it on. _

Jounouchi plays another card, and now Ryo's in a very bad situation – both in game and in real life. He can feel the thing surging under his skin, wanting, _calling…_  
_I can turn this whole situation around.  
_A shake of the head.  
_The other kids… They're laughing at you…  
_Ryo can see them – he's seen them right from the start, he's sure of it. They're cheering on Jounouchi, and ridiculing him.  
_I can salvage your dignity. Don't go down like this!  
_He swallows, nervous.  
_Just… put it on, and it'll all be fine…_

Under the table, the teen's hand goes to his jacket pocket. Slender fingers curl around the loop of cord, tug it loose.  
_Yes… Yes!  
_His other hand knocks a few cards off the table. Jounouchi bends to grab them… and in one smooth movement, Ryo's slipped the cord over his neck.  
He twitches, and then… just wasn't there anymore.

The one they call Yami Bakura – Ryo possessed by the Ring – grins, watching Jounouchi pick up the cards. _"I get the feeling my luck's changed."_  
The blonde sits up with a start at the sound of that different voice… then groans. "You."

Yami Bakura smirks at the empty space behind Jounouchi. It had been so simple to influence Ryo's thoughts in his current state. So easy to make him see those people.  
So… _addictive._ He wants to do it again, and again, and again…  
_"Let's continue the game, shall we?"_  
"I haven't got a chance, ya brute!"  
An evil laugh, one that cracks the air like a whip. _"You're not meant to have a chance."  
_"B–but!"  
Yami Bakura smiles at him. _"My host was just going easy on you. He didn't want to hurt your feelings… but it's too late for that now, isn't it?"  
_"Uh–"  
_"When this duel's over, your soul's going to be MINE." _He leers. _"Until dearest Ryo works it out and decides to return you, you're going to be stuck in the Shadow Realm… with me."  
_The scream of outright horror says pretty much all there is to say about this:  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
Notes:  
1. Anime!Ryo presumably built his DK deck himself – he knows how to play. Manga!Ryo built his Battle City deck himself, and lectured whoever was dueling from the sidelines in DK. Though he himself is never actually shown dueling, it can be safely assumed that he (a) knew how to and (b) would have been building his first deck somewhere around this point.


	30. Battleshipping (Yugi X Kaiba X Joey)

**Please note that my computer is being taken apart over the next week - I'm not sure as to how much Internet access I'll be able to get, and thus whether I'll be able to post fics or not.**

**Battleshipping** (Seto x Katsuya x Yuugi) – as the wise Overshadowed Medallion suggested, I'll be tackling a 'normal list' pairing every five RQs, or I'll never get through the proper alphabetical list. This would be hilarious, yes, but also a little bit sad. I'll make a couple of special exceptions for this rule (you think my one-hundredth one-shot will be a shipping, RQed or otherwise? Think again!)

In other news, I realized that the current system makes the recent additions harder to find, so from now on the most recent addition to the list will be marked with a 'NEW', and placed at the end of the list for easy access.

_Flaws of the triangle/three–way/whatever: _Well, at least the name makes sense – Yugi's arguably dueled with both of the other two, who have also fought each other. That's actually pretty unusual, considering that Yugi was never seen much in the duel sequences – however, he has taken over during both Kaiba and MarikPossessed!Jounouchi's duels, and has been shown in the manga three times informally dueling Jounouchi (once at the start of DK, once at the start of the first Kaiba arc, and once after the Duke Devlin Incident *aka DDM*)

Pity nothing else about this one makes much sense. Puppyshipping made little sense already, without someone throwing Yugi in there. Now you don't just have the ruthless CEO and the honest idiot who hates the big boss's guts, you've got the idiot's somewhat wimpy best friend thrown in for the lulz.

Oh yeah, and the CEO absolutely hates the somewhat wimpy best friend. Have I made my point clear about this ship?

Why… _why…_

**Warnings:** A fair bit of fourth wall breakage, and a few stabs at romance fanfics (which I have nothing against – I recently had to read a whole heap of them for this fanfic contest where most people write serious stuff *and contestants also judge*, then wrote this shortly afterwards, XDD) – but other than that, none.

**Time Period:** Battle City, just after the Battle Royale.

**Names: **Seto Kaiba/Kaiba Seto = Seto Kaiba  
Yugi Moto/Yuugi Motou= Yugi Moto  
Joey Wheeler/Katsuya Jounouchi = Joey Wheeler  
Yami Marik/Mariku = Yami Marik

"THE MATCHUPS HAVE BEEN DECIDED! FIRST, JOEY WHEELER VERSUS YAMI MARIK! SECOND, YUGI MOTO VERSUS SETO KAIBA!"

"SQUEEEE!" go the hordes of fangirls, and no–one cares. It's a curious thing; when a fictional character begins to gain fangirls they are often proud. But when they have as many fangirls as the cast of _Yu–Gi–Oh!_, and they've all experienced the twin terrors of hate mail and fan f**ick**… well, they're somewhat less likely to want to wave to their fans.

Anyway, so the blonde – because all male blondes are impulsive in shonen anime – turns away from the card game, and hollers down at the announcer; "Oi! Keep it down, would ya? Sumofus 'ere are try'n ta–"

"Duel?" The tall, arrogant brunette looks down on the blonde with a sneer, because he's clearly the anti–hero, and anti–heroes _always_ sneer no matter what. "The battle's over already, Wheeler. He's just announcing the next round."

"Doncha come at me like that, Kaiba! Ah'll whack ya, and then ah swear ah'll–"

Kaiba yawns in his rival's face – which not an easy task, considering that he's forced to lie on his stomach and hang a good deal of his body off the platform just to get to Joey's head height. "Blah blah blah, Wheeler. Newsflash: I'm not listening–"

_Ka–chunk._ Motors whine, and the two of them soar up and up the shaft, Kaiba hastily trying to pull his own head and chest back onto the platform – after all, he _did _commission those "DO NOT HANG BODY PARTS OFF PLATFORM" signs to be painted all over the walls. Joey laughs from below him, watching the CEO slip and slide as they rise higher and higher, their platforms moving towards the next arena above them. Soon, very soon, they'll be dueling their opponents in splendid magnificence, on top of a huge airship with spectacular views of the world in general.

Well, providing no–one's playing a Shadow Game, which generally spoils the scenery somewhat…

**CLUNK.**

An ugly rattling noise; both platforms jolt to a halt. With an undignified yelp, Kaiba falls head–first off his high position, and straight towards Joey. Naturally, this happens in slow motion, everyone's favourite bishie's short hair swishing around his face because fangirl logic. Their eyes meet for a moment, Joey's _honey orbs_ (because it's always orbs) gazing into those _ice shards_,and _oh, how it would feel_ _to mend those shards! Kaiba, you are so broken! I'll be your Puppy_ (with a capital P)_ forever and ever and–_

And contrary to what every fangirl below believes will happen, the blonde simply folds his arms and steps backwards, a slight evil smirk crossing his features. And he thinks: _Revenge is sweet. _

Thus, to the tune of a thousand gasps, Kaiba faceplants at the duelist's sneakered feet with a immensely satisfying _thump. _And he thinks: _Jerk._

There is a long silence, absolute quiet – well, if you don't count the mixed sounds of fangirls dying, and some random struggle happening up above which totally isn't foreshadowing. In a fanfic, it's necessary to have an absolute quiet…

With an effort, the CEO pulls himself upright to face Joey, absolutely seething. Being an anti–hero, he's not hurt – only licensed evil antagonists from the same franchise can actually injure him, and he has to have been given at least six weeks advance notice of butt – kicking first – but that isn't about to stop him from getting _very _angry. Several nerves pulse in his neck, and he snarled in rage as he snatches the blonde by the collar.

"Why, you miserable little–"

"GWAAAAAAHHHHH!"

A certain teen with tri–colour hair, whose image has surely graced the packaging of a thousand thousand products, comes flying spread-eagled down the lift shaft. The other two obviously stare up in horror _awe_, not even bothering to get out of the road because fanfic logic (_Oh, crush me! Please!_). Once again, everything goes into slow motion, and _those crimson eyes pin me to the spot, those ruby red lips, the way the jacket flies back… He can only be an angel, a delicate little angel, and how I wish I could catch him and hold him oh–so–gently in my arms, pressing my lips to his in the hope that some of that scarlet will rub off on my own…_

Kaiba manages to get out a "Eep!" before the screaming kid absolutely flattens the other two with his own momentum, somehow not getting injured because he's the hero, and broken necks don't work on heroes. Evil laughter emanates from high above, and then a voice comes ringing down, fading as its owner rises higher and higher: "Did I get– oooh, a direct hit! Ahaha, twenty points to Team Me! Take that, losers! Oh, and Happy Malfunctioning Lift Day! I'll be waiting up at the arena to kiiillll you…"

And the watching fangirls immediately pen Yami Marik down as the Greatest Douche of All Time.

_Meanwhile, on the platform…_

"Mmfff!"

"Auugh– OW! Watch where yer puttin' dat Duel Disk, Kaiba!" The flailing blonde is roughly shoved aside seconds later, as Seto Kaiba comes up gasping for air, eyes rolling in what could be either pain or ecstasy – it's likely to be the former, but the latter _does _sound fancier. The remaining fangirls collectively decide to take note of Kaiba's ecstasy as possible shipping evidence.

"Watch where you're putting that Duel Disk, Wheeler!"

"Eh?! Ya get yers out of my ribs, and ah'll consider it!"

"Considering where _yours_ is…" Several more fangirls are violently ill at this; others cheer the trio on with a scary amount of enthusiasm.

… And of course, because this is a Spooner fic, the fangirls are bitterly disappointed. Joey casually pulls the Duel Disk back towards him, so it's not poking the CEO in the eye anymore, elbow slamming straight into Yugi's face as he does so. "Okay, okay. Now, gedd your– YUGI, NOOOOOO!"

"Ugh… I'm fine, Joey. Just _fine._" Yugi sits up because he can now (LOGIC!) , blinking as he observes Joey and Kaiba's shocked expressions.

The brunette is the first to speak. In Fandom Land, he says something like "_Oh, Yugi! You're so amazing, I… I can't even find the words to… OMG, MARRY MEEEEE!_", and then Joey agrees with him, and they all go frolicking off into the sunset in a burst of utterly intolerable flowery lovey–dovey language, and Yami Marik dies.

In actuality, he screams "YOU'RE SITTING ON THE EMERGENCY EJECT LEVER, DOLT!"

A slight frown creases the boy's brow, _such an innocent brow, oh how I'd love to– _

"I'm _what?_ You installed an emergency eject system on th-AUUUUUUUGHHHH!"

Rockets light up under the platform, which then goes flying high into the sky in a wonderful show of improbability. The three totally manly teenagers cling to each other in terror, wailing and shrieking out what can only be described as the closest love declarations any of them could make:

"Kaiba, if yer don't leggof me, ah might forgive you a liddle bit. An' Yug'… I–I want you to know dat yer the best friend evar!"

"Kaibaaaaahhh! And, Joey… Y–you're both so kind! I'd love to duel you guys… if we ever get the chahhh– chance!"

"Sirs, I'd like you to know… If we survive this, I'm willing to take that restraining order off both you two! I mean it!"

And twenty seconds later, when the three of them touchdown, covered in ash, before a hysterical Yami Marik:

"You know those restraining orders? I'm filing another two on you guys. Tonight."

"Kaiba, ya bastard! Ah'll never forgive you fer dat!"

"Like I care."

"I don't want to duel you anymore…"

Kaiba grins. "Too bad, _Yug'_. Guess who you've got fighting you this round?"

The boy facepalms. "Oh, maaan…"

And absolutely nothing changed between the three of them after that.


	31. RQ Bronzeshipping (Marik X Yami Marik)

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.  
The second day of the "Twelve Days of Christmas" gives us…**

Bronzeshipping (Yami no Marik x Marik) – Requested to go early, by LiveLoveHope c.  
_  
Flaws of the pairing: _There are many – just so, so many – flaws with this.

First, you cannot even begin to argue that Yami Marik's state is equal to that of Yami Yugi and Yami Bakura. You can't – and egad, I've seen this one so often, it's not even funny. Yami Yugi and Yami Bakura are souls existing within their respective Items – Yami Marik doesn't fall into that category. He's NOT the 'Spirit of the Rod'. It could be possible that the Millennium Rod somehow amplified Marik's pain and hate, which then resulted in Yami Marik, but you know what? Yami Marik, at heart, is Marik's split personality – he's the Hyde to Marik's Jekyll, except neither of them are really as innocent as Jekyll. Unless Marik is possessing someone else (Bakura), he can't talk to Yami Marik at all – this is going to make dating understandably awkward._  
_  
Okay, so let's just pretend that they've *somehow* managed to end up in two bodies. You make them both IC, plonk them in the same room – and you've got another problem. You see, Yami Marik has tried to _kill _Marik, in order to stop him from getting in control of the body. This should pretty much _scream_that, unless the 'x' in 'Yami Marik x Marik' means that one of them died, Bronzeshipping isn't going to work with everyone IC. Yami Marik came very close to killing no less than four people (Rishid, Mai, Jounouchi, Marik) and attempted to kill Yami Bakura. He's quite happy to kill, guys – he's pretty much pure hate, after all. He thrives on pain too, which is why he likes to torture before he kills – do you honestly think he's going to like a happy relationship?

And Marik shows both fear and hate towards Yami Marik. Remember that he likes to pretend Yami Marik away – he blamed the skinning of his father on the Pharaoh, when in actuality it was his own split personality. To suddenly be out of control of his body, and watching this guy just _butcher_everyone… well… he doesn't like it. He's definitely evil – he's tried to kill Yugi, he's possessed Jounouchi and Anzu – but he's not the sort of person who endorses meaningless killing. If you really look at it, he's quite selective – not once does he target Mai in the finals, for instance, while he constantly harasses Yami. To see things spiraling out of control in the hands of Yami Marik… come on, that's gotta scare him somewhat.

"But Spooner, what if one of them got a crush on the other?", the inner fans of this ship are probably screaming at their screens by now. "Love's a really weird thing, you know."

All right, all right – you _did_ask for this, and this question brings me to the third of my scenarios. We make it AU enough so that they can have their bodies, then we make them OOC enough so that one of them can legit fall in love with the other one, they can talk to each other, and no–one will get killed.

Well, congratulations! Our two characters will both be so utterly OOC that they'll be hard to recognize as everyone's favourite antagonists of Battle City. Either that, or the whole thing will be extremely AU (ie Battle City never happened.) – probably both.

Allow me to elaborate on this. As I said in the second of my arguments, Yami Marik is hate itself – which begs the question: If Yami Marik is pure hate, how _can_ he love? I think it could be argued that he's not actually a person (ie a separate soul and mind to Marik) as much he is a very much unbalanced split personality of Marik's, created from pure hatred. He _might_ – emphasis on the 'might' – agree to some really kinky way of torturing Marik, which could qualify as bondage or something. However, it'd be utterly meaningless if he didn't _love_, wouldn't it?

And Marik… well, Marik wants his own body back. He hates Yami Marik, and like most people would be, he's absolutely terrified of him as well. Let's face it – the _last _thing Marik wants is a situation with him and Yami Marik in the same room. HE WANTS HIS BODY BACK, DAMMIT.

Enjoy.

**Warnings:** Not actually AU at all. Warning for horrible portrayal of fangirls, and some pretty suggestive language.****

Time Period: After Battle City, so Marik is pretty much a nice guy. ****

Names: Yugi/Yuugi = Yugi  
Malik/Marik/'Namu' = Marik  
Marik/Yami Marik/Mariku = Yami Marik.

"Okay, Kaiba's got all the equipment set up. Sure you want to do this?"  
Sitting in a chair, on the stage, the Egyptian swallowed hard and nodded. "Can you guys get him to leave me when it's over?"  
"Well… there's a risk that he won't want to go." The kid with the tri–colour hair patted his shoulder. "Look, Marik… If you don't want to, we could always–"  
Marik sighed. "No, Yugi. I need to get this message out there."  
"They won't listen, you know."  
"Yeah. But I'm going to try. This has just gone too far." Marik glanced at the blonde with the camera. "Start recording, guys. Open the video feed, raise the curtain."He looked at his friend. "Tell Kaiba to activate the hologram system."  
Yugi looked like he was about to say something, but just bit his lip and nodded.

oOoOoOo

In Domino City, a crowd had gathered to watch the show – everyone's favourite Egyptian lounging a cushy armchair, on a makeshift stage Kaiba had had built. It wasn't like the CEO to be this generous – Marik suspected that he had lost a bet with Yugi, who had as the winner requested all of this.

"Hi. My name… is Marik Ishtar. And I'm here to give you a very special message about something you guys call Bronzeshipping."  
He smiled a little shyly – and all around the world, the fangirls went wild.  
"You really love him?!"  
"Ooh, I knew it!"  
"You shouldn't! You love my OC!"  
"She looks like a hag! My OC's way better!"  
"Thiefshipping is canon! LK said so!"  
"He was joking!"  
"No he wasn't!"  
"Oh my Ra, look at that smile!"

Marik groaned, clutching his head. He'd never been that good with public speaking, these idiots had it all wrong… It was enough to make a guy really, _really_ frustrated. Ra above, his head hurt.  
"You're so cute!"  
And then, the ultimate insult: "Admit that you'd do Bakura!"  
His head… the pain… and that other mind… He wasn't going to be able to hold out–  
"Aww, you're such a kitty cat!"  
_Snap.  
_  
oOoOoOo

"AHAHAHAHA!", Yami Marik howled, raising his Millennium Rod high. "Let's get killing!"  
The fangirls howled him down instantly. "OMG, you're so _hot!_"  
"Say _what?_", he growled, but he got no further.  
"You're a big softy! I knew it!"  
"You didn't _really_ murder anyone!"  
"You're so lovable!"  
"Ask me for a hug!"  
"No, ask _me!_"  
The psycho looked around in bewilderment, temporarily thrown off guard. "Where am I, and who are these idiots?"  
"I got angry, I guess." Floating beside him. Marik looked over at Yami Marik with barely concealed disgust. "You see? Those are my fans. I put up with this every day."  
"Okay, but why are you still–"  
"I'm not – I'm just a hologram. I uploaded my memories into the KaibaCorp computer."  
"They can _do_ that?"  
"It would seem so."  
"Well… Why'd you do it?"  
"HE LOVES YOU!", all the fangirls yelled, and Marik tried to calm them down.  
"No, no! It was a backup plan, okay?!"  
"Why's he here, then?"  
"You secretly want to kiss him, don't you?"  
"DO IT! DO IT!"  
The last one became a chant that rippled through the crowd, and Marik panicked. "No! He's here, who cares? I just wanted to talk to you guys about Bronzeshipping, and I got angry!"  
"So, you're going to confess?"  
"SQUEEEEEEEE!"  
"Wha– no _way!_No way in hell! I never liked him in the first place!"

"Shut up, or I'll have to massacre you a little bit to _make_ you shut up!",Yami Marik snarled at the crowd – and several girls fainted. "Oooh, massacre _me_, Yamsy!", one particularly nutty fan shrieked.  
The evil side of Marik Ishtar looked hopelessly at the hologram of the sort–of–good side. "They're… they're not even _scared._"  
"NOW KISS!", the fangirls screamed at him.  
"NO!", Yami Marik screamed right back.

Marik sighed. "Look, I wanted to show you guys something–"  
"Oh my Ra, he's going to take off his shirt!"  
"And then do something kinky with Marikunny wunny!"  
"Mari_kunny wunny?!_" After a stunned silence, Yami Marik blinked and growled. "I _am_ Marik, you fanbrats! I'm his hateful side!"  
"Exactly! And we're not in love, okay? I mean, this guy has tried to kill me. Repeatedly."  
"You're wrong!"  
"I think I've got a bit of experience, actually." Marik turned to Yami Marik with a wink. "So, Mister Total Hate, do you love me?"  
"YEEEEESSS!"  
"Hurry up and get laid!"  
"NO! NO! MARIK BELONGS WITH BAKURA!"  
"AND RYO CAN HAVE YAMI MARIK!"  
Marik almost collapsed laughing. "_Ryo?!_ Do you even realize how badly he'd be maimed?"  
"Yaaaay! Angst fics for the win!"  
"He'd be _torn apart!_"  
"How romantic!"

The Egyptian sighed. "Let's get this over with. Do you love me, Yami Marik?"  
"Marik…" Yami Marik looked at Marik, who winked. "Of course! I absolutely hate you! I hate you, every part of you, everything about you, you useless little drip! I hate you so much – I want to get you on a table. And then…" Yami Marik leaned close to Marik's hologram, and the fangirls went wild.  
"OH MY RA, LITTLE KURIBOH REFERENCE!" (1)  
"Bondage!"  
"Kissing!"  
Yami Marik glared at them. "Oh no, this is worse! I want to cut out your intestines, fill them with hydrochloric acid, and shove them down your throat! I want to butcher you, and watch you scream! The only reason that I haven't yet is because it'd kill me!" He laughed. "It'd be beautiful, too! The best thing that ever happened to me!" Now he made a dramatic gesture at Marik "So, die! Go on!"

There was a long, awkward silence, and then –  
The fangirls threatened to surge onto the stage. "We hate _you_!"  
"Get away from our Marik, weirdo!"  
"What'd you do with my Yami–wammy Marikunny wunny?!"  
Yami Marik yawned, twirling his Millennium Rod lazily. "I'm the real deal, actually."  
"No, you're not!"  
Marik sighed. "I can vouch for him. He's the right one, trust me. I mean, he _is_ me."  
"He isn't!"  
"Eh?"  
Yami Marik sighed. ""  
He grinned. "Thanks for the compliment. And now… " The world went very dark.  
"Shadow Game, anyone?"

oOoOoOo

**Notes:  
**1. Little Kuriboh did something like this (only even more kinky) with Marik and Bakura (it was in a deleted scene of Episode 46 – Melvin'd. You can find the video on LK's account, under the title "Deleted Scene – Bakura's True Feelings") . It went like this:

Bakura: _Marik, there's something you need to know... It's about us. Marik, I- I hate you. I hate you with all my heart. I hate you more than I've ever hated anybody. I hate you so much that I can barely take it. In fact, I want to go on hating you for the rest of my life. If our world is destroyed, well, I won't be able to hate you anymore.  
_Marik: _Oh, Bakura! I had no idea you felt that way about me. I–If it makes you feel any better, I hate you too. I think I hated you from the moment I first met you._**  
** Bakura: _In that case Marik, if we win this duel, let us make sweet hatred together. Just you and me, hating each other… all night long.  
_Marik: _Yes!  
_*slight pause*_…Wait a second, are you coming on to me? I already told you Bakura, I'm not gay!  
_Bakura: _You could have fooled me._  
Yami Marik/'Melvin': _And me!  
_  
Blargh. Reads like a bad fanfic...


	32. RQ Cageshipping(YYugi X YBakura X Marik)

**Guest Review: **Hawksfeather: You know, I'm beginning to believe that you will never even get a chance to progress past Batteryshipping in regular order. XD But I sooooo love RQing... Well, I'll leave you alone for now... Wish I could remember my login info...****

Me: This is why I put all my usernames and passwords into a Word document - it's the only way I can remember them!

Anyways, I'm starting to believe that as well. It seems that every time I finish one RQ, I get requests for two more, XDD.****

If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.

**The fifth day of Christmas, and what's this?**

Cageshipping (Yami Bakura x Yami Yugi x Marik) - Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion.

In case you were wondering, the name _doesn't_ come from the fact that you'd need to cage all three of them up stop them from murdering each other, it comes from the idea that '_due to the antagonist nature of Yami Bakura and Marik Ishtar, if they wanted to be involved with Yami Yugi they would possibly have to trap him in a cage._' Oh, Wikific… You are so very hilarious sometimes.

_Flaws of the shipping:_Because Marik and Bakura did get on… sort of… in a Yugi and Kaiba sort of way… well, the flaws aren't quite as obvious as those of Yamishipping. I'll have to write up a few flaws, won't I?

So, one of the primary flaws of this one will to depend on whether the fic takes place after or during Battle City. You see, in the former, Marik will kinda sorta get on with Bakura *they're both planning to kill each other afterwards, so…* and will be hated by Yami – in the latter, the opposite is more likely to be true.

Another flaw is probably that Yami does _not _like Bakura at either point in the timeline. To my knowledge, he's never been shown feeling even neutral to Bakura. Remember that Bakura was marked out as a primary enemy of the Pharaoh, right from his first appearance in Monster World. And yes, Yami's been able to work with someone who loathes him (Kaiba), but has he ever been shown working with someone HE loathes? I seriously doubt he could bring himself to work with Bakura, XDD.

There's always ways to make this one work - one I can see would be to play it as a triangle, with Bakura and Yami competing over Marik. Mind you, Marik wouldn't be able to be as domineering as normal, but if you were to set it after Battle City... Well, it could actually work.

**Warnings:** A fish, kitchen knives, a scrubbing brush, a stab blender, and a sponge.  
…Yeah, pretty much the crackiest scenario I can think of without being AU…**  
Time Period:** Battle City, right after they've all jumped on the blimp and Kaiba's told them all the rules/showed off his wealth.**  
Names:**  
Yami Bakura = Bakura  
'Namu'/Marik/Malik Ishtar = Namu at first, Marik later on.  
Yami Yugi = Yami  
Katsuya Jounouchi/Joey Wheeler = Jounouchi  
Seto Kaiba/Kaiba Seto = Kaiba  
Ryo Bakura = Ryo  
**  
**Standing taller than anyone else, legs akimbo, coattails of utter annihilation billowing out behind him, a huge and conspicuous silver briefcase in one hand, Seto "Awesome" Kaiba, The Dragon Master, Hear his Name and Tremble, All Ladies Faint in His Presence, etc – well, he certainly looked imposing. And he had good reason to look imposing, too – this man was, after all, one of the few people on the planet who could whip out a deck of children's cards, and _not _get sniggered at – he was honestly that badass.

…Unfortunately, the words coming of the great brunette's mouth did little to help his image. Several of the duelists (a thuggish Egyptian man and a slim blonde lady) had already left in boredom, along with all of the non–duelists but Kaiba's entourage. No–one liked Kaiba's speeches, and only his two rivals, along with the two psychopaths in the room, actually stayed.

"Wahaahah! You will all duel on my blimp. Hear me? MY blimp! Heheheh! And it's MY tournament! So MY rules! Gwahahaha! An–"(1)  
**  
**"GROWR!"_  
_  
For a wild moment, every Puppyshipping fangirl reading this probably thought that Jounouchi was deliberately being sexy… but no, that was just the sound of the blonde's stomach. Seto Kaiba glared, and the teen looked down with embarrassment. "Sorry…"

"Sorry? SORRY? That was my best speech ever! And you spoiled it!"

Before Kaiba could protest, a certain "King of Games" stepped forwards, dipping his head to show off his ridiculous tri–coloured hair. "I am sorry, Kaiba. We all need some food, y'see."

The brunette scowled. "Go make it yourself, then. Kitchen's over there."

He pointed at some random door (no author ever bothers describing the position of doors, y'know!), turned on his heel, and strode out of the room, his entourage of small, irritating brother and bulky black–suited bodyguards following.

Which left a pale–skinned teen, a well – tanned, fair–haired Egyptian who'd been trying not to giggle the whole time, the kid with the tri–coloured spikes of hair who'd spoken earlier, and Jounouchi, to stand awkwardly in the middle of the room.

After a long silence, broken only by several more rumbles from the blonde's stomach, the one with the tri–coloured hair sighed. "Jounouchi…"

"Sorry, Yami."

Yami tilted his head. "Why don't you go to your cabin? I'll make you… something."

"Wow, you can cook?"

"If it's a game, sure!", the other teen joked. Jounouchi sniggered, painfully oblivious to the fact that Yami had pretty much said that he couldn't cook.

On the other side of the room, the Egyptian whispered something to the pale, nervous–looking boy, and they approached the other two together.  
With a bow of the head, the Egyptian spoke. "Yami."  
The one with the tri–coloured hair nodded respectfully to him. "Namu." He looked at the pale boy, and grinned. "Ryo!"

The Egyptian's face went oddly blank for a moment, as did Ryo's – then the pale boy returned a shy smile. "I was h–hoping you'd be here, actually. I–I honestly don't know how I made it–"  
"GRRRRR!"

All three of them stared at Jounouchi, who winced. "Sorry. Kinda hungry over here."  
Namu smiled. "Hey, don't worry about it. Head to your room, I'll help Yami here make you and your buddies something." His face went blank, then Ryo spoke again. "I–I can cook as well."  
"Sweet!", Jounouchi grinned, dancing off in the general direction of his cabin.

The Egyptian grinned at Yami. "Well, come on!"

"Uh… well-" As it was, he got no say in the matter – Namu grabbed his arm and pushed him forwards before he could protest.

WHAM!  
…No, no–one got clobbered. That was just the sound of the heavy double doors as they slammed shut behind the trio.

Namu grinned savagely, letting go of Yami's arm and rifling through the knife drawer. "Okay, let's get to work… on _you._"

"Wait, _wha–_"

That was when Ryo rose up behind Yami, locking both arms around the other boy's neck and silently pulling him to the floor, swiftly kicking Yami's legs out from under him as he did so – only he wasn't really Ryo anymore. The golden pendant glittered around the boy's neck, and he now sported a vicious smile as he stood, gazing down at the other teen. "I've been waiting a long time for this, Pharaoh. See, me and my buddy here both want you dead."

"Bakura!", Yami hissed from the floor, and the pale boy just laughed, taking a knife from Namu and raising it high above his head.

"That would be my name, yes."

Bakura allowed himself the pleasure of a snigger as the blade came down, cutting easily through skin, sinking into flesh. A deep crimson liquid spattered everywhere, and Namu backed off as the pale teen continued to hack his chosen victim apart, until at last…

"Ta–da!" Bakura proudly held up the tattered and torn remains of the thing he'd been dissecting – and giggled. "Hey, Marik! What do you reckon?"

The Egyptian groaned as he stared at the fish… or what was left of it, anyway. "You absolutely ruined it!"

"Hmph – no taste whasoever. It's a special cut, understand?"

"But you practically _destroyed _it!"

Yami raised his head from the floor, blinking in surprise at the name. "…Hold on a second! _You're_Marik, Namu?!"

'Namu' giggled. "Yep. And you never knew, until it was too late." He lashed out then with one leg, catching Yami in the side. "Right, so we're gonna give all your friends poisoned food… though I dunno, we don't have any poision. We'll figure it out – you just stay right there. You can taste test."

"Ugh…" The kid lay on the floor, mulling over this new revelation for no real reason.  
_Marik. My nemesis. My… enemy…  
What have I done?!_

Bakura laughed, calmly dicing the fish. "Now, if you'll–"

"Oh, no you don't!", the Egyptian growled. "You're not taking all the easy jobs!"

"Excuse me, but _who _does most of the work around here?", the pale teen snarled back, and they glared daggers at each other – Bakura's hand straying towards a wet sponge, Marik's moving for a scrubbing brush. They stood in a tense silence – and suddenly a pot on the stove boiled over. The white haired boy was the first to react to the hissing; "What the–"

Marik tossed his head indignantly, going over to the pot and delicately stirring it. "Rice."

"But _that's _not how you do sushi rice!", the other teen growled, shoving the Egyptian roughly aside and peering into the pot.

"Because it's not sushi."

"Oh, so exactly what were you planning to make, Wonder Blonde?"

"Something more than a herring carcass, dummy."

"Why, you little–"

Bakura lunged, Millennium Item and sponge flashing in unison – and suddenly Yami stood between them, a hand on each of their chests. "Excuse me, but wouldn't you both agree that I'm a much better cook than either of you two?" He delicately took up the fish. "It should be obvious that when one has a fish like that, one takes out the frying pan."

Bakura balked, Marik sniffed.  
"You never _fry _fish. You obviously boil it with the rice!"

"_Fry _it? Boil it? Both of those are ridiculous! You don't cook fish for goddamn sushi!"

Yami hmphed. "Well, suit yourselves. I'm the one with the fish, you know."

"You little–" With a growl, Bakura flung the sponge at him; but Yami ducked just in time, and the item hit the Egyptian behind in the chest. Quick as lightning, Yami whirled on the pale teen, catching him in the face with the carcass, Marik clonking Bakura over the head with the scrubbing brush shortly afterwards. Yami then turned on the Egyptian, hurling the fish – but Marik was ready; he held the golden Millennium Rod like a cricket bat, and hit the dead thing right back at Yami. Bakura, meanwhile, had raided the fridge – and now he came back with a vengeance and a handful of tomatoes…

Eventually, the three of them rested in a messy, exhausted, bloody heap, their clothes all torn up from when Marik had gotten hold of a stab blender, and slightly smoking from when Yami had attempted to show the other two how to light the grill (actually, the ceiling was still smoldering from that incident, but none of the three were prepared to admit that.).

"…I still think we should make sushi."

Marik tugged his ear. "What was that?!"

"Nothi..."

Bakura's voice trailed off, and he stared open mouthed at whatever was right in front of him. The Egyptian blinked, glanced over – and stared too.

Yami didn't want to look… but he still did anyway, because other wise this plot just wasn't going to work. "Oh no."

Jounouchi stared back, taking in the scene – the smoke, the blood, the mess, the torn clothes. "Uhh… I… EYAAAAAAAAH!"

Marik sighed. "Oh look, another mind I'm gonna have to wipe tonight."

And ten seconds later: "…What?" **  
**  
Notes:  
1. …Yeah. This is actually my general impression of Kaiba, being closer to the bratty 'green hair' Kaiba of the early manga rather than the proud Kaiba of Duelist Kingdom (and by extension, the anime).


	33. RQ Danceshipping (Mai X Anzu)

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

Danceshipping (Anzu X Mai Kujaku) - Requested to go early, by Hawksfeather.

In the words of the RQer, this is going to be 'interesting'. It's the first yuri (both girls) pairing I've ever covered – somewhat fitting, as it was the very first pairing of that type to be revealed on the Shipper's List (it was the third pairing to be revealed, in case you were wondering). The name wasn't that obvious to this English–only speaker, but it's pretty clever – so I think I should explain it a little. Anzu's very interested in dancing, of course, but where Mai fits into it is where you need to know Japanese. You see, "Mai" is a Japanese name meaning "Dance"…  
Anyways, on with the pairing!

_Flaws of the pairing:_Firstly, it's really nice to be covering a pairing that… sort of… makes sense. I mean… it doesn't really work, but it's slightly more logical than the last two I've done, at least. It's not the most popular of pairings, predominantly because (a) it's yuri, and (b) it goes directly against several major pairings (Polarshipping and Peachshipping are two I can think of straight off the top of my head), but at least it's not utter crack.

Secondly, this one's pretty flawed – although the specific flaws depend on where you are in the story.

Initially, Anzu and Mai do not like each other. This happens right from Mai's introduction, in fact; Mai is pretty much seducing Yugi, and Anzu's furious about it. She even later comments that up to the point where Mai shared her food, Anzu believed that Mai was "the most infuriating woman I'd ever met".

Next up is the tent scene, where we realize that Mai's quite happy to play the part of 'Shipper on Deck' – she's pretty much shipping Yugi and Anzu there. That alone should indicate that Mai has no interest in Anzu – she only really wants to cause a bit of drama and/or embarrassment to both parties by shipping them. She's shown to be very manipulative previously, so why should it be any different here? Anzu admits to having a crush on Yugi at this point, so it's pretty unlikely that she'd be in love with Mai. This sort of relationship continues pretty much all the way through Duelist Kingdom – Anzu's neutral towards Mai, who's manipulative towards her in return. In the anime, things were worse between them, which lead to Anzu dueling Mai.

After that comes Battle City, and Anzu gets a bit of respect for Mai… who promptly proceeds to shove everyone away from her, pulling a disappearing act after the end of Battle City. The two mostly stay apart during Battle City – Mai doesn't bother with cheering the others on, and Anzu only shows up to Mai's duel because she shows up to everyone's duels. I doubt that romance between the two of them could really happen at that point – Mai doesn't want it, and Anzu's presumably being controlled by Marik for most of the time Mai's conscious.

**Warnings:** Anzu's dress is fairly provocative (I don't describe anything in real detail, though). There's also quite a catfight between the two.  
**Time Period:** Duelist Kingdom, at the point where they're all still on the boat. I always wondered a little  
**Names:** Mai Kujaku/Mai Valentine = Mai Kujaku  
Anzu Mazaki/Tea Gardener = Anzu Mazaki

The huge boat glided through the night, a heavy chunk of metal floating on water. And on that boat, on the deck… there were conflicts, battles. Some would lead to larger fights, when the boat landed in its destination. Some were an establishing of rank over the other duelists. One was a bizarre attempt to gain a special room – and it _succeeded._

And one was a contrived, carefully planned conflict between two girls.  
This is that story.

A certain blonde duelist had been waiting for Anzu Mazaki to come to her. She had been interested in Yugi's little friend, the one who seemed to have developed a major, major crush on the champion duelist with the tri–colour hair. She'd watched in rapture their dynamic with each other, the way Anzu had always seemed to be… well, _almost _ready to go for her crush.

And now, Mai Kujaku was going to have a little _fun_ with Miss Mazaki. Embarrass her, tease her, maybe play on her nerves a little. And ultimately, _use_her to upset Yugi.

Unfortunately, she didn't count on one thing, something which she hadn't yet picked up on. You see, to the casual eye of Mai, the girl seemed gentle; however, behind that façade of friendliness, there was a very, _very _short temper.

And the blonde was about to trigger it.

The brunette trotted down the corridor – and with perfect timing, Mai lunged from the door of her luxurious room, dragging her in like a trapdoor spider drags a beetle into its burrow. It usually terrified whichever poor girl she'd chosen to torture that night – but to the blonde's surprise, Anzu turned and faced her down.  
"What do _you_want?"

She had pluck, Mai had to admit it. No–one had done that in a very long time. However, the blonde couldn't be thrown off quite that easily – and now she played the first weapon in her arsenal.  
"Admit it… You've got a crush on Yugi, haven't you?"  
The other girl's rather pretty brown eyes narrowed, but she flushed a beautiful shade of red all the same. "W–what would _you_ know?"  
Mai yawned. "Have you asked him yet?"  
"Uh… No, bu–"  
"Jeez, what are you waiting for? Come on!" Before Anzu could recover, the blonde lady had her by the arm, moving her towards the wardrobe in the corner. Slender fingers tugged at the folds of the brunette's shirt.  
"These… No, these simply won't do…"  
"H–hey!"  
A sly wink. "Well, you _do_ want to look half decent when you ask him, right?"  
"Well…" She could see the brunette waver, hesitate – almost consider this most generous offer for a moment – and Mai Kujaku _pounced_.  
"Come on!"

_A great deal of fussing about later…_  
BANG! BANG! BANG!  
"H–huh?" The boy woke with a start, rolling out of bed. He'd never really been asleep – too busy worrying about the coming duels – but he'd drifted into an uneasy sort of doze, and now he'd been shifted out of it. He blinked a few times, yawned–  
BANG! BANG! BANG!  
"Ohhhhhhh, Yuuuuuuuugiiii?" You could _taste _the sickly, sweet, sugary overtones in Mai's voice. And then, a less confident noise.  
"Yugi? Are you in?"  
"A–Anzu?" Yugi yawned, staggering sleepily to the door. He opened it, to find–  
"AAAA–" He clapped one hand over his mouth to prevent the scream from getting any further than a whimper, and Mai grinned broadly at him.  
"Well? What do you think? She wanted to go for something more traditional, but I felt that the leather straps and buckles was _such_ a fitting choice…"  
_It'd be a bit better if she was wearing more than just the straps and buckles, though._  
The boy swallowed hard, trying not to look at Anzu. "Um…"  
The brunette's voice was like poison. "Excuse me."

The door slammed shut – and then, Anzu let loose with her temper. (1)  
"WHAT. WERE. YOU. THINKING?!"  
"Bu–"  
"No. No, no, no, a_ thousand times _NO!"  
A stunned silence from the blonde – understandable enough, since she'd never had _anyone_ react like this to her. The brunette wasn't losing steam, either – no, she came closer, voice rising in volume as she continued:  
"Y–You're _scum_, Mai! You're a cunning, manipulative, lying little SNEAK!"  
Mai shrugged, refusing to show someone like Anzu that she had been intimidated. "It wasn't my fault that Yugi didn't li–"  
The brunette's hand lashed out, catching Mai straight across the cheek. Needless to say, the blonde fumed – but she didn't get a chance to return the action, because suddenly a very angry Anzu was in her face, screaming at her. "You KNEW all along! Don't you lie to me!"  
"I–"  
"LIAR!" Anzu pulled out the prop whip from its holder at her waist, and swung.

A pity, that she had no experience with whips. The tail of the cord snagged Mai, but the recoil from the action pulled her closer to the blonde – and three seconds later, the two of them were hopelessly entangled in a position which left Mai looking like she was hugging Anzu… who was dressed in an outfit which could well have belonged to a prostitute.

Yami heard the yelp and the thump, and took over Yugi's body immediately, charging out into the hallway.

And there was a very long, _very _much awkward silence.

"MIND CRUSH!"

Notes:  
1. If you've only watched the anime, you may not be familiar with why I consider Anzu to have a real temper, especially at this stage. Basically, she was able to snarl down both Bully!Jounouchi and Bully!Honda at once during one angry snap, and on another occasion was able to bully Yugi and Jounouchi into submission. She also didn't take too kindly to Honda and Jounouchi's 'panty tank', and went absolutely mental afterwards. She may well get sweeter later on – but at this point, she's vicious when provoked!


	34. RQ Deathshipping (Yami Marik X Ryo)

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

Oh yeah, and a quick reminder: I reply to Guest Reviews on the chapters they reviewed on. You can reply back by leaving another review.

**Deathshipping **(Yami Marik X Ryo) – requested to go early, by HikariJinx.

Named because – wait for it, this is hilarious – 'if Ryo Bakura were to get into a relationship with Yami Marik, it would likely result in his death'.  
This should say it all, but let's keep going…

_Flaws of the shipping:_ AND MARIK AND BAKURA GO FROLICKING OFF INTO THE SUNSET, HAPPY ENDINGS ALL ROUND.

…Oh, wait. Didn't account for those flipsides. Eh, they can be in love. They've already kissed. At least, their _bodies_ have already done that. Their minds haven't… oh man, this is confusing. Let's just ship them, and call it quits.

Yes, that's right: In case you didn't pick that up, the number one place to find Deathshipping is in a story that also features Thiefshipping. It's very much a case of "This is going to be very, very awkward if Ryo and Dark Marik realize that their other sides have been kissing/worse with each other." Now, I'm sure that not _all_ stories are like that – but the majority of Deathshipping in fanfiction seems to be due to people who write Thiefshipping, and don't want Ryo or Yami Marik to object to everyone's favourite evil Abridged bishies cavorting off with each other.

Baack to the flaws – when you think about it, it's actually a very flawed pairing, that's quite hard to write for with everyone IC (most Yami Marik pairings are this, but that's besides the point). First up, Ryo never did lay eyes on Yami Marik (unless my canon's fudged, correct me if I'm wrong there, but I'm pretty sure he didn't wake up or anything during the Yami Yugi vs Yami Marik fight), and Yami Marik never saw actual Ryo in canon. It's possible that he's been looking out from inside Marik all along, in which case all he sees of Ryo is a weak mind, someone who can't stand up to either Ra or the Rod… and certainly not Yami Marik himself.

Now, if you've been reading any of my other rants concerning Yami Marik pairings, you'll have heard this before, if not then keep reading. This is the core flaw with a Yami Marik pairing – for it to have any hope of working, the other person must be able to stand up to him, and constantly be on their guard lest he attempt to massacre them. And there are very, very few characters who can fit that bill – Ryo is _definitely_ not one of those people. If he can't stand up to Yami Bakura, he has buckleese chance of standing up to Bully Numero One. Yami Marik would probably enjoy flaying Ryo alive, even if it's just for Yami Bakura's insolence…

Oh, and one last thing: Yami Marik is hate itself. Unless he's raping, or doing things just to be spiteful to Marik, or simply killing/torturing in a very kinky way (and he arguably did that to Mai _in canon_), how can he love?

**Warnings:** Yami Marik shipping ahoy! Carries a hint of Thiefshipping, a little bit of violence, and some fairly suggestive stuff. Whilst not explicit, it may be one of the dirtiest things I've written in a while – you've been warned.

**Time Period:** After Battle City, but before the Final Duel.

**Names:** Yami Marik/Mariku = Yami Marik  
Ryo Bakura/Bakura Ryo = Ryo Bakura

Amethyst eyes blinked, blurred visions echoing in the young man's mind. It had been a long time since he had last been let out, controlling instead of simply watching – but Marik had somehow become emotional enough for his other side to finally break free. The one known to most as Yami Marik growled psychotically to himself as he stared at the fabric ceiling of the tent, quietly wondering who to kill first; how_ best_ to ruin the other side's life for what he'd done. This was an absolute outrage, an atrocity!

Politely putting it, he did not believe that the 'skimpy cat–girl' was a very flattering look.

Feeling came back to his limbs rather slowly – it was only on stretching that he realized that there was something draped over his lower half, weighing down his legs. Sitting up allowed him to see that the something was white all over. Mostly a smooth sort of white, but as it stirred, fluffy white bangs brushed the Egyptian's tanned leg, rough cord slid over the man's bright pink miniskirt, and something cold and metallic clattered onto the plastic sheet Yami Marik was lying on. As he watched, the thing drew itself up into a form he better recognized – a human being holding its rabbit–eared head in rather furry hands, deathly pale. Besides the paw–like gloves and the ears, it also appeared to be wearing paw–like footwear, and blue boxer shorts – but not very much else.

_Ah. So this is the weak host, Ryo… _

The psychotic grin returned, even wider now. Once upon a nightmare, Ryo's other side had dared to challenge Yami Marik – and he had not _quite_ paid for his own impertinence. Besides, the Egyptian knew full well what Marik and Bakura did in the tent – he'd watched it, naturally. It was sickening, to be honest – and very undignified, too.

If there was one thing Yami Marik couldn't take, it was being undignified. He preferred having people kneel before him in terror to having them rolling around on the floor laughing.

"Marik and Bakura were 'just having fun', it seems. 'Just having fun'… Without _us._ At _our_ expense." The young man made no attempt whatsoever to conceal his disgust, his hatred for the duo. With a snarl, the Egyptian removed the pink cat ears he'd been wearing up to this point, and flung them out of the tent. Ryo blinked sleepily – his first mistake.

"Y–you're… Not Marik?"

Yami Marik thought about this question for a moment, fluffing out his hair into the usual spikes. "I'm not the Marik you'd know. But I _am_ Marik. Other Marik doesn't exist without me, after all." He yawned, touching Ryo's wrist ever so gently – the fact that his hand was allowed to hover just over the wrist area and go unnoticed was Ryo's second mistake. "Come now, they must have told you about me."

The young man didn't think it possible for the pale boy to go any paler, but Ryo managed it. "Y–y…"

"Yami Marik, at your service." There was a somewhat mocking bow of the head, tanned hand now locking hard around the teen's fragile wrist, moving it in a rather painful direction. The Egyptian giggled, grinning cashier–style for a moment. "How can I hurt you?"

With a cry of horror, Ryo attempted to get up – mistake number three. A wild yell of joy accompanied Yami Marik's pounce, and the two of them went down in a muffled series of shouts, thuds, and words that hadn't seen the light of day since old Pharaoh Frogbungler shut his cursing mouth. The struggle ended quickly – the pale boy was fast, but he was already on his back at this point, and so found it hard to get away from the Egyptian. Yami Marik came up triumphant – he stood hunched over his prize, purring as Ryo brought his knees up to his chest.

"You didn't think you'd _get away_, did you? We're going to have such _fun_ together!" He traced a line along the other's jawline, then pulled out his Millennium Rod. "I'm going to show you and your silly other half exactly why you don't _ever_ put me in an costume like this."

A slight, nervous smirk. "One thing… You know that outfit?"

Yami Marik went to smirk, but then stopped; his eyes widening as he realized what position Ryo was in. The two of them met each other's gaze for a single second – and then the pale boy performed the only option left to him: He kicked upwards with both legs, straight up his captor's miniskirt.

As it turns out, the claws on a fursuit's footpaws are quite hard; and these seemed to have been sharpened into points. In a word, ouch.

Somewhere in the back of Yami Marik's head, Marik and Bakura exchanged evil looks… and hi–fives. With a barking laugh, Bakura held his hand out for the money, and Marik reluctantly passed over a few bills.

"Told you he'd win."

**Notes:  
1.** What colour _are_ Ryo's eyes? In fact, this isn't as easy a question to answer as you might think – in the manga alone, Ryo's have been shown as blue and brown, and even amethyst on one occasion. That's not all, either – Joey's have been shown as blue, dark brown, and honey brown, Yami's have been everything from deep purple to deep crimson to both of them at once to green (have a look at the covers of Duelist vol1 and Original vol7 if you don't believe me on that last one), and the arguments regarding the 'true' colour of Kaiba's hair still rage on to this day. Well… They don't really rage on, but they _could. _I personally believe that both his brown hair and green hair look are simply dyes – and in reality, he's a blonde. It's just like how Ryo accidentally put bleach instead of shampoo in his hair this one time. |D

*cue flamewar*


	35. RQ Defershipping (Shadi X Marik)

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

**Defershipping (Shadi x Marik) **- Requested to go early, by the guest Storm.

Erm… This one's pretty much total crack. I'd like to point out before I start that there are absolutely no fanfics or images for this one – not even an empty Tumblr, XDDD. And also that the origins of its name are utterly unknown… even to the great Seventh Star. (Maybe I should make up an explanation, since I'm the first to cover it…?)  
_Flaws of the pairing:_ Well… They haven't ever met, to my knowledge, but I think it can argued quite well that they'd never be in a romantic relationship. For starters, Shadi is NOT going to like Marik. Okay, so he'd like Yami Marik even less; but that's beside the point. Shadi holds the Millennium Scales and Ankh – and he's pretty loyal to the Tomb Guardians. As one can see with the way Pegasus and the museum curators were treated, Shadi sticks rigidly to his traditions, and he NEVER lets emotions get in the way.

And Marik is… well, Marik is _not_ loyal to his clan. To clarify, I highly doubt that attempting to kill the rightful king and take their place is at all loyal.

Yeah… If they did meet, it wouldn't work out very well.

**Warnings:** As always, it's a mildly OOC Shadi Marik's dealing with.**  
Time Period:** During Battle City, at the time that Marik's riding to Domino on his motorbike.**  
Names:**  
Marik Ishtar/Malik Ishtar = Marik  
Shaadi/Shadi = Shadi

Synopsis: Marik's bike gets a puncture… and Shadi decides to haunt him while he's trying to fix it!

_Soon, the God Cards shall be mine! All mine!_

Sitting on the motorbike, my hair whipped back by the air rushing past me, I have to bite my lip hard not to throw my head back and cackle. Here I am, living a dream – and I'm so close to my desire now! The thrill of the ride, the expectation in what is to come; it's simply exhilarating–

**BANG!**

With a feral growl, I slam on the brakes, the bike skidding across the abandoned road as I do so. With some effort, I manage to keep my balance on the vehicle, bringing it to a halt seconds later. With a few mumbled curse words, I get off. Squinting at the bike, I can see that there's something wrong with the front wheel. I lean closer, investigate further-

"A hole in the tyre."  
"I can see that, dolt!", I mumble, responding to the new voice without really registering it. Over the years, I've become quite used to hearing a voice in my head. It's only when the shadow falls over me and my bike that I actually realize that someone's standing right behind me.

I whirl. "Who are you?"  
The stranger is tall, thin. He doesn't smile, doesn't frown. And in his hand is a set of golden scales.

_A Millennium Item!_  
Warning bells scream in my head, and I snap into action; scramble away from the new man, rolling across the tarmac and to my feet. "Well? Answer me!"  
A thin smile. "That is not something you need to know." The words are in fluent Egyptian, which only makes me tense up even more. If he's a Tomb Guardian, sent to destroy me, then things could get nasty.  
I glance at the bike, wondering if I could get on it and run him over if I had to. "Actually, I'm-"

A shudder goes right through me – it feels as though a door in my mind just got opened, and there's cold air rushing in. The newcomer's smile vanishes instantly.  
"So… You are determined to do this?"  
"Eh?"  
He looks at me, almost sadly. "You plan to betray your clan, and kill the king."  
"Well, he–"  
"_Regardless;_ you plan to do it." He points the set of scales at me, the ankh around his neck glimmers in the sunlight. "If you cannot be persuaded to act otherwise, I may have to use my Items to destroy you." Needless to say, my jaw drops; my suspicions are finally confirmed.

_Not one Millennium Item… he's got **two!**_

Another chill runs through me, and the man nods. "Yes. The Key and the Scales."  
"Millenn…"  
"Millennium Items." His eyes narrow. "I do not wish to destroy you."  
"Well, tha–"  
"You are too… _pitiful_ for that." He towers over me, and I don't try to get away; in fact, I feel as if I've just been slapped rather painfully in the face. The man in the turban glares down at me – I don't want to meet his gaze, but he grabs my chin, forcing me to look into deep blue eyes.  
"You run on hate, nothing but your hate for the True Pharaoh. Thus… I must sedate it with _love_."  
And he leans down before I can protest, lips brushing my forehead in a delicate kiss.

It's official – this guy's a total nutter.

Still, I'm partially stunned, and the stranger takes full advantage of it – within twenty seconds I'm flat on my back, and he's gleefully on top of me, mad eyes boring into mine. "Now! I shall teach you love!" And he thrusts–

–the book into my hand. (1)"Open to page 79, please."  
"Uh…"  
"Third line down. Read it." I read it silently, and he growls. "_Read it!_"  
"Thou shalt love thy neighbor."  
"Yes! And will you?"  
"Will you get off me and leave me alone if I say yes?" He looks at me for a very long time after that, his expression… almost _sad._

"…Yes. Yes, I will."  
I take a deep breath. "Then… Then I promise to love my neighbor."

A slight smile. "Very good." He pokes me in the ribcage. "Now, page 453, line 6."  
"Wha…?"  
"I said I'd get off you and leave you alone if you said yes. But I never did say _when._"  
oOoOoOo  
Several hours later, he melted away into the desert, and I went back to swearing at my bike.  
_Well… At least Rishid didn't see that, thank Ra._

Notes:  
1. Told you I'd never do lemon!


	36. RQ Hikarishipping (Marik x Ryou x Yugi)

**Guest Review Response:  
**  
**Hawkfeather:** *blissful sigh* ah, my fix. finally. :D Don't bother protesting how bad it was. seriously. it was beautiful. And I get a cookie now?

Me:

I'm guessing you enjoyed that one? Sounds a little like my stories might be the worst sort of crack - the addictive sort! (I kid, I kid). *grumbles* Okay, you got me there. I'm a perfectionist, XDD - I was actually quite worried that this one would toe the line too much, but it looks like I'm all right...**  
**  
Oh yeah - and here's your cookie. *hands it over*

If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.

**Also, the third of the Twelve Days of Christmas run comes a bit late…**

Hikarishipping (Marik x Ryou x Yugi) - Requested to go early, by Hawksfeather.  
_Flaws of the triangle/three–way:_ It's one half of Yuumeishipping, guys – and the weird thing is that in… a really odd sort of way, it kinda… tilt your head sideways, take a few sugar hits, and sit up late… it sort of… _works_.  
Sort of.

Okay, so it doesn't. Not really. But if you're utterly sugar–drunk and up late, it sort of does.

Right, explanation time: This ship gets off to a good start, as Yugi is pretty much Sir Trusting the Extremely Gullible. The fact that he was willing to trust Kaiba during the early manga should show that. Better still – he _did _actually make it up with Marik after Battle City. And Marik even helped him later on (I think). At any rate, Yugi seemed to conveniently forget that it was Marik and not Yami Marik who put him through the whole duel–your–best–friend–to–the–death thing). He is probably the only one of the whole main cast who does actually trust Ryo, even when that kid's wearing the Ring – so that's certainly saying something.

Next, Ryo – and this is where things fall apart. Ryo's certainly proven himself to Yugi (not that he ever needed to – but he still died for Yugi and co during Monster World, by forcing his soul to shatter), however it's important to remember that all he's ever done for Marik is look like a weakling. And we all know how Marik treats those he deems as weaklings. (Hint: He's not nice to them). In addition, Ryo's been mind controlled by Marik longer than most of the others excluding the Rare Hunters – and the brainwashing was so strong that he couldn't even feel his own pain. As a result of that, he's not going to be overly fond of Marik – depending how long after Battle City the story is set, he's most likely to be _scared _of Marik.

Speaking of a certain Egyptian, Marik is an even bigger spanner in the works – he is actually pretty nasty during Battle City (and many seem to forget all about the Yugi vs Joey thing, but I digress). After Battle City, he seems to be *somewhat* nicer, though Ryo is still going to be scared of him. But there's an even bigger issue with this bully – you see, it's really quite easy to stop Yami Yugi/Yami Bakura from interfering with things. You just take away their Millennium Items – both Ryo and Yugi showed in the manga that their 'yami' cannot come out, unless they're wearing the Item. So, it's easy to shut up overprotective 'yamis', right?

…And then you get to Marik, who's already a problem when comes to him and Ryo, and you suddenly find that exactly what I've talked about in the Yuumeishipping and Bronzeshipping requests applies here. Basically, Yami Marik isn't connected to an Item, which pretty much means that Marik can go psycho axe-murderer on the other two; _regardless _of whether he's got the Millennium Rod or not. And please remember that Yami Marik is hate itself. If you really think that he's going to support ANY sort of lovey–dovey action with Marik, you are sadly mistaken…

oOoOoOo  
Okay, so this story actually took a few attempts to get, which is why it's off schedule a bit. It got to the point where I wrote pretty much all of a _second_ oneshot, before I scrapped it and tried this instead (the previous one is still saved, and I may end up posting it later on for you all to lol at, along with a bunch of other one-shots that didn't make the cut). That story was way too serious for my liking – if you were wondering, it was pretty much a total AU. All three of them were science experiments locked in some sort of hospital school, but the effects hadn't showed on Yugi and Ryo yet. Everyone else had weird powers (Marik had Wolverine claws, Joey had a dog nose and ears, and Duke was a master hypnotist), and so Yugi and Ryo were constantly trying not to get killed or bullied mercilessly. After surviving for seven years with no friends but each other, Marik eventually caught them – and he terrified them so badly that their abilities finally activated – Ryo basically went Maximum Ride (kid with wings) on everyone, and Yugi was able to move through walls. The two of them may or may not have beaten up Marik afterwards, as the ending wasn't completed.  
oOoOoOo

**Warnings:** Just as suggestive as the Yuumeishipping fic, if not so – and everyone's slightly OOC. See also: Shirtless Marik and Yugi.  
**Time Period:** After Battle City, Yugi tries to throw a party...**  
Names:**  
Yugi/Yuugi = Yugi  
Ryo/Ryou/Bakura = Ryo  
Marik/Malik = Marik

Yugi Moto tried to smile at the mastermind who had technically almost murdered him, along with his best friend. No, _seriously_ – he really tried.  
Emphasis on the 'try' bit.  
"So, uh… Marik…"

Sitting next to his friend, the white haired teen blinked, feeling a strong urge to try and get away from the general awkwardness of this. After all Ryo Bakura had been through, this honestly would have been right up there with 'Finding out that I was responsible for all those comas' and 'Trusting Marik' in terms of sheer stupid. As Yugi and Marik attempted to make some sort of silly conversation concerning hair gel, the boy sighed – it hadn't been his idea for Yugi to randomly decided to have a Millennium Items party at _Ryo's own flat_, _without asking him first_. For better or worse, only the three boys had actually showed up. This wasn't that surprising – there were only six people holding the seven Items, after all. The first man, he held two of them… oh yeah, and he was a ghost. Marik's sister, Ishizu, was the Egyptian ambassador – she had far more pressing matters to attend to, such as her whole country rebelling after Marik's evil split personality managed to eat all the chocolate in the government's staff fridge (thanks, Yami Marik!). The third person – Maxmillion Pegasus… well, he was dead. Ryo hadn't really _meant_to kill Pegasus, but the spirit inside his Millennium Ring had taken him over – he'd only been able to watch in horror as Yami Bakura butchered the creator of Duel Monsters and took Pegasus's Item. So, that just left Yugi, Marik, and Ryo to attend the 'party'.

A party of three… Heck, that sounded like something straight out of his tabletop role–playing game, 'Monster World' – which was _totally _not a rip–off of Dungeons and Dragons, thanks very much.

Ryo nodded to Marik. "Would you like some tea?"

"Erm… No thanks. It's nice of you to offer me one of your cheerleaders, but…"

"No, not _Teá! _I meant tea. You know, the drink."

"Oh. Well, I guess." (1)

Somewhat relieved, Ryo went into the other room to heat up the kettle. The Ring felt warm in his jacket pocket, but somehow he resisted the desire to put it on…

oOoOoOo

Yugi stared mournfully at the Millennium Puzzle, lying on the table – Marik's Millennium Rod was at Yugi's house. "It doesn't really feel right without my Puzzle."

"Doesn't feel right without my Rod, either." Yugi shot Marik a warning look, and he attempted to look innocent. "What?"

"Don't even _think_about trying to get it off me."

"I wasn't going to", the Egyptian fibbed, then leaned in close. "Hey, what could I give you for it?"  
_  
"Marik!"  
_  
"Heh, just kidding." He pulled a face. "I should know that it's priceless, of all people."

"Yeah… what with your back and all." Yugi sounded almost wistful – he was thinking about the memory of his friend, the amnesiac Egyptian Pharaoh who lived in his Millennium Puzzle. He hesitated, then asked. "Uh… you don't suppose you could show me those hieroglyphs again, do you?"

Bad move. The blonde saw his chance, and by Ra, he went for it – because screw dignity, he had something important to get.(And yes, that was a TOTALLY original catchphrase! Honest!) (2)

"Mmh, I know a lot about those Millennium Items. I could show you so much…", Marik purred, sliding the fabric of his top easily over his head, taking his time. "And I mean, I could give you… something really, _really _good."

"Erm… well… " Yugi had to admit it, the Egyptian was a pretty good stripper. The teen teased the other boy, coming close, fingering Yugi's collar- then pulling away again with an ever-so-slightly evil smile. Eventually, curiosity got the better of awkwardness, and Yugi just had to ask. "So… What could you give me?"

"Oh, you'll see – it's a surprise. Just take off your clothes, and I'll show you."

"_WHAT?!_"

Marik pulled a face. "Blah blah destiny blah connected blah. Come on, I did it for you. Now, you get your kit off for me."

"You don't _have_ all your kit off."  
An indignant toss of the head that sent shaggy blonde locks across Marik's tanned brow. "Then just your top." He grinned. "Might take the rest of my clothes off later, though."

Yugi sighed. "Look, can you just try to be sensible? I only want to see your tattoos."

"Exactly what all the ladies say. And probably the guys as well." Marik folded his arms. "But unless they're willing to get their top off for me, I won't do it for them."

"What about Battle City?"

The Egyptian looked away immediately, and Yugi wished he hadn't asked. "As far as I'm concerned, that never happened."

Yugi grumbled a little at that, but he still removed his shirt. Marik's eyes went wide with interest – though it could have easily been real _or_ feigned – and he purred softly, studying the teen's muscles."You've got guns, haven't ya?" He paused. "Not quite like Joey's or Rishid's, but still."He ran a hand over the other teen's chest. "Hmm – they're a bit like Duke's, actually. Although, he _is_taller than you… Still, he's pretty scrawny."

Yugi winced at that comment, but he was determined to persist. "Look, can I just see your back?"

"Nope. I want to see yours first."

"But I–" Yugi stopped and sighed. "Fine, you win."

Kneeling on the couch, he turned around to present his back to Marik – and with an evil giggle, the latter took full advantage of it to walk around the table, and wrap his bare arms around Yugi's neck.  
"Hey", he breathed – and the other teen instantly tensed up, shifting his position so that he now kneeled sideways on the couch. The Egyptian immediately flicked his hands down Yugi's sides, then removed them for a moment. "So, I need some practice, and you look like pretty good game to me."  
"Um… Marik? What exactly are you going to d–"

All Yugi got for an answer was Marik's foot slamming hard into his back, knocking him onto all fours. "Try to relax, okay? This is a special technique, right here."

oOoOoOo

In the kitchen, the kettle whistled, and a pale hand snatched out and grabbed it. Ryo sighed with relief, pouring hot water into the teapot.

_Wait… Did Yugi ask for tea? Did either of them want sugar? Milk? _In his haste to get away from the 'party', he'd forgotten to ask. "Hey, Yugi! Did you want tea as well?"

He paused, but he didn't get any reply.  
_Weird.  
_  
"Yugi? Marik?"

Nothing.  
With a sigh, Ryo left the teapot on the bench, and walked back towards the lounge room.

He didn't get that far before the noises started. An odd creaking, then a long groan – and then it happened.

"M–Ma–Aaaah! Oh god, _Marik!_" (3)

The pale teen stopped dead in his tracks, halfway down the hallway. That was Yugi – almost screaming, yes, but it was definitely his voice.  
_That doesn't sound good…_

"MAAAARRRIIIIIK!"

"I'm coming, Yugi!", Ryo yelped, charging down the hallway; he heard his friend begin to groan again, and tripled his pace. "You had better not be trying to kill him!" His voice was high with uncontained panic – if the Egyptian was trying to kill Yugi and get his Rod back that way, then what could he possibly do?  
_I–I'm useless…_

The pale teen shook his head – there was no point worrying about that. He'd figure out something when he got there, and it would all be just fine. "Hang in there, Yugi!", he called, speeding towards the door.

"Ryo!", Marik yelped. "Just wait – I can explain!"

Too late. The door flew open, and in came Ryo. "Marik, if he's hurt you're gonna– oh, _God._"  
He stared at the two of them in shock – both of them were shirtless, Yugi was on all fours on the couch, and Marik knelt behind him, with both hands on the other teen's back. The latter's face was an interesting mix of guilty and embarrassed.

"Erm… Honestly, it's nothing."

"Get off him!", the teen snarled, racing to Yugi's side. "A–are you okay?"

"M–Marik!", Yugi groaned. There was sweat pouring down his back, and his eyes were wide. "I… I've never felt better…", he gasped out at last – and to Ryo's surprise, his friend actually beckoned to the Egyptian. "Come back here." At last, Yugi looked at the pale teen; "S–sorry Ryo. I didn't mean to scare you or anything."

Confused, the pale boy looked between the two of them. "Uh… Explanation?"

"Well", Marik yawned, "I had to find a new hobby after Battle City."

"So?"

"I took up massage." The Egyptian eyed Ryo up and down, then gestured to the couch. "You look like you could do with one."

"But why would I–"

"Oh, all sorts of reasons. For one, you're very stressed. For another, Yugi can guarantee that it's a great opportunity. And for a third, I have a massage exam tomorrow. You'd be great practice."

Yugi nearly choked on his own laughter. "Massage _exam?_"

The Egyptian glared. "Hey!"

Some part of Ryo decided that now would be an excellent time to consult his shoes. "Erm… It's nice of you to offer, but I think I'll pass."

Marik blinked. "Actually, it wasn't an offer."

"Eh?" The pale teen looked up, and–

WHAM!

–found himself staring at the ceiling. Marik filled his vision.

"See, I never said it was an offer. To be honest, I never practiced for that exam, so I had to cram. And that's why you are getting a massage." Strong hands flipped him onto his stomach. "And by Ra, you're going to _enjoy _it!"

oOoOoOo

Notes:  
1. Many people often use 'Tea' instead of 'Teá' (Dub!Anzu's name) – this was just to poke fun at that.  
2. God, it irritates me when people use random Abridged quotes – doubly so when they're being said by another character, and are utterly out of context.  
3. See also: Every badly written YGO lemon scene ever. You get a cookie if you _didn't _assume at this point that I'd finally lost all my dignity, yelled "Screw the rules!" and had written lemon.


	37. RQ Lampshipping (Yami Bakura x a lamp)

**Guest Review Replies**

**Overshadowed Medallion:**Oh boy... That... That... I laughed so hard I woke my dad, who sleeps with a  
fan on. I was crying too. All in all, you did a marvelous (and hysterical) job  
with this pairing! You also have made me a somewhat-fan of it. Kudos!

Am I allowed to request another at this point? If so: Searchshipping (Yami  
Marik x Rishid x Marik x Isis)  
Also, may I suggest that every fifth one-shot or so, you do one from the  
alphabetical list? (like every 5 and 10 (eg. 45, 50, 55, etc.) are one from  
the list, while in between are the requests.) That way you are going onward  
with the normal list while still handling requests (such as mine and  
Hawkfeather's)!

**Me:** Aha, I'm glad you enjoyed it, as always - hearing this made me smile, thanks for that. ;)**  
**

Yus, you can RQ again (added yours to the list, that's going to be craaazy) - and that's a really great idea! I think the next one is number 44 (Spooner miscount!), so you're right on time there. I've been considering making the RQs list separate from the 'normal' list in the chapter listings, too - otherwise it's going to confuse people, XDDD.

**Hawkfeather:** *collapses in utter hysterics* This has got to be the funniest  
thing since... since... actually probably the funniest thing I've ever read.  
If I could ask WHY the updating took so long? Meh but I'm not complaining just  
happy more hilariousness has arrived. Keep it up! :P

**Me: **Thanks - as for why it took so long,I run four other serieses side-by-side over on dA, and also have been participating in a YGO FF contest. The updating took a loooong time, because I'm an admin for this group on dA, and had to get a lot of admin dramas and fights and general disorganization sorted out. I'm pleased to be back and writing, XDD.

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

Lampshipping (Yami Bakura X a lamp) – Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion.

The name's obvious, but where this comes from is… not so obvious. This ship came about due to a livestream, held by two people on deviantART who were making a collab – a picture of Yami Bakura making out with Marik on a bed... and there was this lamp on the bedside table, right next to Yami Bakura. During the livestream… Look, I'm just going to quote it from a description:

_" So basically people got wet over Tae colouring the lamp. Which is quite pretty. And while she was colouring it all of a sudden people started shipping the lamp with Bakura (and pretty much everything else in the room)._

I decided to sorta play along. This is as crack as crack can get you guys. Just a sketch, don't know if I'll add to scraps later or not.

Also, join the club

[there's a link here]

Yep there is a club for this shipping"  
_  
Flaws of the shipping:_ I... I don't think I can do this. What am I gonna say, _"The characterization of the lamp is one that varies from story to story"_? How about _"A good reason for Bakura to become involved with the lamp is…"_?

Come on, it's a crack ship. For whatever random reason, he likes the lamp. You can give the lamp whatever characteristics you want – heck, you could probably make the lamp some sort of a Mary Sue if you really wanted to. "Lampgirl", anyone?

…There really is no way to parody this, because it is in itself a parody…

**Warnings:** None.**  
Time Period:** Shortly before Monster World; Ryo has just moved into his apartment in Domino.**  
Names:** Ryo Bakura = Ryo  
Yami Bakura = Bakura

In the sky above the flat, dark clouds gathered – thunder rumbled in the distance, and the pale teen shivered. Something was wrong about the new apartment, he'd been feeling that way all afternoon – but Ryo Bakura just couldn't quite pick what it was. He felt like a shadow other than his own was following him around the place – a flicker in the corner of his eye as he examined a light fitting. But all the same, the place was cheap, and besides, no other place would take the teen… not with his reputation. Even if the flat _was_haunted… well, all Ryo had to do was challenge the evil spirit to a game of Monster World, and it'd probably fall into a coma.

_Problem solved_, he thought bitterly to himself, unpacking those dreadful figures from their box and placing them on a shelf – which was creepily illuminated by a bolt of lightning hissing past the window outside. No matter how hard he tried to leave the figures behind, Ryo couldn't help but feel a strange sort of attraction towards them – an almost addiction for playing the game. It chewed on his mind, and so whenever his latest set of friends at school asked him for a game… he was compelled to accept.

And every time he played, he blacked out momentarily – when he came to, they were all unconscious. Ryo knew from experience that they wouldn't wake up.

And so, he'd quietly call an ambulance to take them to the nearest hospital, then pack his things and leave for the next school. There was no point in being shunned or expelled, after all…

CRACK!

The pale teen jumped a foot in the air in response to the sudden noise, even as the lights went out. Ryo crouched for several minutes afterwards, listening to the whine of the bulbs as they died, allowing himself to become accustomed to the sudden darkness. In the shadows, lights glimmered – the standby lights of other appliances. The thunderstorm had only taken out the light circuit, it seemed; but it was enough to chill Ryo to the bone. He didn't like the dark, at all – those shadows always seemed to want to flicker and grab at him…

_No… Don't want to be in the dark… don't…_

Crawling on hands and knees, he slowly made his way into the bedroom – he could pick out the familiar outline of a bed, and–

_A lamp!_

Saved! Ryo could practically hear a chorus of angels singing 'Hallelujah' – but unfortunately, his ordeal was not yet over. With shaking hands, he tried to turn on the thing… and the switch did absolutely nothing. Desperate, he flicked the switch it back and forwards and back again, panic growing inside him with every _click._

_No… no… not the dark… _

Eventually, with a soft whine, he gave up and lay on the bed instead, burying his face in the covers and praying that the lights would come back on.

When he sat up a few minutes later, Ryo Bakura… well, he wasn't really Ryo any more. Nope, this was the thing that took him over occasionally, causing blackouts on Ryo's part whenever it wished to pay its rent.

Yami Bakura sighed, then yawned and stretched – he had to gain his host's trust; he knew that much. After all, Ryo was going to begin fighting him if this went on for much longer – the teenager wasn't stupid, he'd figure out that it was the fault of the Millennium Ring soon enough. It wasn't that Bakura actually _liked_ his host or anything like that, it was just that a suitable human was hard to come by these days, and he'd prefer it if he had an easy time when taking his host over. If he was to properly go after the Millennium Items, he didn't want to be participating in a constant war against the host's mind for control of the body.

_Hello, Ryo, _he thought at his sleeping host, but to no avail – as always, he was unable to communicate. Maybe he should write a note; but then again, his landlord had a fear of the paranormal in general. He was very unlikely to believe that some spirit had taken over the body and written it...

With a yawn, Bakura rolled over to contemplate the item that had been torturing his host – a short stick with a bucket hanging off the top. Perhaps, if he could make this object do… well, whatever it was _supposed_ to do, then let him wake, he could get Ryo's trust. After all, he reminded himself, it wasn't good that he was currently associated with bad things only – or as soon as his host became aware of Bakura's existence, there'd be a struggle.

The question was, how did the thing work? Ryo's memories told him that it was called a 'lamp', and that it could light up, but other than that…

Now, let's back off a second here and look at the big picture:

Bakura is an Ancient Egyptian spirit with pretty much no knowledge of electronics.

Bakura currently does not comprehend how a lamp actually works.

Everything weird in Bakura's previous world was caused by magical spirits.

In conclusion, it should be pretty obvious where this was going to go.

_Hmm._ The teen stared at the inanimate object for some time, before he reached for it, gently touching the bucket–thing. It was most likely refusing to co–operate with his host, due to a very obstinate spirit. Thus…

"Spirit!", he commanded, shadows flickering around him; "If you do not bow to my will, I will obliterate you!"

Silence was his only answer – he did not even feel an answering tug from the lamp that would have indicated a spirit's presence. With a frown, Bakura placed his palm on the shade, trying to sense the spark that surely resided within it – but found nothing. It had to be hiding from him, that was it. He snarled, shadows darkening around him as he took the lamp, and leaned right in close to it, hissing threats and abuse in Egyptian.

No reply.

Perhaps it was simply shy, and he was scaring it; in which case, seduction might be the way to go. Wrapping slender fingers around the lamp stand, the pale teen purred. "Hey, sweetie… Gimme a little spark, would you?" Nothing, but that was to be expected – the spirit was likely stunned. Bakura continued his advances on the lamp, murmuring softly to it; "You've got nothing to be afraid of, m'dear." He wouldn't normally do something like this, but he needed to gain Ryo's trust. If the lamp was to light, then his host might believe that the spirit was helpful.

Something clicked under his fingers, and the lamp hummed – Bakura grinned triumphantly. "Come now, m'precious. Just a little more." But the item refused to light, holding out for a full three hours under the teen's caresses. Yami Bakura found himself fascinated by this strong spirit, that would not bend however hard he tugged at the stick part of the lamp. He took off his shirt then, and slipped the lamp under the covers, climbing into bed with it – just as the light circuit came back on, and he snuggled in the warm glow of victory for a few minutes.

_Ryo will be pleased._

With a grin of triumph, he handed back control to his host.

He didn't expect Ryo to scream _quite_ like that…


	38. RQ Manipulashipping (Marik X Anzu)

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

**Guest Review Replies:  
Soka: **Ponytailshipping, Otogi x malik x bakura or did you do that already  
Btw is there a ship with atem and his father (guys name is just too long man

Also xenoshipping Isis x rishid  
The latter would make sense. but then again they feel like they are like  
brother and sister  
**Me:**Added Ponytailshipping. As I said on the other reply, I checked it up and Pharaohshipping is Atem X his dad.

Xenoshipping... sort of makes sense. Might be trickier to flaw than some ships I've covered so far, actually.

**Tea: **you know, at this point, I don't think you will ever be able to go in alphabetical order...  
Pharaoh shipping please.  
...sometimes I hate my I computers automatic spell check

**Me: **I'm inclined to agree here...  
And no can do - I'm not currently taking ships involving Millennium World characters.  
oOoOoOoOoOoO

**Manipulashipping (Marik x Anzu)** - Requested to go early, by the two guests C.p.f syndrome and Lazy._  
Flaws of the pairing: _Well… Given that Marik gets shipped with just about everyone (except inanimate objects, that's always appeared to be a role given to Ryo/Yami/Thief King Bakura), I probably should have seen this coming.

The best way to describe this pairing would be something like 'Like Bananashipping, but worse'. Marik has _no respect whatsoever _for Anzu, as shown by Marik using her against Yami. And unlike Joey, Anzu isn't strong enough to break Marik's control – as he's shown controlling her later on, when they're all on Kaiba's airship. It should be pretty obvious that to Marik, Anzu is little more than a tool, which he is quite happy to use to get what he wants.

Being controlled and made to hurt Yami is only going to make Anzu hate Marik even more than she already did – it's practically impossible for her to NOT judge Marik for what he did. Note too that there was not a single thing that Anzu would have been even partially willing to do that Marik forced her into doing. After all, he:  
– Almost made her commit suicide – she was holding a capsule of poison _between her teeth_ during the Joey/Yugi pier duel.  
– Made her say nice things about "Namu" (Marik), when in reality she probably suspected 'Namu' of controlling her (in much the same way that Joey did)  
– Forced her to take the Millennium Ring and put it around Ryo Bakura's neck. Remember that Anzu was disgusted by Yami Bakura's behavior, and definitely didn't want to see him again.

So… Yeah. Not a whole lot to say about this one. Marik's only interested in Anzu because she's close to Yugi – which is pretty much why he controls her. And Anzu hates him with a passion…

**Warnings:** One barely described almost–kiss, two barely described punches to the face, and a fair bit of mind control.**  
Time Period:** Battle City, the night before the semifinals begin.**  
Names:** Marik Ishtar/Malik Ishtar = Marik  
Anzu Mazaki/Tea Gardener = Anzu

The night before the finals, and I lay shaking under the covers, just wishing that'd it all end. I'd almost died today… watched my friends almost die… and for what? Little pieces of paper?  
_Anzu._  
That voice was in my head again, and I shuddered. Marik just couldn't seem to leave me alone.  
_When this is over, I promise I'll leave you alone._  
"Yeah, right!" I snarled back at him – and suddenly my body wasn't mine anymore. I could only watch as the leader of the Rare Hunters aimed my eyes, moved my arms and legs – and made me walk down the corridor of the aircraft.  
_Wh–what are you doing?!_ I fought as hard as I could, but it was absolutely useless. Marik laughed in my mind, continuing to steer me down the corridor.  
_Heh… You see, I'm bored, and you need to be taught a lesson. All day it's been, and all day I've had nothing but insolence from you!_ I – no, Marik – pushed open one of the doors to the rooms, and suddenly his voice was suddenly full of malice. _And now… I'll make you pay double for it!  
_  
I felt control return to my limbs, and– WHAM!

Something blunt and heavy hit me in the side of the head, and I fell to my knees, vision blurring.  
"Sorry about that." There was no emotion in the apology. I squeezed my eyes shut tight against the pain, even as strong hands grabbed me and pulled me up. "Just wanted to make sure you wouldn't try to run… dear." The voice was the same as the one I'd heard in my head – young, with a slight lilting accent.  
The door slammed shut, and I dared to open one eye. I expected to see the same man who had threatened my friends earlier – the man built like an ox, with the cloak and hood… but instead, there was a slender man about Joey's height. Messy blonde bangs framed a tanned, youthful face, with eyes like amethysts and thin lips curled in a knowing smirk.

"N–Namu?!" I tried to get to my feet, but he pushed me onto my back with one hand. Crouching, he extended the other hand to show me the Millennium Rod – the _real_ Rod, glowing with power. Smiled mirthlessly at me, watching as I lost control over my own body again, lying passively in front of him.  
"No. Marik."  
A thousand questions popped into my mind at that point, only to abruptly replaced by a very different set of a thousand questions a moment later, when Marik leaned close to me, the Millennium Item touching my top. His voice was ringing in my mind now.  
_It's time to give the Pharaoh the ultimate embarrassment._  
"What the– What are you tal–"  
"Shhh." His fingers caressed my neck – and a moment later, his lips were making contact with mine.  
_And this is only the start. In a moment, I will… _  
Images of myself and this man filled my mind, and something very delicate snapped inside me.  
_No! No!_

With a screech of rage, I lashed out with all my strength against Marik, against his control – and for a vital second, it broke. My right hand curled into a fist, the muscles in the arm moved. He let out a yell of pain as my hand met his nose, backing off and pointing the Rod at me. "You… you…"  
"Yes. Me." I stood before him, head high – ready to hit him again if I had to. My eyes blazed with anger, even though my knees were shaking – and Marik looked mildly impressed.  
"You are… interesting, Miss Mazaki. Men far stronger than you would be broken by now. They would simply… give in." He took a step back towards me, and I tensed up instantly. He laughed, licking his lips, and I could feel his Millennium Item pulling at me for control. "So, you still challenge me… _Very_ interesting, I must say."  
I said nothing, and he came closer–  
THUNK!  
He winced. "Ow. You punch hard."  
I smiled sweetly. "Thankyou."

He raised an eyebrow, looked like he might have been about to say something – then shook his head with a wry smile. "I should have expected nothing less from one of the Pharaoh's close friends. Never mind, I'll break you eventually." He gazed at me for a long time after that, and I shifted on my feet, slightly uncomfortable. He grinned. "You take this round, Anzu Mazaki. You may leave…"

And I left, feeling those lavender eyes on me as I walked, and an immense feeling of satisfaction in my heart.


	39. RQ Moneyshipping (Seto Kaiba X Himself)

**Moneyshipping (Kaiba X Kaiba's Ego/Another Kaiba (it varies)) – suggested to be done early by Scaevola–King Of Thingy. Woot, our first early suggestion!  
**_Flaws of the pairing:_All right, I'll admit it: This is either one of _the_ most likely YGO DM/Zero pairings to happen with IC characters… or it's one of the most crackish pairings in the whole fandom, so long as we're not counting that one story that shipped Ryo with the banana. Really, Moneyshipping can go either way…  
The good: Kaiba being in love and/or obsessed with himself certainly makes more sense than, say, pairing Kaiba up with his worst enemies, which happens far too often for my liking.

The flip side: This one ends up being total crack, since fandoms will be fandoms – and unfortunately, anime fandoms like to see fanart of shippings… with the characters kissing, hugging, holding hands, you know the drill. Since Kaiba attempting to take himself out on a date is going to look understandably weird, most of the Moneyshipping fics, videos, and images I've seen tend to feature Battle City Kaiba making out with one or more of his incarnations of other seasons (often Green Hair Kaiba of Season Zero makes an appearance at some stage). Seriously, a character getting shipped with himself from a few years ago? That makes about as much sense as… as… um… as goddamn _Yuumeishipping _happening!  
_  
_**Warnings:**Well… uh…Weird pairing is weird. _Really_ , hilarious.  
Kaiba does kiss his "beautiful other half" at one point, and he also removes his shirt.**  
Time Period: **Since this pairing is normally done with Battle City Kaiba, this is set at the start of Battle City – during the preparations. Kaiba's just been testing out his Egyptian God Card against the Blue Eyes White Dragons**.  
Names:  
**Seto Kaiba = Kaiba.

"Do you know why I called you here?"  
Silence. The tall young man struts back and in front of another, similarly built young man – who imitates him flawlessly, even stopping and whirling when the other man does.  
"Allow me to enlighten you, then: I am Seto Kaiba. And you, my dear sir, you are _not._"  
The brunette glares daggers at this insolent one who has challenged him, who simply glares back. For a time, Seto Kaiba has put up with this strange creature that seems bent on following him around everywhere where there is a reflective surface– however, enough is cracks his knuckles, and observes the other do the same. _Man, cosplayers these days…_  
"It is time you learned what 'Seto Kaiba' _is_. Look at me, now back at yourself, now back to me. Sadly,you're not me. Look at me, my immaculate clothes, my perfect face, look until your eyes bleed from my beauty. I command it. Go on."

A tense silence reigns, broken once more by Kaiba's laugh. "Pathetic little imitator, so you're wearing some poor excuse that's meant to look like my clothes. Trying to emulate the great Seto Kaiba? Well, guess what: You picked the wrong target to try your silly little tricks on."  
He leans in close to the other's face, his lips brushing the others for a second. "You picked the _real _Seto Kaiba."

Most of his fangirls (or guys, he isn't completely sure of this one's gender) would have fainted dead away at that, but all the inquisitor gets is silence – and so Kaiba leans back, pulling out a deck of cards. Perhaps brute force will work. "Now, kindly observe my cards. And now, look at your cards – they are inferior to my cards, are they not? They will never, _ever_be as good as my cards."

That should have been enough to get this imposter into a fierce mental breakdown, however it has little effect. There's another long silence… and then Kaiba scowls. "That stare isn't working on me. All it's doing is making me angrier."  
Another silence.  
"Fine, you asked for it! I'll show you why you don't mess with me. See this note, this one hundred dollar bill Pegasus gave me? (1) Watch, stare all you like – no, don't look at _me_, look at this cash! For I will now tear it into pieces."  
_Rrrrrip.  
_"See? Or are you too stupid?"  
blinks – he wasn't expecting to ever find someone who wouldn't burst into tears at the mere _sight_ of what he had just done.  
"Oh, you think you're tough, huh? You reckon you've got guts?" The brunette leaps to his feet, and is shocked to see the other one do the same. "You DARE to challenge the pure might of Seto Kaiba?"  
The imitator simply stares at him in silence – but Kaiba is angry now. There's no way he's going to hand out second chances. "You don't stand a chance against my almighty power! Gaze upon your doom!" He rips a card out of his deck, a terrible vengeance burning in his eyes."BLUE EYES WHITE DRAGON!BURST STREAM!"  
Said dragon lunges out of the card with a roar – then its jaw hangs open and the sound dies to an undignified whimper. The CEO's eyes go wide in shock. "You have a Blue-Eyes White Dragon _too_? Where'd you get that fro-"  
It's at that point that Kaiba's dragon recovers, and obeys its master – attacking at exactly the same time as the imposter's dragon does.

**BOOM!**

The blast of white light reflects, blowing up the unfortunate dragon and tearing up the room instead. A voice floats up from below:  
"Big Brother, what's going on?!"  
Kaiba is quick to react, racing to the door and locking it. "Mokuba, don't come in! It's all under control!"  
"Um… All right…" The young boy doesn't sound convinced, but the CEO knows that it will just have to do. He's got way, _way_ bigger problems right now._  
_Kaiba whirls on the challenger, who simply stares once more. "What _are _you?"  
Silence, and the CEO grinds his teeth. "Alright, so you've got a Blue–Eyes White Dragon, that's great and all, yadda yadda yadda yadda. It _doesn't_ mean that you can use it!" He tears off his coat, then removes his shirt with an evil smirk. "For instance, you have to have _these_ guns to use that card proper–"  
He freezes – the other has taken off his shirt too, revealing a perfect six–pack of sexiness. Kaiba's jaw drops. "Oh my lord… Wow, where'd _you_ come from?He–_low_. Oh my, you're just beautiful!" Suddenly, he's back in the face of the other man, trying to run his hands down that perfect chest – but the imposter imitates Kaiba perfectly, matching his own palms to Kaiba's. They don't feel human at all – metallic, strangely flat.  
"An… android? Yes!" The CEO goes nearly mad with desire – he leans left and right, he tries to dart past those hands, but every time he's caught.  
Kaiba giggles. "You're… so much like _me…_" He darts in for a kiss, his lips sliding across that cold, slick surface as he makes triumphant contact. Pressing his forehead against the others, he nuzzles it, desire evident in his eyes. "And you never back down… Oh, you might just be _my_sort of guy…"

The young CEO breaks away, gazes into cold blue eyes identical to his own. "I think you might just be Seto Kaiba, you know that?"  
A silence, then he smirks. "_Perfect._"He leans in once more, going for a more full kiss this time–

"AUUUUUUUUGH!"  
Kaiba jerks away from his beautiful other half like he's been shot. "Mokuba, I thought I said _not to come in!_"  
The little boy backs away hurriedly. "Oh, that does it! Big brother, I am officially _never_ going to let you have a mirror in your room, ever again!"  
His brother blinks, unused to having Mokuba ever boss him around. "You're… not?"  
"Well, this happens every time I let you have one in here!"  
The CEO flings an arm protectively around his other self. "No! It's not what it looks like! He was following me! Come on, he was _asking_ for it!" Mokuba raises an eyebrow, which only makes Kaiba more desperate. "We're just _friends_! Honest!"  
Mokuba groans and walks away.

Notes:  
1. That's because Kaiba's in Japan. They don't have hundred dollar bills in Japan, so Pegasus had to give it to him (since Pegasus is American)


	40. RQ Naiveshipping (Ryo X Yugi X Anzu)

**Reply to Guest Review:  
Hawkfeather: **First off, AMAZING. You didn't explain how the ship got its name,  
but I'm pretty sure most of us get it. After all, it's pretty obvious...  
Secondly, I really, truly think (lapsing into fangirl mode for just a moment)  
that that last scene should be a picture on deviantART or something. I would  
really like to see a good drawing of that.

**Me: **Aha, I felt like I was missing something - but as you pointed out, it's fairly obvious if you know something about the characters.

I think we can all agree that even a shot of the Mary Sues _faces_ during that last scene would be absolutely priceless. Let alone an awesome drawing of the whole incident (great, now I'm fangirling a little as well!)

oOoOoOo

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

**I'm proud I made it to the sixth day, actually. **I've been very busy with all the Christmas preparations, so haven't had a lot of time to write - and some of these pairings gave me serious trouble, XDD.

Naiveshipping (Ryou x Yugi x Anzu) - Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion.**  
**  
Flaws_ of the shipping:_Well, this one is harder to find flaws with than many of the other ships I've taken on – pretty odd for a ship with three characters, eh?

All right, so this ship is quite similar to Analogshipping (Anzu x Honda x Ryo) – just with Yugi instead of Honda. Come on, we know they're all buddies. It's hard to poke holes in it, for that reason… but hey, I'll give it a go.

So! First, the good things; Yugi has been friends with Anzu since their childhood, and while Ryo's definitely a later addition to the team, the other two are generally friendly towards him. We know that both Yugi and Anzu – Yugi in particular – trust Ryo, who has displayed his loyalty to his friends before (see: Monster World) – he actually went all out and destroyed his own soul to stop Yami Bakura from taking any more lives. Speaking of which, Yami Bakura can always spoil things, as he is always wont to do…

So – If you put Ryo's Ring in a locked cupboard, then whacked the three of them in a room, they'd probably go over to each other and start chatting. No ignoring, no awkward introductions (well… maybe), and guess what? No maiming!

Okay… To be honest, this would be a very hard one to play as a triangle. Anzu is technically infatuated with Yami Yugi, seemingly more so before Battle City. She's also a bit soppy for Yugi, but the latter tries his best to remind her that she's getting bits of his personality mixed up with Yami Yugi's, which should indicate that she tends to blur the line between 'the two Yugis' a bit. How reclusive Ryo is would depend on what time period the oneshot was set in, but it's unlikely that he would be one to act on a crush or similar on one of his friends… which puts him in the middle of the triangle – but wait! Anzu and Yugi really like each other, even if we go and say it's as friends – they just aren't going to fight over Ryo, unless one of them is very much OOC.  
**  
**Weirdly enough, a three–way could actually be the best way to go with this, because there's no real need for a middle character who both the other two like. After all, there's no reason that Anzu wouldn't want to get close to Yugi (even if it _is_just so she can be with Yami Yugi at every opportunity, it still works), and we all know how much she'll back up her friends. Again, Ryo isn't likely to act on emotion – but in the correct scenario, it's possible that Yugi could encourage him enough to keep the relationship together.

Just so long as the Millennium Ring doesn't come out…  
**  
Warnings: **More serious than some of the others, armed and dangerous Ryo, APOCALYPSE OH NOES.**  
Time Period:** Shortly after Monster World – an AU, but no real OOCness.**  
Names: **Ryo Bakura = Ryo  
Yugi Moto/Mutou = Yugi  
Anzu Mazaki/Tea Gardener = Anzu

Summary: Fangirls are set loose on Domino High, and it's pretty much painted as a zombie–apocalypse situation.

"AIEEEE–"  
The first scream rang loud and clear in the corridor, only to be abruptly stifled – this was the signal.

The prey had been sighted.

The pale teen tensed ever so slightly at the sound as he made his way down the hallway, resisting the urge to run. If he was to flee, the pack would only give chase; they would be more likely to catch their victim. Whispers and giggles began to form out of the cold, dead silence, and the teen quickened his pace immediately – but now, he could hear the dread sound of pattering feet behind him. They weren't far away, and closing the distance.

_Can't let them catch me._

He was a desirable – they had always known about him, and so he had been forced to fight back early on. His hand itched to snatch the katakana (1) from its holster, strapped across his back, hidden under his jacket – but he stopped himself. That would only incite the things to battle, and he really didn't have the time to enter an all-out fight with however many of them were now stalking him. No, he needed to find his friends first – if the worst came to the worst, the teen might need to make a last stand with them. The frenzied cries of the creatures, the panicked voices on the phone – they had told him all he needed to know. His friends were badly outnumbered, and not doing too well. At least with his help, they might have a chance…

_Hang on, guys. I'm coming._

The scream came again – somewhere else in the school, another pack had found another target. The footsteps became uncertain – then suddenly, they doubled in pace. Typical, really – they didn't want the other pack to take their prey. He could hear their plaintive little voices now; pleading already.

"Ooh, can I have your autograph?"

"You're so cute!"

"I'm your biggest fan!"

"No, I am!" A squabble broke out then, to be quickly silenced by the others.

_Mustn't run…. Mustn't run…_

Ryo Bakura gritted his teeth, and walked a little faster.

oOoOoOo

Inside the cold, dark classroom, the two teens shivered. They had tried their best to barricade the door against the things, they'd turned off the lights and turned on the ancient, rattling air conditioner to hide their presence from eyes and ears as much as possible… but they both knew that it wouldn't last forever. Eventually, the creatures would find them.

The girl huddled under one of the desks. "I–I knew we shouldn't have gone off on their own. We should have stayed with the others."

The boy with the spiky, tri–coloured hair growled. "Anzu, it's not our fault. They told us to run, didn't they?"

"Yeah… but…"

"Hmm?"

"We're done for, aren't we?" (2) Tears filled azure eyes, and Yugi wrapped an arm awkwardly around Anzu's shoulder. "I… I mean… You don't even have your Puzzle. They took it…"

The boy set his jaw, staring into space. "We'll… Yeah. We'll get it back." Unlike Ryo, neither of them had any skill with weapons, nor any of the genetic tweaks some of their other friends had. Even though the situation was dire, Yugi had been forbidden from getting such a thing, lest he become unable to channel the spirit of the Millennium Puzzle. Anzu, meanwhile, had only recently been rescued from the ranks of the kids, and turned back to normal… or so he hoped.

WHAM!

Something slammed into the door, rattling the barricade. The pair cowered under the desks, even though they both knew it wouldn't last forever. And from the other side, they heard it:

"I just want to show you my Millennium Sword…"

The boy's mind raced – so many things he and Anzu could have, should have done, so many things they hadn't. "Anzu... I just wanted to say–"  
_Sorry. I'm so sorry for getting you here. So sorry for–_

"I know what it is already. I love you, too" That was when she leaned forwards with a rather odd look in her eyes, kissing him with as much passion as she could possibly muster.

oOoOoOo

As the things drew closer and closer, it dawned on Ryo that he wasn't going to get away without a fight. He needed to dispose of these stalkers quickly and efficiently. He turned to face them, one hand going to his sword, and–

_Twenty?!_

The teen froze on the spot, his heart skipped a beat. He had never seen a pack this big before, though he'd the stories. The katakana would be too slow to cut through all them… _if_ he managed to take all of them on. He had a secret weapon, but he wasn't about to use it yet – if this pack was this large, the next might be even bigger, and using _that_ability drained him. Besides, the corridor was too narrow for him to fight properly – no, his last gamble would be best reserved for the final battle. And that only left one option available…

He stopped himself – he'd spent too much time thinking. They were close, whispering his name over and over. They were almost within reach, reaching out to touch his face in awe. A few more centimeters, and they'd be on him–

He berated himself. _No time to think about that – just run!  
_  
oOoOoOo

Yugi flailed around in a fit of pure awkward, until the girl let go and pulled back.

"A–Anzu, you're confusing me with the other me again!"  
_Oh no… Has she gone back to being one of them?_

She just sniffed, looking away for a moment. "Well, you look the same to me in the dark."

"I don't even have my Puzzle! How could I possibly have–"

WHAM!

Now there were howls of joy, as more of the things slammed themselves into the door, one after the other. The boy automatically went to scramble away from the noise, but the girl stopped him with an outstretched arm, leaning in again for another kiss. There was a wild look in her eyes – but he managed to jerk back this time, wiping his mouth. "Stop th–argghghh!"

She sighed, breaking away again. "Oh, Yugi. I've been a fan of yours for the longest time. And now…"  
_  
_The boy's eyes widened. "Anzu, n–no! You've got to resist whatever they did to you!"

She didn't answer… just went for him again.

oOoOoOo

"Huff…. Huff…"

Ryo's legs were pounding against the hard floor of the hallway – there was no time to draw the katakana while running like this, and no space to use his secret weapon. His lighter–than–average bone structure was enabling him to run slightly faster, but other than that, he had very little of an advantage over the zombie – like creatures known as Fangirls. Fortunately for him, these were for the most part completely ordinary–looking, completely mental creatures that would repeat the same things dumbly over and over – they were relatively easy to lose in the corridors of Domino High…  
_  
There!_

He could see a new pack up ahead, though these were not Fangirls. No, these were for the most part far more exotic. Some of them were not quite human, just like Ryo – but unlike the pale teen, there was seemingly no upper limit on their powers. Some of them had ridiculous looking things which they claimed to be Millennium Items. Some of them were carrying decks which Ryo knew from experience to be overpowered – and some of them simply had some of the most oddball powers he'd never heard of in his life. Some of them were absolutely unbeatable, unless you could get in the first hit. One thing was true, however – every last one of them good – looking, and every last one could make any unwary member of the Survivors into a hopeless suitor. These… these _creatures_were known as Mary Sues, and they were currently occupied with slamming themselves into the door of a classroom with yells and whoops of excitement:

"Look at my Millennium Wand!"

"I'm gonna be your girlfriend!"

"I bet I can kick your butt to kingdom come! Let me be your protector! And then we can have sex and things!" (3)

"I'm your long–lost sister!"

"Don't listen to her – _I_ am!"

"SQUEEEE!"

Ryo's mind raced, almost as fast as his feet. Yugi and Anzu absolutely had to be in there, he knew it. They _had_to be, or he was toast…

CRASH!

There were enough of the screaming ninnies to send the door off its hinges – and they all piled into the room at once. The teen was too far away to intervene, but he could hear their voices rise in triumph, and his heart sank.

_Oh, no…_

_They're… My friends… are… _

And suddenly, the creatures were fleeing from the room, squealing in pain, hiding their eyes, crashing back against the wall in a daze. The teen shot forwards through the doorway himself, and then stopped dead.

Anzu and Yugi were under the desks.

Kissing.

And neither of them were wearing shirts.

With a gasp, Ryo pulled them apart. "Yugi! You… you okay?" The smaller boy sat dazed on the floor, holding his head in his hands.

Anzu blinked. "What was I doing again?"

Ryo growled. "The brainwashing. You were a true fangirl for a moment th–"

A slow smile graced Yugi's features. "That's it! That's how we get out of here!"

"Um?"

The boy grinned. "Okay. They didn't like me and Anzu kissing, right?"

"Right."

"So, what if you get in on it as well?"

Ryo blinked. Part of him really just wanted to take out his secret weapon and make a final stand. On the other hand, the plan had been effective just before – but was the kissing actually the secret to defeating the brainwashed? And besides, he liked his friends… but he didn't want to get into _that_sort of thing with them.

_What if…_

There was a thud in front of him, Anzu screamed behind him, and the teen shook his head in disgust; he'd taken too long to think, once again. He turned, even as a fangirl lunged at his face and–

A massive snow – white wing came out of Ryo's back, blocking the attack (or advance, Ryo couldn't be quite sure) and throwing off his jacket. The teen grinned savagely at the startled creatures, even as the other wing tore its own way effort of forcing and maintaining the change had cost him a lot of his strength, he knew that he couldn't hold it for long... but right now, he couldn't care less. At least it gave him some sort of ability that he could use against the Sues.

_The last battle, eh?_

Spreading his wings wide, he easily shielded his friends from any sort of assault, batting Fangirls and Sues alike away with the flat of his blade – but there were far too many of them to fight off here. Other packs must have heard the noise, because this looked like well over a hundred of the damn things, all trying to get to him. He looked over his shoulder. "Guys! You've got to try whatever you were doing back there!"

"But what if–"

"Just do it!", he screeched, trying to shake a Sue off his arm. Of course, she disengaged as soon as she opened her mouth to yell some smart-alec comment – the best thing about Sues was that they weren't too bright, after all.

Suddenly, a ripple passed through the mob – they backed off, but quickly recovered with yells of joy. Ryo gritted his teeth, even as they stampeded towards the trio once more.

"Can't you do anymore?"

"We're trying!"

"It's not enough, Ryo. We need you for this."

Some part of Ryo screamed, but he knew it was true – the non–canoness of Yugi and Anzu on their own weren't enough to hold off a hundred Sues and Fangirls. Screwing up all his courage, he took a single, grudging step backwards – and instantly, he could feel them resting their heads on his shoulders. With a massive effort, he forced himself to spread his wings wide around them – and then, unsure of whether this would actually work or not, grunting with the effort of holding his wings out…

Ryo Bakura tore off his shirt, and stood before the hoards of fangirls and Mary Sues in all his 'bishie' glory.

It's been said that there has never been such a mass fainting session than at that moment.

It's probably true.  
oOoOoOo  
_  
_Notes:  
1. A sort of Japanese longsword. I reckon that of all weapons, this might be one Ryo could feasibly own – his father might have sent a ceremonial one to him, something he'd found on one of his digs.  
2. Anzu has a tendency to accept her own death – just look at the gunman incident.  
3. Mary Sues don't tend to be particularly subtle…


	41. RQ Ponytailshipping(OtogiXMarikXYBakura)

**Ponytailshipping**(Yami Bakura X Marik X Otogi) - Requested to go early, by the guest Soka.

_"Ponytailshipping is so named because fans are very fond of drawing the three characters involved with ponytails."_

SENSE, THIS MAKES NONE.

I can see why you'd draw Duke with a ponytail – _he has one in all his canon appearances!_That's not because fans are overly fond of it or anything, XDDD.

And as for the other two… Well, suffice to say that Marik has actually been drawn more times as a _mermaid _(at the time of writing, this occurred a grand total of tentimes as compared to two)_._Please remember also that there is a piece of fanart titled "Neglected Yu–Gi–Oh Characters in Pigtails", putting Ghost Kotsuzuka, Dinosaur Ryuuzaki, Ryouta Kajiki, Insector Haga, Yugi's mom, and Esper Roba in pigtailswith little red and pink ribbons. There is also a picture of 'Yami Yugi With An Afro' out there, no I'm not kidding you there. Need I say any more about this?

…Hang on, that definition said that they were _involved_ with ponytails.

Maybe it's my perverted mind talking, but is anyone else seeing possible 'ick' here?

_Flaws of the triangle/three–way/whatever:_The name makes roughly as much sense as the ship. Three ways don't generally work out well, there were a lot of problems with the previously covered Aweshipping (_Ryo _X Marik X Otogi) – and with a totally sadistic meanie in Ryo's place, things are bound to go even more hopelessly wrong. Come _on, _guys – if it isn't Duke trying to steal the other two's fangirls, it'llbe Marik being a general bastard, or Yami Marik… well, trying to kill everything I guess. And if it's neither of those two options, then it's gotta be Yami Bakura taking everyone's souls, and then laughing wildly as he wreaks general these three ever did try to live together, I doubt it would end very well – between them, they'd have lawyers on the doorstop, at least one group of brain–washed goons already roaming the streets, attacking and killing their victims with thousands of_paper cuts,_ and of course the nigh end of the world as we know it.

In other words, they'd fight. Remember, Yami Marik is an ever–present threat to this ship, and Yami Bakura is always planning to stab Marik in the back, though I should probably save that one for the Thiefshipping fic_. _You can probably argue back and forwards with those two quite a lot, but there is one thing that's pretty clear to me: Neither of them is very fond of Duke, who exhibits a healthy disgust for them in return. It depends on where you are in canon, but Duke/Bakura relations are probably worse than Duke/Marik relations at most points in time – Yami Bakura has openly insulted Duke (in the manga version of DDM, at least), and shown some pretty strong contempt for him, whereas Marik has not.

To those few who have ever even _attempted_ this ship, serious or not… I salute you. In recent memory, the most nonsensical pairing I've ever attempted is without a doubt Rerunshipping (Yami Bakura X Noa Kaiba), and this one is even harder than that to pull off the right way – or the wrong way, whichever way you happen to be trying it. This one–shot took me many attempts to get right, and I very nearly gave up when eventually faced with a full–on WTF mental block – but I did get it in the end. In addition to the final result, I have two nearly–done scrapped fics for this as well; saved, like all of my scrapped fics:

One was a bizarre _Portal_ – type thing, where the three of them were trapped and tested by Kaiba due to their defying him in different ways – and were forced to work together to escape. Duke was able to force Marik and Bakura to become a technicolour winged frog and an albino guinea pig respectively by coming into contact with them, the changes only reversing if he touched them a second time. To solve the puzzles, they had to work together and make use of each member's form – Duke could obviously open doors and more weight than the other two, Marik could jump a good distance and use his wings to glide, and Bakura could run up tubes to press otherwise inaccessible switches (and on one occaision actually ran in a hamster wheel to power a generator). It was an absolutely craaazy oneshot that missed its mark by a long way, and would be better suited to a multichapter series. Someday...

The other was canon events during Battle City, but with the three actually being mythical creatures in human shape. Gargoyle!Duke and Sphinx!Marik were powerful gang leaders in Domino, whilst Basilisk!Bakura killed a lot of people in Domino to get the attention of the other two – specifically so he could try to drive a wedge between them and start an all–out monster war. Again, this one missed its point about parodying the ship by a fair way, and was very much overcomplex - though I very much like that idea, I could use that again for another oneshot, one that's easier to work with...

**Warnings:** Written whilst listening to the full version of 'Hero's Comeback' on repeat – if you've ever heard that song, you should know that it's a pretty crazy thing to write to. Aside from a few bizarre cases of OOCness, the fic is as a whole clean.**  
Time Period: **Shortly after Battle City.**  
Names: **Duke Devlin/Ryuuji Otogi = Duke Devlin  
Yami Bakura = Yami Bakura, sometimes shortened to just Bakura  
Marik Ishtar/Malik Ishtar = Marik Ishtar

Hey, you!

Yes, you, Whatever Your Name Is – I'm talking to YOU. I wrote this down with the express purpose of talking to you, so you had better read it. I even used a freaking ink pen, my_ special _ink pen, and if you're reading this, I just shoved this piece of paper in your face (possibly up your nose, I'm not sure how good my aim is, never done this before). Keep reading. This is Important, and and Penultimate, and May Or May Not Decide The Fate Of The World, and all those things all my Friends like to say.

Still going? You're doing well. Now, I've got A Few Things To Say To You. Actually, I only have one thing to say to you, but my Friends always have A Few Things To Say.

Shipping. I don't care what you call it – slash, yaoi, yuri, het, homo. Ectera. Whatever.

STOP. No–one likes it. How do you think we feel, when you make us marry each other? Or divorce each other? You broke Joey's heart, when you made him Kaiba's pet prostitute. You have no idea how much consuelling Yugi had to go through when you made Yami start preying on him. And we all know what happened when you introduced Pegasus to Yugi's old man.

Yours Sincerely,

Duke Devlin

**LINE BREAK**

Dear Useless Minor Character,

My name is Marik Ishtar, and I would appreciate it if you actually used that name in the future. An important thing you should know about me is that I do not like things of an unknown nature poking me in the eyeballs. If my aim is true, and it usually is, then you should find yourself with this message shoved securely down your throat. Please ignore the writing on the back side of this shopping docket – it is unimportant, as I have already claimed my 2 cent per litre discount on motorcycle petrol.

Getting to your point(lessness): I have been asked to stop before, and I have no intention of doing so. It's addictive, I tell you – can't think why I never used the Rod for something like this before! I must have laughed for at least a week after I made Joey Kaiba's slave, and you have no _idea _how funny the look on Yugi's face was when Yami jumped him from behind. I agree that introducing Pegasus to Yugi's old man was not as hilarious as it could have been, but I'm working on a way to make it more comedic.

Yours Truly,

Marik Ishtar, Leader of the Tomb Guardian Clan, President of the Universe, Saver of Damsels in Distress, ad infinitum.

**LINE BREAK**

Dear Moron With Too Many Dumb Titles,

I do hope you are not sensitive to objects being stuffed down your collar, because that is exactly where this message is going. Be glad it isn't going somewhere else, if you catch my drift.

Seriously? I don't care what you think about it, but what you're doing to us is not a joke. You terrified all of us with that stupid Yami Marik stunt you pulled the other week, and only yesterday the whole city was set to be burned down by Slifer, because Yami Yugi was heartbroken and wanted to go out with a bang! It took us hours to settle it. And also, did you really _have _to give all the dark sides bodies? How did you even do that, anyway?

**LINE BREAK**

Dear Angry – Assed Ranter,

I am not sure how you managed to confuse my collar with my waistband, because that is where I found futile attempt at a coherent message. Please note that I am a strong believer in the 'eye for an eye' concept – this note should therefore find those silly leather pants you constantly wear.

Well, I _do _have an objective to stick to: Get revenge on The Pharaoh and his friends for thwarting me last time. I don't mind doing it the normal way, but it's just so boringthese days – this way, the jokes I get are absolutely priceless. In addition, I'm writing a book series based off what I observe – you guys will be making me rich beyond belief.

I gave the dark sides bodies, because it makes the shipping so much easier – I mean, Yami Bakura couldn't have done _half _the stuff to Ryo he did if he hadn't been able to hold that knife while Ryo was awake. As to how I did that… that's a secret.

**LINE BREAK **

Dear Monkey – Face,

You have my apologies – hopefully this note will find your collar.

I'm asking you to stop embarrassing us all. Please – the jokes are priceless, I'm sure, but you're being utterly immoral here. The other way will be sure to get you whatever you want – there's no need to continue with this.

Giving the dark sides bodies has only put three serial killers loose on the streets – and worse still, they have to go to school as well. For Christ's sake, put at least Yami Bakura where he belongs! He's been giving me that psycho look again! I know he's three rows behind me, but still…

Speaking of killer looks, the teacher is staring at us. Do you think this is a problem?

**LINE BREAK**

Dear Dumbwad,

I know what you're asking, and I said 'no'. From what I've heard, you've embarrassed everyone yourself, Duke – you should know how addictive it is. Does the term 'bar bet' mean anything to you?

No way. Yami Bakura's got his sights set on you now, and I don't particulary want to spoil his fun. Actually, I think I might _encourage _him a little.

Of course it's a problem! The answer is to cause a big fuss. Whatever you do, don't look behind you.

**LINE BREAK**

Dear Marco Polo,

You have to be the lowest form of scum I have ever encountered in my lif–––

_(From this point on, the paper is dashed with pen scrapes and ink blots)_

**LINE BREAK**

Domino High had never seen anything like it. Admittedly, things _had _gotten a little weirder since the three new students arrived – one with a penchant for licking sharp objects, one of them constantly muttering angrily under his breath, and one constantly screaming out answers at the top of his lungs (the dreaded "LET'S ANSWER!" was generally howled right when he was about to take a test, followed by a yelled series of utterly incorrect answers) – but even then, things hadn't been quite this strange.

The students of Class 3A were stunned to say the least, as note–passing between Marik Ishtar and Duke Devlin rapidly escalated into a fight where they would attempt to deliver their messages to each other in the most violent ways possible – then the deliverer would quietly return to their desk and go on writing, as if nothing had ever happened. This happened roughly once every five minutes, as the notes were hardly letters. The other teenagers in the classroom might have laughed, if two of the three new students hadn't happened to be stroking knives (or lead figurines, as the case may have been) and smiling psychotically at everyone.

The best was yet to come, however – after many minutes, when Duke was calmly scribbling his last message on Marik's face, a certain white–haired psychopath got to his feet with a blank look in his eyes, and silently moved up behind the raven–haired teen as he wrote. A nod from the blonde, and Duke was down on the floor in seconds – but so was Marik, a long and golden object clattering to the floor. With something between a snarl of rage at being controlled by the blonde, Bakura pounced on both of them a second later, hissing like a cat as the classroom descended into utter chaos around them, a melee breaking out between the three. Desks and chairs went everywhere as Bakura played with his prey, Marik attempted to regain control over the psychopath, and Duke ran for his life.

It was this point that the teacher finally looked up from her book "Ultimate Bestseller: Seventy–Three And A Quarter Shades of Derp", and attempted to unsuccessfully shush the class. When this failed, she put in her trusty ear–plugs and continued reading. Whilst things had never been _this _bad in the classroom, ignoring matters usually made them go away with time. She had learned long ago never to try and break up a fight in this class, as it often made things worse – and so she simply let it go, dodging the occaisional thrown chair.

In the classroom, the violence certainly didn't let up, either – if anything, it only escalated further. More students joined in – a brunette swung his briefcase about, snarling something about his company, and an obviously Japanese man with awent leaping over the heads of the others to try and shut him up. An Egyptian with blonde hair in gravity–defying spikes pulled out a knife and took advantage of the confusion to try and stab the girl next to him, but a young man with the pointy tri–coloured hair blocked him with a playing card. "LET'S DUEL!"

"How about 'Let's Stab?' "

"NO! THAT WILL NOT DO! I DEMAND–" The teen looked down, to see that the blade of the knife had gone right through his card. "…Aaaactually, that sounds good enough. Wanna try stabbing some money over our hands or something?"

"How about just stabbing the others? First one to ten wins."

"Mmh… What about stabbing homework over our hands?" The Egyptian thought about this for a while, and the other teen coaxed him. "Come on – we can make it a Shadow Game that tests your hatred…You _like _hate, don't you...?"

"Oh yeah, baby yeaaah!", the blonde crowed, immediately snatching worksheets left, right, and center.

Meanwhile, partially hidden under a desk, the white–haired teen grinned slowly at the panic he'd managed to cause. With a savage smile, he looked down at Duke and Marik, who he had finally pinned down.

"So, let's play a game…"


	42. RQ Puppyshipping (Joey X Seto Kaiba)

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

Puppyshipping (Seto X Katsuya) – Requested to go early, by a guest (who made an account later on - Hawksfeather)  
_Flaws of the ship:_ This pairing, in my mind, is _legendary. _This pairing…

Well, what can I say? The YGO fandom's practically famous for its slash pairings, and this is one of the most well–known of those slash pairings. It's one of the Big Five (the dominant pairings – Puzzleshipping, Tendershipping, Bronzeshipping, Puppyshipping, and Thiefshipping), and even in that section, it's formidable. There's no doubting it – here is one of THE most popular pairings out there. While one can find a good number of Yami and Yugi stories that aren't slash, it's a fair bit harder to find Joey and Kaiba stories that aren't.

I find this pairing hilarious, personally – since it's extraordinarily hard to make it work with all characters IC. They absolutely _loathe_ each other. It's a bit likethe Harry/Draco pairing of Harry Potter in those respects. Or maybe the NaruSasu pairing of Naruto… Okay, so Joey hasn't torn Kaiba's lung out in canon – _yet_, I can't guarantee that it didn't happen in the anime, MW, or DOMA (he apparently thumped _Yami_ in that arc, so anything's possible) – but you get the general point.

Yami/Yugi vs Joey… I swear, that one duel must have resulted in so, so much ammo for the shippers. We've got all those feels that Yami may or may not have for Tea. We've got Yugi declaring that he loves Joey (it was apparently a 'tearful goodbye' in the Japanese manga!). We've got Tristan holding Serenity's hand… even if it's just so that he can steer her, since she's still got the bandages and can't see. And lastly… Something happened that made the Puppyshippers very, _very_ happy.

You see… Kaiba _did_ save Joey's life in the manga. Just the once – it was just after the duel. Why? I think it was more to irritate Joey than anything else, to be honest. Kaiba also felt that the duel between Yugi and Joey was inherently wrong – and of course, Joey was playing illegally, which could be another reason for Kaiba saving him. By that point, whilst having an ego the size of a small planet, Kaiba was never actually _unfair_, like he was during Death–T_._ He generally had what he felt to be a good reason for doing pretty much anything – chances are this also applied to saving Joey. Notice however, how he paused before he did drop the life-saving key into the water. Kaiba was teasing Joey, and it's pretty obvious.

Here's the thing – Kaiba's also tried to _kill_ Joey, and he's put way more of an effort into doing this than saving him. This didn't haven once, but _twice_ – he deliberately allowed Mokuba to poison Joey, and targeted him specifically with the Chopman in Death–T. Kaiba has abused the blonde on multiple occasions, hurt him mentally during Death–T, looked down on him, walked all over him, and basically is a complete and utter prick towards him. It's interesting, since he normally wouldn't bother to go out of his way to talk to someone like Joey – I would argue that this happens because Joey hangs out with Yugi, someone who Kaiba wants to challenge. Just look at Duelist Kingdom for a good example of this – Kaiba shows up and challenges Yugi, Joey speaks out (as he usually does), so Kaiba treads him into the dirt, pretty much utterly obliterating him within a few turns. Similarly, during Battle City, Kaiba only says that he will help to locate Joey, since that's where the Rare Hunters will be – he _deliberately_ does that to insult Yugi's best friend, and thus insult Yugi himself!

Okay. Bottom line is this: They absolutely hate each other. Trying to make this pairing work is like trying to make a Yami Marik pairing work – or worse still, trying to make a _Zorc_ pairing work. If anyone finds a Puppyshipping fic that isn't OOC, poorly written, AU, or just starts off with the two of them in a relationship, I'd like to see it…

**Warnings:** Someone's very drunk… and no, it's not Kaiba.  
**Time Period:** Just after Duelist Kingdom.  
**Names:**  
Yugi Moto = Yugi Moto  
Seto Kaiba = Seto Kaiba (as usual, it's mostly 'Kaiba')  
Katsuya Jounouchi/Joey Wheeler = Joey Wheeler

"Yeah! We won!" The blonde raised a bottle to the shorter teen with the tri–coloured hair, then took a long swig. "To my bes' bud… *hic*…Yug'!"  
The taller man next to him narrowed his eyes, taking a delicate sip from his wine glass. "To… Yugi."A slight smirk played around the corners of his lips. "You don't look happy… Did you find the recent tournament too easy for you?"

"Well…" The subject of the toast fidgeted uneasily in the luxurious chair. The three teens were sitting in a massive hall, the long oak table perfectly complimenting the velvet drapes. Silver plated cutlery glittered on the table, amidst white plate stacked high with delicious–smelling food. The brunette smiled, gesturing to the meal.  
"Please, do enjoy my hospitality." The words were innocent enough, but the smile that graced his features did not reach his eyes – and sure enough, the invitation had a sting in the tail. "After all, it is more than you could ever have."  
The boy with the tri–coloured hair sighed. "Kaiba… This isn't… I mean, it doesn't really feel like…"  
"Yugi."The host smiled once again… snakelike. "Look at your friend."  
There was a scrunching noise from further up the table, and Yugi blanched. "Joey!"  
The blonde looked up from the chicken drumstick he'd been chewing on. "Yah?"  
"Don't eat the food! Remember last time?" Surprisingly, the smaller boy made no effort whatsoever to lower his voice out of Kaiba's hearing range – probably because he knew by now that sound carried extraordinarily well in the dining hall.  
Joey's jaw dropped, and he immediately began attempting to spit out the chicken. Kaiba yawned. "Relax, your food isn't poisoned." He waved a slender hand dismissively. "If it were, you'd already be dead. I don't like to drag these things out."  
"Whadabout Death–T?"Joey's voice carried the accusation, but the brunette retained his cool.  
"Revenge… That's a different thing."

So saying, he daintily selected a lamb chop, and began to eat in tiny bites… always watching over his guests.  
_Soon… Very soon… you will find what revenge is._

By the end of the meal, Joey was rip–roaringly drunk, having been granted full access to all the beer he could drink. He leaned heavily on Kaiba's shoulder, even as Kaiba expertly steered the him away from the exit, away from Yugi. The smaller boy frowned, trotting after them. "Uh… Aren't we going to go home?"  
"Oh, _you_ can go home." The brunette's voice was like melted chocolate. "But… Joey simply _must_ stay tonight. He's not well enough to leave."  
"Um… ah, no thanks. I think I ca–"  
Yugi's voice trailed off as the hammers of twenty guns clicked. Kaiba spread his arms wide in both a gesture of hospitality… and an intimidating movement that showcased the bodyguards standing right behind him. "I think you'll find that you _must_ leave him here_._" Blue eyes flashed murder, an ugly smile flickering across the host's features. "After all… You wouldn't want anything to _happen to him_ on the way home, would you?"

Prevented from moving by Kaiba's bodyguards, the small boy could only watch as his best friend was taken away. His hands clenched into fists as he was shown the door – and by the time he'd left the KaibaCorp building, the guards could have sworn he'd become a different person.

Which of course, he had.

Joey staggered into the room, his head in a haze.  
_Wonder what Yug's doing? _

Kaiba had spared no expense whatsoever on the room, which was adorned with plush carpet and soft white drapes. A four–poster bed stood in the centre of the room, majestic. The blonde stretched right out on the mattress, testing out the springs under his weight –  
WHAM!

The cream–white door flew open, slamming against the wall – and with it flew any shred of respect Joey might have had for Kaiba at that point. The brunette stood proudly in the doorway… in quite possibly the most provoking outfit the poor teen had ever seen in his life. And the worst bit was that Joey was pretty sure that he was straight… even though Kaiba's outfit was making him drool. Just a little. Okay so, maybe, _maybe_ he was bi.  
From under the Blue–Eyes White Dragon styled Venetian mask, Kaiba smiled, the individually handsewn scales on his blue cloak rustling as he swirled across the room towards his victim. One slender arm extended, a single accusatory finger pointed at the blonde. "Joey Wheeler… I'm going to completely and utterly obliterate any friendship you might have had with Yugi Moto."

Joey was too drunk to resist the casual arm Kaiba threw around his shoulders, too tired to resist the brunette as he was forced none too gently onto the bed. Kaiba laughed. "Watch, Joey. Yugi will inevitably come back. And when he does… he'll see us, in exactly _this_ pose." The brunette shifted ever so slightly, adjusting his position. And when that happens, your friendship is o–"

**CRASH!  
**  
"_OKAY, HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!_"  
The window shattered, bits of glass scattering in all directions. And through the window–  
Joey gaped. "Yami!"  
The brunette muttered under his breath: "So soon…"  
"Jo–" He stopped, eyes narrowing to slits when he saw Kaiba's outfit. _"What the… Just what is that thing?"_  
Kaiba smiled mirthlessly. "I don't see why it'd be anything different from what _you_ might do with him."  
_"Why, you– I don't…"_ Yami's eyes blazed a deep crimson in anger, as he realized what Kaiba may or may not have done to his friend. _"You didn't."_  
"What if I did?" The brunette's eyes flashed, lip curled in a sneer. "Would you like to?"  
_"Wha– NO!"_ Yami's temper flared, and then came the moment Kaiba had been waiting for.  
"**_MIND CRUSH!_**"

Even as he sank into oblivion once again, Kaiba knew that he'd won his round.  
Finally, he'd gotten his revenge.


	43. RQ Puzzleshipping (Yugi X Yami Yugi)

**Author's Note: **Before we start this one, I would like to say that RQ pairings will be placed in the alphabetical order with the rest. However, to save time and effort, this will only happen when we get to the point where a given request pairing should have been placed. For instance, Moneyshipping will stay exactly where it is in the contents page, until I post the pairing Mnemoshipping (Yami no Yuugi x Malik), at which point it will be moved to its rightful place, in between Mnemoshipping and Morishipping (Yami no Bakura x Hiroto) . The name of the requester will not be removed from the pairing's description.

**Also: If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

On with the show, hmm?

**Puzzleshipping**(Yami Yugi X Yugi) – requested to go early by Lover333

You know… I have a feeling that I may well get flamed for lampooning this pairing – and in particular, pointing out its flaws. All I'll say here is this:** The one–shots are simply jokes, and I do not intend to bash ANYONE'S favourite pairing in the "Flaws" section. **

_Flaws of the pairing:_ Hear me out, peoples. Puzzleshipping is not totally without "backup" – after all, there's all that holding hands stuff that goes on, as well as terms such as "soul mate" being tossed around. These two become so close during the course of the series that they are like brothers by the end. They can read each other's mind (a sign of being very open with each other), and it gets to the point where Yami _doesn't want to leave Yugi_, because they're just such good friends.

And as you can imagine, they're very, _very_ easy to pair up because of that. Even I giggled childishly when I read the entirety of Duelist Kingdom one afternoon – specifically, when Yami performed the "Mind Shuffle" with Yugi. You see, earlier in that arc, Mai promised Rex that they could do the "body shuffle" if he won (and yep, she _did _mean it in that way).

*coughs* Anyway. This ship has some quite major flaws – and they're sort of thing that can only be combated or avoided by running an OOC AU fic… or just ignoring these, either way works. I've been babbling long enough, so I'll save you the lecture, and just throw you two good flaws to chew on/flame me over.

Now, this will come up for the other two"Yami X Hikari" pairings as well – but it's a biggie, so it's included: Yugi and Yami are in the same body. Lemon's obviously going to struggle with all characters IC – but so will just about everything else. It's a pretty big flaw, if you ask me – even with the technicalities of it aside, why would Yugi want to _date _the guy who's living inside an object, the one he can't see?

And that leads me into another flaw, one that few people recognize: Yami Yugi isn't Yami Marik. That is to say, he _isn't_ actually the same age as Yugi. He's not even a good–looking, slightly older Yugi. He's a 3000+ year old spirit. That's right: If you look closely at Puzzleshipping, you'll find that you're actually looking at what may be one of _the_ most perverted pairings out there. You're pairing a fifteen/sixteen/seventeen – year old teen (who looks like he's twelve, by the way) with a three thousand year old man, _who is literally living in said seventeen–year–old's body, who can see what the teenager is thinking and feeling as well as doing, and who can force that teen's body to do whatever he likes._By that definition, Yami Yugi becomes… well, pretty much the ultimate stalker.

*dives under the desk, bracing herself for the flamewar*

**Warnings:** Yugi is shown what is presumably lemon Puzzleshipping fanart, but the images themselves aren't really described in any detail. This one is also a lil' more serious than some of the other one-shots here. *coughBalanceshippingcough*  
**Time Period:** The night before Battle City begins.  
**Names: **  
Yami Yugi/Yami/Atem = Yami  
Yugi Moto/Yugi = Yugi

**Note: ** I use this for all my fics – however, newcomers may not know this :  
"Character is speaking normally"  
_"Character's dark side has taken them over, and they are speaking. A Rod–brainwashed character also speaks like this."_

"Yami, I want to ask you something."  
_Yes?_The voice resonated deep inside my mind, and I smiled. It always brought a certain sort of warm comfort with it; the sort of comfort you may have felt as a small child, when you cuddled your favourite toy in bed, believing that all the monsters would never dare come near you with that stuffed friend at your side. It was the solid confidence radiating from that voice that did it, I think.

My mouth moved, but it wasn't my own voice that spoke – it was that of my friend. _"What is it, Yugi?"_

Feeling my annoyance at being temporarily taken over, Yami immediately handed back the reins. I sank down on my bed with a sigh; he already knew what the question was, after all.  
_True, but I want you to ask it. It doesn't feel… honest, poking around in your mind like that._

I resisted the strong urge to inwardly stick my tongue out at him, and he laughed softly in my mind. A little more relaxed now, I decided to ask my question. "What happened with Anzu? I thought that seeing her… I thought that would cheer you up." I could have spoken to him through my thoughts, but talking like this just seemed more natural, more comfortable.

My friend's 'voice' went flat – in our shared mind, I felt rather than saw him avert his eyes, turn away. _I got some new cards. That cheered me up._  
"Oh, Yami..."

What could I have said? He evidently didn't like Anzu; I felt embarrassed for having indulged the girl and set her up with my friend, protector, comforter. Some friend I was, hooking Yami up with someone he was disinterested towards!

His voice reassured me immediately – he had felt my thoughts again. _No, no._ _I like her -_  
That made me sit up. "You… Really? You didn't seem that interes–"  
_- as a friend. _  
"Oh."  
A silence, then a slight tickle as he read my mind. For a long moment, all was open between us - words did not pass between us, and yet we both knew what the other was thinking. Images of both Anzu and the museum he'd been to today raced through my mind…

…then my friend broke away from me, the pictured fading away.  
_ I… I see._  
_  
_Yami went quiet for a while after that – but whether he was thinking about Anzu, or the things he learned about himself he at the museum that day, I did not know. He seemed distant from me, pensive. Not wishing to disturb him, I sat at my desk, worked on a dusty jigsaw puzzle that I'd been meaning to do for a while now, until my eyes ached and watered.  
_  
That piece goes there._

I felt my left hand move on its own, pointing to the spot. With a drowsy nod, I placed the piece; inwardly deciding to try and find out what was bothering him."What is it?"

There was no need for clarification; he already knew what I was asking about. It wasn't the mind-reading this time - we were just that close.  
_Yugi… Maybe I shouldn't tell you this. You are tired, and not ready.  
_"Hmmm?" I let out a great yawn, my chin touching the desk. "But Yami, I'm _always_ ready."_  
Not… not for this.  
_  
I sighed, fondly remembering the time when the spirit had first seen a toaster. He had been absolutely terrified – suffice to say, there had been no toast in this house for a very long time afterwards.  
"Do you remember that?"  
_Do not speak of that… that monstrosity! It swallowed your bread, and spat it out – burnt to a crisp!  
_"There was no need for the Shadow Game!"  
_Of course there was! It was an evil spirit!_  
I sighed. "So, what were you going to tell me?"  
_I wasn't going to!  
_"You know I would have made you tell in the end."  
_Yes… _ _I wanted to ask you about something I saw.  
_"Shoot."  
_I… I wanted to know. People seem to think that… that we should…_

Something flickered in the back of my head – out of focus, too blurred for me to know what it was. I closed my eyes, aiding the focus of the image – and my jaw dropped, my eyes snapped open. "Gaaah!"  
Egad, it was just so _wrong_ on so many levels…  
_I do not see much wrong with it. It is much like those tapes Jounouchi gives you to watch._  
"N–no... It's far worse than that… I mean…" Picture after picture snapped through my mind like a slideshow on fast forwards, and my stomach lurched. They were all of me and him, my best friend, doing things that I doubted were even _legal. _Yami moved like a shadow, clapping one of my hands over my mouth to prevent me from whimpering as the disturbing images flickered through my thoughts – until, with a yell of outright terror, I shoved his presence out of my immediate mind.  
"G–get away from me!"

But he rose inside me, easily overpowering my attempts to gain control of my own body, to take my Puzzle off. _No, I need to know_. _Are we… supposed to do any of these things? Is it what spirits do?_  
An image of Bakura and Ryo floated into my head, and I pushed it aside with a sound of disgust._  
_"No! No! It's… it's wrong!", I gasped out. "Leave me!"  
_Have you tried any of these things?_ Try as I might, I couldn't hear any tone in his voice but innocent curiosity. With a moan, I laid my head against the desk.  
"St–stop… you're scaring me…"

Yami backed off instantly, the images flickered and died inside my brain. _Sorry… Did I hurt you?_  
"No…" I took a couple of deep breaths. "Just… I'm sorry I asked. I'm sorry."  
_You do not believe that we should do those things?  
_"Th–that's right."I hoped that my voice was firm enough to command his respect. "And we won't be _doing_ any of those things, right?"  
_But you looked happy in those drawings! _, he protested; and I facepalmed.  
"Yami?"  
_Yes?_  
I sighed. "You'll understand someday."


	44. RQ Revolutionshipping (Anzu X Yami Yugi)

**Guest Review Reply:**

**Hawkfeather: **

Aaaand I give in to my impulses to-again- request a ship. May I  
please request Cunishipping (AnzuxMaixShizuka)? :D I was just looking at the  
list of ships and am feeling highly amused and slightly guilty-I've requested  
more than any other except possibly OvershadowedMedallion (shoutout to another  
huge fan). I'm sorry for putting you through all that, but i can't help  
myself...I'm such a huge fan! Thanks for putting up with us!

**Me:** It's hilarious, because Overshadowed Medallion gave you a shoutout of sorts (have a look at the replies on the Lampshipping chapter, XDD). They came up with a good idea, too - every five RQed ships, I'll grab the next alphabetical one off the list. I've also rearranged the chapters now to help people with finding a ship they want to see, XDD.

Aaanyway, I've added your request to the list - you two have actually RQed exactly the same number of ships, by my count. There's no need to feel guilty, it's great to see you guys RQing - you're both so supportive, and it always makes me pleased to see that someone likes the ship-list so much that they actually want me to keep writing these one-shots! :D

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.  
**

**Revolutionshipping** (Yami Yugi x Anzu) - Requested to go early, by Aqua girl 007.

The ship got its name from a story arc in the anime, in which Yami and Anzu went on a date. During this arc, Anzu accepted a challenge from local thug Step Johnny to battle on a 'Super Dancer' dancing arcade game. The game has been viewed as a parody of the Dance Dance Revolution series of games, made by Konami... yes, the same company responsible for the creation of the Yu-Gi-Oh! OCG, TCG, and other video games.

_Flaws of the shipping:_ Aha, these two actually had a date together – and how can we forget how badly that went? Sure, they didn't fight – but Yami basically ignored Anzu throughout the whole thing, the only time he was happy being when he got some new trading cards. You can just imagine them trying to be flatmates, can't you?

Anzu: "Hello Yami! How was your day?"  
Yami: "…"  
Anzu: "Um… I made you dinner. Reheated Burger World burgers."  
Yami: "…"  
Anzu: "Oh, and there's a strawberry milkshake, too."  
Yami: "…"  
Anzu: "So, uh…"  
Yami: *sits up* "Ooooh, lookee!"  
Anzu: *startled* "What, what?"  
Yami: "A DUEL MONSTERS TRUCK! RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET! They're probably delivering all the latest cards right to Kaiba's doorstep…" *drools*

Erm, anyway. Particulary in the early manga, Anzu has very strong feelings for Yami, but they're not really returned at any point, making this a canon ship if it's one–sided (with Anzu in love). Not sure how the anime handled it, but in the manga, the date sequence was in fact a setup by Yugi to try and make Yami feel a bit better – Yami never agreed to it. Yes, Yami did save Anzu multiple times in the early manga; but then again, he saved other people in the early manga as well (Ryo and Hanasaki spring to mind). Heck, he even saved Kaibaduring Duelist Kingdom, and Shadi during the early manga. EarlyManga!Yugi was all about saving innocents who'd been hurt, by bringing the wrongdoers to justice – and so you can't argue that he loves Anzu because he saves her in the early manga, not unless you want to argue that he also loves Kaiba, Shadi, Ryo, and Hanasaki…

And besides: Since when has Yami ever had time for romance? Isn't he always playing games?

**Warnings:** None.**  
Time Period:** AU **-** sort of. It's loosely set after Duelist Kingdom, but only very loosely.**  
Names:**  
Atem/Yami /Yami Yugi/Yami Yuugi = Yami most of the time, and sometimes Yami Yugi.  
Anzu Mazaki/ Teá Gardener = Anzu.

It was cold, bitterly cold. Squinting through the blizzard, the brown–haired girl felt rather than saw the door of the Kame Game shop swing open, and gracefully, poetically, in high–digital slow motion… it hit Anzu Mazaki in the face.

"Aieee!", she yelped as she fell backwards, voice muffled by all the scarfs she had wrapped around her head.

"Ah…!" A concerned teen with spiky, tri-coloured hair now stood over her, waving a hand in front of her nose. "Are you all right?"

Anzu Mazaki almost swooned in his presence, then checked herself – there was this one time she had actually done that, and she'd missed out on a golden opportunity to be carried around by her idol. (1) Today, she was absolutely determined not to let that happen – and so she dramatically placed a hand on her unblemished forehead. "Oww…"

That perfect brow furrowed, crimson eyes became full of worry. "Can you stand?"

"I… I think so." She obligingly leaned on her major crush and idol as they went inside, and to her delight he didn't even notice the smile that she almost let slip out. And he lay her on the plush couch by the light of a few candles, bending close to her.

"Is there anything you need?"

_You_, she wanted to say. But before she could, the boy with the tri–coloured hair abruptly turned. "Good, because I have a duel to get on with here." He bowed to his opponent; a ferocious – looking boy who just barely reminded Anzu of Ryo Bakura. But surely it couldn't be – Ryo was so shy and kind, and this guy seemed to enjoy giving himself papercuts on all of the cards, laughing manically…

She sighed in longing, watching the extremely sexy Yami play a smoking hot game of poker with the teen, and win. How she wished that she could have been a card in her idol's hand – or better still, if only the game had been _strip_ poker…

Yami easily crushed the Ryo look–alike in the next few minutes. The teen casually booted his opponent out the door – very sexily, of course – and Anzu decided to let out a groan from the couch as he came back inside. "Could you possibly… get me an ice pack?"

Her idol nodded, face all worry and respect, and went to the kitchen. Anzu could practically feel that ice pack already, the way he would surely press it upon her forehead, and perhaps add a loving caress into the bargain–

**WHAM!**

"Okay, Yami! LET'S DUEL!", howled Seto Kaiba as he came barging into the room. The teen immediately forgot all about the ice pack, instead rushing over to duel Kaiba. Afterwards, Anzu's head ached from all the shouting, and Yami sighed.

"Sorry, Anzu. I'll get you an ice pack now, okay? And some painkillers, too…"

The girl shivered in delight, imagining Yami popping the hard, white pills into her open mouth, her tongue brushing his fingers. Imagined him pouring the water past her lips, gently holding her head back to let her swallow more easily…

And he indeed came, and he put the icepack next to her, and–

"Hey, Yug'! I wanna see if I'm a true duelist… and I brought pizza!"

"I will be sure to test your abilities, Jounouchi!"

Three hours of this torture later, and Anzu was feeling legitimately sick. Mokuba with an entire Capsule Monster Chess vending machine strapped to his back, Duke Devlin with his entire dice collection, a zombie Pegasus with a comic book, Bandit Keith with a gun, two duelists who claimed they were from the future (one of whom decided that coming through the window on a motorbike was a good idea), and even several aliens from the planet Zog… the list of challengers went on and on, and there was absolutely no room whatsoever for romance. Yami looked apologetically at Anzu after each one had come and gone – and after the aliens had departed in their spaceship, he returned to the couch with a cold slice of pizza for her. "Here – you can have this, after the pills."

_At last!_ Gratefully, she opened her mouth, and he popped the cold tablets inside her mouth, lingering a moment with his fingers on her lips, looking worriedly into her eyes. "You're not... worried, are you? My hikari thinks that maybe..."

And she gazed back into those wonderful crimson pools, running a hand along his jawline. "It's fine... At least you're helping me now."

"LET'S JET!" A twelve year old with the dumbest hairstyle Anzu had ever seen landed on top of Yami, along with what appeared to be a naked, blue, glowy, man. Yami jumped as the kid slid off his back… and those delicate fingers went straight up Anzu's nose.

That was what finally made her snap. Yami backed away, muttering some sort of apology – and then turned eagerly to the boy. "So, how about that duel?"

And six seconds later, he had a face full of pizza, and an angry girl storming out the door and into the night.

Notes:  
1. This is a reference to an early manga scene, when Anzu indeed swooned before Yami… having been chloroformed by the enemy–of–the–week, Kokurano.


	45. RQ Thornshipping (Yami Marik X Anzu)

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.  
**  
**Thornshipping** **(Yami Marik X Anzu)** – Requested to go early, by the guest ForgotMyName.  
Fun fact: No–one seems to know how this ship got its name… and neither do I.  
_Flaws of the pairing: _I find it interesting that this one came up right after Manipulashipping (Marik X Anzu) did… Anyway, this pairing's way stranger than that one. The search on the Internet turned up a few disturbing images and fanfics… oh, and a great song that I promptly downloaded.

Back on track, I'm firmly of the belief that Yami Marik's absolutely impossible to ship with anyone substantially weaker than he is. It's very easy to play down just how destructive he really is – so let's take a moment to remember that this guy absolutely _broke_Mai in their duel, and that was apparently just a warm up. Given that Mai's one of the strongest female characters in the show (perhaps rivaled only by Isis in her strength and independence), it should be reasonably obvious that Anzu is not going to survive a night alone with Yami Marik, unless he's dead…

On the other side of the pairing, we've got Anzu, who hates Yami Marik's guts. Yup, this is going to work beautifully.

If you think that disturbing and painful things are beautiful, that is.  
_  
_**Warnings:** It's _Yami Marik_, for frig's sake – so yes, there's some violence and generally creepy stuff. Also, this is very much AU ('Alternate Universe'; see below)**  
Time Period:** Because Anzu is still technically Marik's mind slave during the period when Yami Marik is active, it would have been too hard to have Anzu in control of herself when the two met. After Battle City, Yami Marik is presumably sealed away(though he could possibly return IMO…).Therefore, I did a boarding school AU – Marik's the new kid who goes psycho personality at night, the hot new game's chess... and Anzu Mazaki is foolish enough to ask Marik for a game.  
**  
Names:**  
Marik/Malik = Marik Ishtar  
Yami Marik = Other Marik  
Anzu Mazaki/Tea Gardener = Anzu Mazaki  
_  
_  
"Before our lesson today, I'd like you all to meet our new student." There's the usual false smile, the wave of the hand to the awkward new kid, and then the name – stumbled over, as it is quite an exotic one today. "Ah… My role doesn't seem to have the right spelling. Mark… uh… Ishar, is it?"  
"No. I am Marik Ishtar." Surprisingly for a new student in front of the first class at boarding school, the Egyptian speaks with perfect clarity, his confident gaze now locked on something well over the heads of everyone else. There's an awkward silence while the teacher waits for the boy to say 'Pleased to meet you' or something along those lines… but it never comes."Would you like to tell us something about yourself?"  
Marik moves his gaze to the teacher. "Not really."  
"Well… Would you like to sit?"

For an instant, Marik's messy blonde bangs spike out in all directions, giving him the appearance of a lion that has just suffered an electric shock. Eyes like twin amethysts – a glittering deep purple – focus hungrily on the group of students, surveying each one in turn. Perfect lips curl in a vicious smile when the new arrival sees half the girls swooning over their desks, and the other half mentally dumping their boyfriends… well, _almost_all of the other half. One girl barely reacts to his presence, her nose in a book…

_Challenge accepted._

He grins broadly at her, and for a moment his voice is deeper, a sibilant hiss. This is the Other Marik, the other mind residing in the Egyptian's skull.  
_"Yes... I think I would like to sit."  
_**  
**At this point, it should be noted that no–one in their right mind sits next to Anzu Mazaki when she is studying. It's not a gesture of cruelty – just a common courtesy. The girl has many friends, as many schoolgirls do – but in class, she works so hard that any attempt at conversation is pointless. And as everyone knows, most students like to_ talk _in class. (1)

And impossibly, Marik Ishtar quite deliberately sits next to her. "Hello."  
No reply. The slim girl, her dark hair in a bob, is studying furiously – and so, the teen decides to leave her alone.  
For now.

The Egyptian trails her all day – when dinner's over, Marik's hovering in the shadows by the cafeteria door, awaiting his prey. There's a distinctly hungry look in his eyes, his hair's slowly beginning to spike out in all directions. It's evening – and inside the Egyptian's brain, two minds meet as the sun meets the horizon. Suddenly, that carefree grin doesn't seem so innocent any more…

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you, but I really needed to study…"  
Anzu is all politeness, and the Egyptian practically purrs in reply. "It's quite all right." _  
_She smiles guiltily. "So… Want me to help you unpack?"  
An almost demonic grin accompanies Marik's answer. "That'd be great."

In the mess that is Marik's suitcase, there's something that Marik didn't want to take – a board with little black and white squares. There's ornately carved chess pieces as well – and as luck would have it, Anzu finds them. Her face lights up, fingering one of the horses. "Wow… I like chess too."  
Marik can hear the hidden question in her words – 'Would you like a game?' – and for a moment that confident gaze drops to the floor. On the one hand, he doesn't really want her to go. But on the other side of the argument, he knows that games… Games aren't good. Not at this time of night. And… especially not _that_ game…  
The Other Marik growls in his head, and he finds himself saying "_Want to play?"  
_She smiles. "Of course!"

And so they sit on the floor, the board all set up between them. Marik's rubbing his temples, but the girl barely notices. She's busy admiring the chess pieces, touching the detail on one of the intricately carved ivory horses – and the Egyptian shudders, his voice once again an evil hiss.  
_"This is… a Shadow Game."  
_The light in the room dims, and Anzu looks puzzled. "What?"The door slams shut with a loud bang, and the girl jumps at the noise. Other Marik giggles.  
_"I think… You're going to really experience this game…"_

The horse's eyes glow a deep blue. It rears on two legs on the table and neighs – and the poor girl yelps in surprise. The other pieces are coming to life as well – and it's now obvious that something very strange has happened to the boy facing her over the board. He's smiling cruelly, laughing – at last, the second mind inside him gets its go! And he watches her scream in pain when his pawn removes her bishop's head, and he laughs, and it's a great game…

It's just a pity that Anzu has to leave then, because it's bedtime. (2)  
Maybe tomorrow, they can continue their game...

Notes:  
1. This is mostly my own headcanon here, but Anzu is the only member of the crew to be shown working for money in the early manga. We know that she's determined to succeed, and that she does not participate in the 'exam mark bingo' game that Yugi, Jounouchi, and Honda all play. Thus, she works quite hard in classes (unlike the other three!).  
**  
**2. Based on something that I never properly understood: Why doesn't ANYONE who Yami challenges actually bother going "No thanks"? I mean… they technically could. They don't, because blah blah games are super important blah. But they _could_. And realistically (especially in Season Zero), they really should have.


	46. RQ Tragedyshipping (Marik X Amane)

**Reply to Guest Review:**

BakuChan:

*Snort* Well this was highly entertaining xDD And in case ya don't  
know this is Raven :D Though I have to agree, Amane and Cyndia are probably  
easily the two easiest characters to turn into Sues.

**Me: **Gwah, wasn't expecting you to show up here! XDD Aaaanyways, thanks.  
And yeah - I would argue that Amane's easier to Sue-ify because she's related to everyone's favourite cute/badass bishie, and wouldn't be twenty-one like Cyndia would be if she were still alive. But yeah - they're still very easy to make Sues out of.

If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.

**Tragedyshipping **(Marik X Amane) - Requested to go early, by the guest CookiesAndSugar.

Named because both characters have tragic pasts, despite the fact that we know _nothing_ about Amane, and thus don't know whether she's got a tragic past or not.

_Flaws of the pairing:_ This one is hard to flaw, due to the nature of Amane – in case you didn't know, Ryo writes letters to her in heaven in the manga. Here's a quick rundown of what we know about Amane:

1. She is Ryo Bakura's younger sister, how much younger is unknown.

2. She died in a car accident at a young age.

Aand… that's all.

Unfortunately for Amane, this makes her one of the easiest freaking Mary Sues to put into a fanfic without being accused of the number one crime in this fandom: CREATING AN OC, OH NOES. Remember, only the name and those two facts are canon - if you wish to write an Amane fic, you will need to make up her age, personality, card deck, appearance, so on and so forth. This puts her closer than many of the other characters to an OC level. It's likely near impossible to make Amane OOC, after all.

Now, I've seen some well-written OCs, I know that not all of them are Sues - and presumably not all Amane fics would be written with her as a Sue. It _is _actually possible to write an OC who isn't a Mary Sue, believe it or not, and this goes likewise for Amane. However... well... it'd be awfully easy to make Amane a Mary Sue, you know. She's essentially a blank template. I haven't checked into the matter much to see if people _do _actually Sue–ify her, but to be honest I'd be pretty surprised if people managed to _miss_ this lovely opportunity here. It's just so easy!

Amane can have any coloured hair or eyes you want, because you can always say that she's a rebel/Ryo's an albino and thus his colouring isn't likely to occur in his sister/white hair is _very _easy to dye multiple colours. Amane can look however you want her to, so she can be incredibly attractive to your favourite YGO bishie. She can be adopted, so that means that you can make her Egyptian if you like. Oh, and you can give her every single characteristic that's actually one of YOUR good characteristics, and you can give her extra powers, and you can make her absolutely perfect. You cover her death over by saying that she was soooo powerful that the Tomb Guardian Clan/Kaiba Corp/Kame Game Shop/I2 took her in for special training, and that's why she's great friends with the man of your *cough* I mean, _her_ dreams.

So… yes. You can't flaw this one as far as Marik's reaction to Amane is concerned, because you don't know what she's like, and I don't want to start making it up as I go along. It's like trying to flaw a Yu-Gi-Oh Character X OC ship, when you know only the OC's name and two useless pieces of their backstory - it's not going to be easy, is it?

Amane might not be a Mary Sue, but she _might _be. You can't say she is or she isn't, can you? And as a Mary Sue, Amane can compensate for every single weakness I can think of – even the weird ones:

"Marik's not close to anyone but Rishid."

_"Amane served him when she was working for the Tomb Guardians, so they're actually very close."_

"Marik doesn't respect people weaker than him."

_"Amane holds the Millennium Car Keys, and the Babylonian God Cards. And did I ever tell you about Yami Amane?"_

"Marik is a jerk. During Battle City, he's an absolute bastard, who attempted to murder AT LEAST three people, and one of them (Yugi) multiple times – and Yami Marik wasn't in the picture at the time. That was all Marik."

_"Amane is waaaayyy scarier than Marik. She beats him into the ground, and that's how they became friends. IT HAPPENS TO OTHER PEOPLE IN THE CANON!"_

"…Marik's not really straight...?"

_"You know how we all call Amane a 'she'? Biggest misprint of all time."_

And so on, and so forth; you get the idea. The only way to flaw a Mary Sue!Amane (or indeed, any Mary Sue) is by looking at logical options, such as Isis not being comfortable with Amane being around, Millennium Items having only one owner, Rishid being overprotective, Yami Marik killing Amane, and Marik's unattractive demeanor in general – but all of these go downhill when you consider that Mary Sue!Amane can probably attract anyone and sweetalk anyone into doing anything. There are ways to logically destroy a Mary Sue!Amane, and I will demonstrate one way in the one–shot (other ways may crop up in future Amane–related ships, you've been warned) – but these are difficult loopholes to find, indeed…

Obligatory Moral of Story: It's hard to flaw a character pairing where one of the two is a near-blank character template, without getting into a Mary Sue discussion.

**Warnings: **Obviously, since Amane's back from the dead and playing Mary Sue – style havoc with our minds, this has to be an AU of some description. This one actually forms a semi–crossover with the _Artemis Fowl _series, which I adore – but it's not enough to get you confused beyond belief if you haven't read that series. If you _have _read that series, I wonder if you can tell me who 'Amane' _really _is?

**Time Period: **Battle City, before Marik leaves his den to go after Yugi.

**Names:** Amane Bakura = Amane Bakura (go figure)  
Malik Ishtar/Marik Ishtar = Marik Ishtar

The hot sun beats down on the sand… and underground, there is a valiant struggle going on. Something small is being held down by at least six masked and robed men – but it definitely doesn't want to be held down.

"Ack! She bit me!"

"Little vixen!"

"Quick, use the net–"

"Are you _quite _done?", asks a bored voice from somewhere down the corridor, and the men immediately double their efforts in terror. The thing only struggles harder, but it is eventually roped, shackled, and gagged.

Triumphant, the tallest member of the group removes his mask, to reveal a distinctly Middle Eastern face – tanned a dark brown, with hieroglyphics carved into the side of the head. He bows to each of the others in turn: "Thank you, gentlemen… I will deliver her to Master Marik now."

And so it is that – a bear–like man holds up a struggling, hissing, vaguely–human–shaped bundle of general angriness, depositing it at the Egyptian's feet. The Master stares at it for some time, before making a casual gesture to unroll the carpet wrapped around the thing.

"Go on. Let us see this… thing you have had so much trouble catching."

"Erm… If I may say so, she's like a wild cat, my lord. It may not be wise to–"

In reply, The Master kicks the thing down the stairs before The Servant can finish his sentence, resulting in an automatic unrolling of the carpet. The bundle immediately spits out the gag with a growl, gazing into the eyes of her captors – the only real thing unusual about her is the pointy ears. "I'm Amane, Mud Man."

The Master's eyes narrow – an instant warning signal. "Don't insult me. You will call me Master Marik." He looks closer at her; "What's wrong with your ears?"

The girl snarls in reply. "Maybe that's because _I'm a cat hybrid. These are cat ears._" You can practically_ taste_ the italics – they're sickly sweet, like honey, and a beautiful choir seems to sing in harmony with the girl's voice, though the words themselves slithered around the tongue like a band of angry snakes.

Marik and The Servant blink, looking into those eyes for less than a second – and what she said was now true to them. They do not remember her prior appearance, nor did they remember that she had actually told them to believe this. This is the power of the _mesmer_, the simplest of fairy magics.

The Master considers her for a moment, with suddenly bloodshot eyes – a side effect of the _mesmer_. "Interesting... I suppose we could sell her, Rishid."

Rishid bows – the man's irises are now also red. "If you wish. I may have some interested parties…"

"Very well, then. Let us proceed to the matter of–"

"Wait!", the pixie almost screams – because she is in fact a pixie. The two of them look at her in surprise – and naturally, she hits them with the _mesmer _again_. _"_I have a Millennium Item!"_

But Marik growls, resisting the pull with blunt logic. "No Item would choose a female as its master... Impossible, utterly impossible."

The pixie can see that she's fighting a losing battle here; and so she stares even harder into her victim's eyeballs. The choir becomes several decibels louder. _"Rishid brought me here by accident. You love me. You will do anything for me."_

Marik lets out a bark of surprise. "Untie her immediately!"

"Of course, Master Marik. I cannot see how I could have made such a terrible mistake–"

The fairy sighs, even as she is swiftly untied by the older man. _"Don't you remember? I am Ryo Bakura's sister, Amane Bakura. You thought I was him."_

"Yes, that's right. I thought you were the Ring – Bearer, but I made a mistake…"

The Master doesn't look convinced, but the girl smiles up at him – her smile is like the sun, everything he could ever want, condensed into pure happiness and served through a straw with a slice of lemon. Within seconds, he's hopelessly drunk. Amane's smile only widens; "Could I have a word?"

He gazes adoringly into her eyes, dismissing Rishid with a wave of the hand. "Anything for you, my dear… Amane Bakura is such a pretty name…"

The older man frowns, but goes out of the room, muttering something under his breath about records. Amane doesn't care – she has Marik all to herself now; she's been through a _lot _to get to him, she's violated at least six fairy laws already… which is maybe two more than the usual ones. "So, my darling…"

"Y–yes?"

She passes slender fingers over his cheek. "Could you use that fantastic Rod of yours to control people you can't see?"

He brushes the girl away, looking slightly confused at her behavior – either he has a very strong mind, or the _mesmer _is already wearing off. "W–well, of course."

Amane's gaze hardens. _"I'll tell you what, Marik… There are people living underground, but they are being controlled by a tyrant. If you were to control the people, and tell them to rebel… I suppose there might be a reward."_

"What sort of reward?"

_"The Pharaoh, Marik." _The pixie licks her chops, thinking of all the wonderful destruction she could cause with this plan. The other fairies wouldn't know _what _had hit them. "Yes… I will bring you the Pharaoh."

"Helpless?"

"Yes. Helpless." It's all Amane can do not to break out in fits of evil giggles. This was going to be simply _delicious–_

"MASTER!" Rishid comes running in, and tackles her to the ground. "I checked the records. Amane Bakura is _dead_!"

The pixie hisses and spits, but she can't use the mesmer – she's lying flat on her face, after all. Marik looks shocked; but then again he trusts Rishid more than anybody else. "Show me the records. Now." He looks at the pictures the Rare Hunters have stolen from the Bakura family over the years of stalking. They show a smiling, brown–haired toddler… who looks absolutely nothing like the 'Amane' throwing a hissy fit on the floor. "Died in a car accident, age six…" Marik's grip tightens on the Millennium Rod – the tables have been turned.

"Betrayed. _Betrayed!_"

"You… But… but… _I'm your best friend, Marik!_", she tries one last time, gazing soulfully up into his eyes. The young man looks, then he realizes what she's trying to do – he shakes his head vigorously to clear it.

"No, you're not. I don't know who you are."

"But Marik–"

He leans close, very close to her – and the tip of the Millennium Rod pokes her between the eyes. "Don't. Call. Me. Marik."The Master folds his arms, looks over at Rishid… and sighs. "Throw her into the desert. I am bored of her."

The other Egyptian hides a smile. "As you wish, Master Marik. As you wish."


	47. RQ Yamishipping(YMarik X YBakura XYYugi)

**If you would like to request that a ship goes early, please check the RQing rules on the intro page before you leave your review with the request.**

Oh yeah - and the fourth day of Christmas gives us...

Yamishipping (Yami Marik x Yami Bakura x Yami Yugi) - Requested to go early, by Hawksfeather.  
_Flaws of the shipping:_Oh. Oh, wow. Just…Wow.

Maybe it'd be easier to try and explain exactly what I can see that would _work_for this one? I mean… I wouldn't have to write much.

It'd look something like this: "They know each other… um… they're about the same age… although Yami Marik is technically ten years younger than Marik. Right. Um… uh… Well, they can all do Shadow Games. That's something, I guess. Oh yeah, and they've all been totally psycho at some stage. But other than that…"

…Yeah. I am actually on the verge of simply refusing to talk about this one, which is unusual for me – I guess it's because whatever I say here is going to be pretty much obvious to everyone. Let's face it – it would go "Blah, blah, they've all nearly killed each other, blah, Yami kicked the other two's butts to kingdom come so they won't be too happy about it, blah, blah, blah, they absolutely hate each other's guts, blah, blah, Yami Marik's a psycho with a knife/Rod thing, blah, complex words, blah.", and there really isn't much else to say about it – aside from the fact that I would love to see a talented writer try and make this one realistic – because to me, unless anyone at all can explain to me something I've missed, this shipping is just... well, very flawed.

And yet, it seems either this fandom has a flair for the weird ships that make no sense, or I'm really missing something here. When I went on the interwebs, I found a whole heap of authors (_maybe_ there was a slight exaggeration) who write Yamishipping, and lots of stories as well. Not as many as those who write Puppyshipping, or Puzzleshipping, but a fair number. More than most ships I've covered.

So, here's my plea: Could someone, who I'm sure is far more intelligent than I, please, _please_ explain to me how Yamishipping can possibly work with everyone IC?  
Thanks in advance.

**Warnings:** So you know, it's a bizarre crossover of sorts between two or possibly three parts of Yu–Gi–Oh (see 'Time Period' for details) – there's 'dueling', and a fair bit of violence as well.**Absolutely no romantic moments for this one.**

Time Period:

In the Shadow Realm, no–one can hear you scr– I mean, no–one can hear the clock tick. This oneshot looks at Season Zero/early manga Yami (in two words: 'justice demon'), Yami Marik during Battle City ('psycho with a knife' doesn't even come close) , and Yami Bakura before he met Yugi (seals people into figures on a regular basis, impaled his own hand on the tower of a plastic toy castle to shut up his host, has actually been able to take over Ryo for way longer than for the time that Yami's been able to control Yugi). For plot purposes, Yami Marik will not recognize Yami Yugi or Yami Bakura - consider this a nod to how much their appearances have changed over the course of the series. Don't worry if you haven't read the manga – this is just an explanation for why Yami in particular will seem OOC to you. Trust me, he did act like this early on…

**Names:** Yami Yugi = Yami Yugi, Goth Baby (he was actually called this in the manga!) from Yami Bakura.  
Yami Marik/Mariku/'Melvin'= Yami Marik  
Yami Bakura/Bakura/'Florence' = Yami Bakura or Bakura.

The Shadow Realm was always… well, misunderstood at best. The fangirls with their sugary fics always seemed to paint it as "over there", the dubbers had done likewise, and over the years this place had slowly lost its reputation for being at all scary. (1) Now, unlikely–coloured llamas frolicked across beautiful hills of rolling green, the guarding Duel Monsters were all Baby Dragons, and the Dark Castle was made of gingerbread and decorated with little candy canes.

From the top of a hill, the white haired teen looked on at the spectacle in utter disgust – if _this_ was honestly a place of unending torture, then Harry Potter might have as well danced the tango with Voldemort. Actually, the last time Yami Bakura had heard, the two of them had been taking lessons. He couldn't blame them – after all, this place was enough to drive any self–respecting Dark Lord or goody two–shoes nuts, and not the sort of nuts the teen liked. This whole place just made him sick to the stomach – and to make matters worse, the administration was absurd. There were so many people down here that shouldn't have been – he'd talked to two blokes last Thursday, and discovered that they were here because _they'd fallen off a building_as the result of a really dumb dueling stunt. (2) How exactly that one got you to the Shadow Realm, Yami Bakura had no clue.

_No doubt about it – this place is a dump._

Someday, somehow, the real Shadow Realm would come back. The white haired teen smiled, thinking of that one piece of the bad old days he'd managed to save – and all those gruesome monsters and endless punishment that waited within.

With a sigh and a pushing motion, he opened the secret door to eternal damnation – his home. Strolling past the cells filled with evil doers suffering the most horrible and ironic of punishments, watching every resident torturer attempt to outdo the others on the big television set – this was the most enjoyable part of his day. He was quite proud of what he'd created, to be honest – it was _his_Shadow Realm, all his...

Little did he know that it wasn't going to be like that for much longer.  
oOoOoOo

Meanwhile, in the grassy valley, a bird flew into the air, startled. A blue sheep bleated with alarm – there was no shadow, nothing created shadows here… but it _felt_the presence of a shadow falling over it.

And seconds later, it dropped dead.

"What… what have they _done?_" Floating several feet above the ground, the apparition came across the field "This is not like the old days." It howled in grief and rage then, and a storm brewed in the cotton–candy clouds above it. And it stood in the eye of the slowly–building hurricane, with its glowing red eyes, logic–defying hairstyle, that demonic grin.

And a desire to get the real Shadow Realm back – a desire so very strong that it pulled Yami Bakura's secret door open .

The white–haired teen was about to have an unexpected guest.

oOoOoOo

Dragging the unconscious blonde behind him, the newcomer came stalking into the brightly coloured fields out of thin air, cackling evilly.  
"Keheh…eh?"

He looked about in horror, purple eyes searching in vain for a hint of pain or torture… but he found nothing. In fact, the more he looked, the more he was disappointed. For starters, there wasn't a single torture rack in sight – just sugar–coated slides and swings. And there… there were _cherubs!_Laughing and playing on the swings – mocking him. He stood there watching them laugh, his mouth hanging open.

_This… this can't be the Shadow Realm! This isn't what it said in the brochure at all! _(3)

With a low growl, he unsheathed the Millennium Rod, the long blade glittering in the eternal sunshine. "Hey, kiddies!", he roared, storming his way over to the playground.

Half a dozen hopeful little eyes fell on him. "Yes?" – and here, one of the cherubs extended a hand to him; "Did you want to play, too?"

"I'll show you playtime!" With that, the Egyptian shoved, slashed and stabbed his way through the tiny angels.

When they screamed and ran, he felt a little better.

He would have burned the playground to the ground as well – if he'd just had a few matches. With a sigh of regret, he went and sat on the swing, trying to compose his thoughts.  
_  
Hate. Pain… Where can they be now?  
Maybe they're trying to hide these things from me, weaken me that way._

A loud noise made him look up, then – and almost cry out in joy. There was finally a dark spot in the brightness – storm clouds on the horizon! Howls of rage!

"Yee haw! Come on, beauty!"

Faster than a sunburned dog with its tail on fire might run towards the nearest source of water, the psychopath threw the blonde girl over his shoulder, and charged up the hill to chase the storm.

It was dumb luck that he crashed into Yami Bakura's door.

It certainly wasn't dumb luck that he decided to enter the latter's domain…

oOoOoOo

Something was wrong, very wrong. For the last few minutes, Yami Bakura hadn't been able to shake that feeling – it unsettled him a little. Trying to get rid of it, he'd tried to watch the television, with the volume turned right up. The screams did calm his nerves somewhat, but all the same–

THUNK.

_What the– what was that?!_

He froze for several seconds, listening – and sure enough, there was the sound of soft footsteps on the welcome mat. A slight creak, as the intruder almost delicately pulled the trap door he'd so carefully rigged under the welcome mat back into position.  
_  
Okay. Now, I just quietly sneak out, and then–_

He turned, to find himself staring into the fiery red eyes of…

"Who are _you?_"

The teen – who honestly didn't look a year older than fifteen – pointed at him with a look of total arrogance. "I have decided! This is where I shall punish those who have trespassed on my friend's souls!" (4) There was a long silence, while he waited somewhat expectantly for… well… for something. Maybe he was waiting for candy, or maybe for a well–aimed kick – the white–haired teen couldn't be sure _what_exactly the kid before him wanted. He felt too, like he should have remembered this midget from somewhere; but he couldn't remember anything more than that.

"Hi. Nice place you've got here. So much pain and anguish… Man, this is heaven."

With a few choice words, Bakura whirled all the way around, to find Yami Marik standing right in the doorway. The Egyptian cut a freakish sight, bathed as he was in red light, his messy blonde bangs sticking out in spikes around his head. "I dropped a… shall we say, _sinner_ into the torture hour–glass – your monsters weren't happy, but they soon came around to see my way." He laughed. "Oh, how she _screamed…._ Dear Ra, it was so _beautiful!_"

Something in Bakura snapped. "Why, you–! Get the hell out, and take this goth baby with you!"

That sent the teen with the tricoloured hair and way too much leather into a practical hissy fit. "Goth baby? _Goth baby?!_ Excuse me?!" He took a deep breath, then pointed at the other teen's chest. "You! You have trespassed on my soul!" He lunged at Bakura, with a knife very suddenly in his hand. "One, two, three, four, I declare a Shadow War!"  
Yami Marik blinked, trying to remember where he'd seen two guys who looked like this before.  
_  
The kid looks like a psycho Yami Yugi, and the other one... Yami Bakura on a bad hair day, maybe...  
__Nah... It couldn't be. _They look similar to those two, but they behave completely differently...

At last, he spoke - Yami Yugi was now fighting savagely with Yami Bakura for possession of the knife. "…Kid, it's Shadow _Game_. And oh, it's so very _painful!_" He smiled, eyes half closed in bliss. "Just… wow… The pleading, the screams… the blood…"

"B–blood?" That last comment made the kid flinch – and the knife went straight into the couch, all the way up to the hilt. There was a dead silence – and then an abrupt growl from the chair.

Needless to say, Yami Marik utterly ignored it. "Yeah, there's lots and lots of lovely bloo–"

The growl came again, and the Egyptian glared. "Hey, you listen to me when I'm talking! Now, where was I… Oh, yes. Blood, and entrails – it's such a messy way to go. And it doesn't end there, because–"

Dark shadows flickered around Yami Bakura, who hissed in rage. In one fluid movement, he was standing – well and truly towering over the smaller teen. "This… this is for the couch." He ripped the knife out of the couch, and raised the blade to strike down on Yami Yugi…

Yami Marik yawned from the doorway. "Puh–leeze. If you're trying to be scary, it really isn't working." He laughed, a deep cackle that sent shivers down Bakura's spine. "I don't even have to _try_, y'know."

"Sh– SHUT UP!"

THUNK!

Yami Marik looked over at the knife, lodged in the wall next to him. "Your aim's not that good, is it?" With a quick tug, he slid the blade out of the plaster, running his tongue across the metal. "So… I think we should duel a little."

"And I think _not!_", Bakura snarled – but a blade pressed against his ankle instantly.

Yami Yugi grinned up at him. "There are delicate nerves in the ankles, you know. If you don't obey the rules, I will give you a Penalty Game… your ankles will be slashed, I think." He looked over at Yami Marik hopefully. "What are the rules, anyway?"

The Egyptian grinned patronizingly at the white haired teen."The only rule is that we're not allowed to leave the room. Basically, we take stabs at each other in the dark. The last one standing gets the Shadow Realm."

"And the other two…?"

"They can't come back here. Not ever." And in one superhuman strike, Bakura's shirt was ripped open, the sharp tips of Yami Yugi's bangs chopped off. Yami Marik smiled at them… shark like. "Better warn you, though; I'm good with blades…"

Notes:  
1. Why, why, _why?_I can see why the fangirls might have done it… but if you think about what the Shadow Realm actually is… well, it's unending torture. Because 'death' is apparently a very bad word for kids, 4Kids liked to say that instead of a character dying, they'd go to the Shadow Realm. What they evidently didn't realize was that they were actually making things worse by saying that. I mean, if you take them seriously, instead of resting in peace those characters are suffering horrible pain in the Shadow Realm...

2. In the manga, the two masked Rare Hunters were blown up. In the 4Kids dub, they went to the Shadow Realm – despite there being no Shadow Game or anything like that.

3. Yami Marik has not been to the Shadow Realm before this point, because he skinned his father alive, with no Shadow Game involved.

4. Yami Yugi would often mention that the bad guy had "trespassed on the soul of my friends/on my soul" shortly before he delivered the horribly ironic punishment.


	48. RQ Yuumeishipping(All Yamis X all hosts)

**Yuumeishipping(Yami no Marik x Marik x Yami no Bakura x Ryou x Yami no Yuugi x Yuugi) **- Requested to go early, by Overshadowed Medallion.

The name is not so weird if you know Japanese; "Yuumei" means "Light and dark" – here, all the 'dark' (Yami) and 'light' (Hikari) characters are represented.**_  
_**_  
Flaws of the pairing:_ Do I really, truly, honestly have to explain myself here? I've ranted about this one before, y'know.

But since it was a request… I'll explain the flaws. Firstly, six ways are ridiculous in general, there's no way of getting around that. And secondly, almost all the characters here absolutely _loathe _each other. For starters, everyone in the six–way hates Yami Marik and Yami Bakura (who hate everyone in return – including each other). And when you consider that those two are psychotic villains who are most happy when they're killing and destroying people's lives… well, it's not pretty. There's a _reason_ why Psychoshipping (Yami Marik X Yami Bakura) has that name, you know.

A few logic flaws with this one:

1. Yami, Yugi, Yami Bakura, and Ryo Bakura all existing in corporeal forms at the same time. Most people don't even bother trying to explain that, and I can't blame them.

2. Even if the Item spirits somehow become corporeal, **Yami Marik =/= Spirit of the Rod**. This is pretty important – unlike what many seem to think, Yami Marik isn't actually in the same category as Yami Yugi and Yami Bakura. He's a split personality, created from a combination of the Rod's power with Marik's pain as a child. He never existed in Egypt, he's not trapped inside the Rod, he's not over three thousand years old. He was actually created in the modern day, he's trapped inside Marik's head, and he's a good twelve years younger than Marik.

Putting it another way: Take Yami Bakura's Ring away, and you've utterly neutralized him.  
Take Yami Marik's Rod away, and he can still come and butcher you.

In conclusion, you can't really give him the same explanation as you did the two Item Spirits.

**Warnings: **Goodluck trying to follow this one – six characters, and an unfortunate Secret Santa...  
One big fight.  
…Yes, I'm going the extra mile of ridiculousness with this – and it isn't technically AU, weirdly enough. There's a little bit of OOC, however. **  
Time Period:** Battle City, the night that Yami Marik is challenged by Bakura. At this point Yami Marik has just woken up, Marik, Bakura, and Ryo are all in the same body, and Yugi and Yami are as normal. Slightly AU, since it's saying that Battle City took place around Christmas time (it was never confirmed, but it's unlikely).**  
Names:**  
Yami Yugi/Yami/Atem = Yami, "Partner" or "Other Me" if it's Yugi talking.  
Yugi = Yugi  
Yami Bakura = Bakura  
Ryo Bakura = Ryo  
Marik/Malik = Marik  
Yami Marik/Mariku = Yami Marik  
Seto Kaiba = Kaiba, "Big Brother" if it's Mokuba talking.

**Important Note:** The "_italic speech_" rule doesn't apply for this one–shot.

"Bottom line: The footage isn't selling. They want something to break up the dueling – we need some comedy. Less circus, more bread." The brunette paced back and forth across the lavishly decorated room – almost cracking his head on the lamp hanging from the ceiling.

The occupant of the nearest armchair – a white haired teen with flared bangs and a nasty smile – laughed. "So? It's got nothing to do with us, Kaiba. Just give them the footage of you versus low doorways. Your audience would be in hysterics."  
Cold blue eyes fixated on the speaker in an intense glare. "Just for that, _you_ will be the main attraction, Bakura."  
"Say _what?!_"  
Seto Kaiba purred in delight, looking around at the others in the room. "If any one of you wishes to _stay_ in the official Kaiba Corp Battle City Tournament, all of you will participate in a special Duel." He grinned "Naturally, I'm exempt." Bakura hissed, and went to spit out an angry response – but on the other side on the room, a teen with tri–coloured hair got to his feet with a tired smirk.  
"Well then, Kaiba. Tell us! What are the rules of this… special duel?"  
"Hmm. Well, it has to be novelty, has to be in keeping with the latest trends, has to be quick…" The brunette snatched a laptop from one of the men with guns standing right behind him, and sat cross–legged on the floor, typing away in silence.

The young man seated in the chair in the centre of the room scowled. "Money, is that all you want?" He licked his chops. "Don't have any… Heh, pain's better. Something painful really gets you in the mood. Great start to your day, breaking a few fingers. Or better still – breaking a few of _someone else's_ fingers. And then, better again: Breaking someone else's soul." He giggled evilly, and the teen with the tricolour stood with a somewhat vicious snarl of rage, the pyramid pendant around his neck flashing gold.  
"You'll do nothing of the sort, Yami Marik!"  
The Egyptian yawned in his face. "Already did...Yami, isn't it?" He sneered, perfect lips curling horribly. "Pity you'll never know your actual name. Just go die already."  
The pale–skinned teen – Bakura – decided to enter the argument at this point with a long, drawn out yawn. "Yeah. Whatever happens, I'm getting all the Items anyway." He indicated his own pendant, and the gold–plated Rod hanging at Yami Marik's side. "May as well give up."

Yami fumed, the necklace humming and glowing like a swarm of wasps – and the Items of the other two lit up as well. Several ghostly figures appeared in the room, the temperature dropping several degrees as they revealed themselves, one by one. First was the pale white ghost of a sleepy, gentle looking teen –floating just behind Bakura, it was obvious that the resemblance between them was uncanny. A second ghost floated just behind Yami – a wide eyed innocent, who could have easily passed as the other teen's brother and at last came a grumpy Egyptian who appeared just beside Bakura, and huffed his way over to Yami Marik.

It was no coincidence that each of the three resembled their partner so closely. Yami and Bakura's doppelgangers were Yugi and Ryo, who were forced to share their own bodies with the spirits of the Millennium Items. The Egyptian – Marik – did not resemble Yami Marik quite so closely; after all, Yami Marik was his own pain and misery, who'd now decided to become his own split personality and take Marik over.

Speaking of whom, the two Egyptians were in a violent conflict once again. "Give me my body back!", Marik growled – and Yami Marik laughed.  
"Lemme think about it long and h– no."

Yami sniffed disdainfully, tossing his head at Bakura. "I'll Shadow Game you into next week!"  
"Bring it!"

Let's just say that it was fortunate that Seto Kaiba finished his statistical analysis at that point, looking up with utter glee (and thankfully not noticing the three spirits). (1)  
"Ho, ho, ho!"  
Yami Marik stood, towering over the brunette with a face like a thundercloud. "What?"  
The CEO smiled cruelly. "Well… it's Christmas. Very popular on all the channels. And cooking shows as well."  
"Wait. You're going to make us… _cook?_"  
"No."  
Yami Marik grunted. "Thank R–"  
"It's worse than that." A sharklike grin. "_Much _worse."  
oOoOoOo  
Soon, the three duelists – and the three spirits resembling them – were standing on the platform.  
**"WELCOME TO 'CHRISTMAS FOR MY SWEETHEART', THE SHOW WHERE OUR THREE CONTSETANTS DUKE IT OUT FOR THE GRAND PRIZE OF 'SANTA OF THE YEAR'!"**, the loudspeakers boomed.  
The pale teen groaned in exasperation. "Oh, _Ra…_" The ghost resembling him tapped him lightly on the shoulder, and he flinched. "Ryo, don't do that!"  
**"TONIGHT, EACH OF OUR THREE HAS BEEN ASSIGNED TO MAKE A PRESENT FOR ONE OF THE OTHER TWO…"  
**Yami Marik grinned psychotically at that point. "A good dish out of pain is what my person's getting!"  
**"…USING THESE MATERIALS AND TOOLS! EVERYONE IS GIVEN SOMETHING DIFFERENT, BUT ONLY ONE PERSON WILL MAKE THE BEST PRESENT!"**With a loud fanfare of trumpets, three tables rose up out of the makeshift stage. **"PLEASE STEP FORWARDS TO THE TABLE IN FRONT OF YOU!"**

There was an awkward silence, as each of them stared at the contents of the three tables, then went to look at each other's tables. Each hoped that the other might have something better… and all three of them were sadly disappointed.

Yami Marik was the first to move to his table – and peering over his split personality's shoulder, Marik stared at his partner's craft paper. "They didn't even give you scissors."

From the other side of the room, Bakura snickered. "What was that you were saying about hurting your person?"  
"Rah… I'll figure out something!"  
Yami smirked. "You don't look so good yourself, Bakura. Pink ribbons and a doll? _Really?_"  
"Still better than what Kaiba gave _you._"  
The teen with the tricoloured hair sighed, staring at the sewing machine and plethora of fabric – every last piece of material bearing an image of the Blue–Eyes White Dragon gorily dismembering the Dark Magician. "I hate vendettas…"  
**"FOR THIS GAME, YOU CANNOT SEE EACH OTHER!"**

Screens slammed down between the three competitors, separating them – or at least, separating their _physical_ forms.  
**"AAAND NOW…. SECRET SANTA TIME!"** Kaiba pranced around on the stage, taking a strange and savage joy in handing each of the three their Secret Santas. He then moved into the upper gallery to watch from above.  
**"BEGIN!"**  
oOoOoOo  
Bakura growled, staring at his piece of paper. "Yami Marik. I'd rather throttle him." He looked at Ryo, and their eyes met for an instant – and suddenly, they'd switched places. Now it was Bakura who floated, and Ryo who stared hopelessly at the table. The ghost poked the gentle teen hard. "Make the damn present. I'll take a hit for you, but I'm not doing this!"

"Now… Let's see if I can't just sabotage the Pharaoh's little gift."With a nasty giggle, he walked straight through the screen, making a bee (ghost?)–line for Yami's work area.

Ryo sighed, and got to work.  
oOoOoOo  
On the other end of the stage, Yami Marik fumed. "Yugi?! Why did it have to be that little–"  
"Yeah! I hate him!"  
"Not as much as I do!"  
"Well, I hate him MORE!"  
"Oh yeah?!" The two faced off, nose to nose. "Well, I think you're WRONG! Wrong, wrong, WRONG, you hear me? I'm pure hate!"  
Marik bristled, something hard to do when you happen to be semi–transparent. "Well, I still–"  
"Push off! I'm the only one allowed to hate him!"  
"That's _me_ you're thinking about!"  
Yami Marik howled, raising the Rod high in the air. "He's all mine! I'm killing him! Mine… MINE!"  
oOoOoOo  
Yami blinked. "Bakura? Why do we have to make a present for Bakura?" He pulled a face, pricking unaccustomed fingers on the needle of the sewing machine. "Seriously, I'd rather make something for Yami Marik."  
"Well, at least Ryo's nice… Here, let me help you." Yugi stepped forwards, allowing them to swap positions. "I did some sewing classes at school."  
"School? Since when have you ever gone to school?"  
"It was a while back."

They both cringed at the wild yells of anger emanating from Marik and Yami Marik's area. "First they want to kill us, and now they're_ fighting_ over us?"  
"You should be honored." The two of them whirled, to find Bakura right behind them. "Look, I'm in the same situation as you. Our reputations are going to be horribly damaged by this." The voice was like melted chocolate. "Which is why I suggest we make sure that the show is never, ever going to air."  
"How?"

Bakura grinned a macabre grin. "Well…"  
oOoOoOo  
**"AND… TIME'S UP, FOLKS! LET'S SEE WHAT OUR THREE CONTESTANTS HAVE MADE!"**  
The barriers around the booth on the far left slid down, to reveal… nothing on the table. Not even a single ribbon was left behind.

And there was no Bakura, no Ryo either.  
**  
**After an awkward silence, Kaiba coughed from his position in the gallery, and waved the loudspeakers on.  
**"IT SEEMS THAT BAKURA HAS MADE NO PROGRESS!"**  
The barriers around the booth on the far right slid down, to reveal a pile of craft paper… and no _table_.

**"AND NEITHER HAS YAMI MARIK!"  
**The CEO snarled, leaning over the balcony in a fury. "Bakura, Yami Marik... Where did they go?!"

**"IF YUGI HAS MADE PROGRESS, HE'S LOOKING TO TAKE OUT THIS ROUND AND CLAIM THE TITLE OF 'SANTA OF THE YEAR'! HAS HE DONE IT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN?"**

The screens slid down–

–and a certain brown haired CEO nearly fell off the platform he'd been watching the action from. The three and their ghosts were in a hopeless tangle of arms and legs – to make matters even worse, their clothes were lying on the floor. "Wha… how… why … Why are there two of all of you?!", he blurted at last.

Sitting just behind Yami Marik, running his fingers over his partner's back to make it arch, Marik was the first to answer the question. "Solid Vision. Ring any bells for you?" (2)  
"But… how did you…" Kaiba blinked, then his eyes widened. "Mokuba. And the Rod."  
The tanned Egyptian allowed himself a self–satisfied smirk. "Yes. "

From his position on top of the Yami and Bakura, Yami Marik smiled and waved at the gallery. "Hey, Kaiba! What do you reckon – this painful enough for you? Or… How about _this?_" Flicking his head back over his shoulder, he allowed his tongue to brush Marik's cheek, then looked back at Kaiba. "Getting a headache yet?"  
A strangled yelp from the balcony."You… you just…auugh… My _eyeballs!_"  
"Ah, that's good to hear!"

Lying on one of the two tables placed length to length with each other, shoulder to shoulder with Yami, Bakura tugged at one of the long red ribbons that had been wound around his body. "I believe this is what they call 'bondage'. A bit itchy, but…" He smirked up at the poor CEO. "I think it was worth it."  
Up in the gallery, Kaiba nearly choked. "_Bondage?!_"  
Yami Marik purred, running a hand down one of Bakura's legs and ignoring the death stare. "Oh,_ yes. _Very much worth it."

Kneeling on the floor, his arms around Bakura's neck and shoulders, Ryo fidgeted. "None of you are going to try anything with me, right?", he whispered.  
Yugi, in a similar position with Yami, looked over. "Yami Marik's just fooling around."  
"And he _won't_ if he knows what's good for him!", Bakura hissed.

Yami glared murderously at the other two competitors, but he still played along. "Well, I think the fabric was a nice touch." Rolling onto his side, he showed Kaiba what he was wearing – a long piece of fabric tied loosely around his waist, which fell to just below the knee… and that was it. "How do you like it?"  
"We– we can't air this!", the CEO howled, and Bakura just shrugged.  
"Not our fault. We used what you gave us."  
"And _how!_", Yami Marik growled playfully.

**"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHH!"**

The scream cut through the air like a knife, and Yami raised both eyebrows. "Can anyone see what just happened?"  
Marik grinned, looking over Yami Marik's shoulder at Yami. "The loudspeaker person just jumped off the balcony. Suicide, I think."

With a bang, the door slammed shut as Seto Kaiba, thoroughly humiliated, stalked out of the room. The two Egyptians immediately whooped, high fiving each other – then death stared each other down. "I _still_ hate you, y'know."  
"Well, I hate you MORE!"  
"Oh yeah? Well–"**  
**Yami groaned, struggling out from under them and going to fetch his clothes. "Here we go again…"  
oOoOoOo  
Notes:  
1. In both the anime and the manga, there's times when you can see the other soul floating right besides whoever's got the body – for instance, Yugi floating next to Yami. No–one else ever reacts to them, so I'd imagine that the spirits can be seen only by those with Millennium Items.  
2. Solid Vision _Holograms_ is the full name of the system which Kaiba put together to make the holograms of the monsters.


	49. NEW RQ Driveshipping (Marik X Mai)

**Driveshipping** (Marik x Mai) - Requested to go early, by KaylaKissesKangaroos.

'_Driveshipping is so named because both of these characters are shown to love driving during Battle City. Plus both their personal drives for success and fulfillment was the main thing that kept them going._' Kinda makes sense, I guess. I wouldn't say that they _love _driving, but they're certainly shown driving around, and of course Marik does have this dream as a kid that someday, he's going to hop on a motorbike. And then he does, and then of course everything goes wrong for him… Yeah, I'm sure he'll just love riding it after that.

_Flaws of the pairing:_ Wow, and I thought Marik X Anzu was weird.

This has pretty much all the flaws of that ship, but with a few more added in. Mai does _not _like 'Marik' (Rishid) during Battle City – she's absolutely set on beating him. She's extremely strong–willed and stubborn to boot, and Actual Marik's attitude of treating everyone as being far below him is unlikely to impress.

You _could _use the Millennium Rod if you really wanted to, but given that Joey was able to break its control through sheer force of will, I doubt that Mai would stay under its control for very long – she's probably one of the few characters who may actually be stronger than Joey. Marik trying to control her with the Rod would be more likely to just make her even angrier!

Alright, I had better explain why I feel that Mai is so strong willed: Mai is to my knowledge the only person not somehow linked to the Millennium Items (ie Kaiba, Pegasus, Yami),who has been able to continue playing during a Shadow Game of Duel Monsters right through to the end of said an indication of how strong she'd have to have been to have accomplished that, consider that Yugi collapsed in Duelist Kingdom during the Pegasus duel, whilst Joey was unable to play a single card by the end of his Yami Marik duel. Had she not been foiled by the whole 'whoever recites the hieroglyphs on Ra gets to control it' thing, Mai likely would have taken down Yami Freaking Marik.

In conclusion – Mai was able to hold her own to an extent when faced with Yami Marik, something which Marik himself could not do. She doesn't like Marik after seeing what he's done, she definitely wouldn't like him if she could see how arrogant he was, she's mentally stronger than the Egyptian (to the point where she likely would break free if he did try to control her), and she's a very strong–willed, independent character who's more than happy to break a guy's heart (it was somewhat implied in the Duelist Kingdom manga that she did exactly that while working in a casino). At most, Marik might admire her strength, especially if she's angry.

…For a few seconds, before he's absolutely pummeled.

**Warnings:**A fair bit of sexism on Marik's part, a little violence that's more silly than serious.**  
Time Period:** Shortly after Battle City.**  
Names:** Malik Ishtar/Marik Ishtar = Marik Ishtar  
Mai Kujaku/Mai Valentine = Mai Kujaku.

It would be an understatement to say that the evening after the Battle City Duel Monsters tournament was a fairly warm one. The temperature may have been only twenty – nine degrees, but the air was humid and clammy, the wind still. The moisture seemed to clog the very air itself, turning what should have been a fairly warm evening into a downright uncomfortable experience for the residents of Domino City. Thunderclouds gathered on the edge of the horizon, brief flashes of lighting illuminating their interiors as they rumbled towards the city.

In short, this was Marik Ishtar's idea of a pleasantly warm evening. The tanned young man was well acclimatized to warmer temperatures, having spent most of his life in Egypt. Rather than spend most of his day bemoaning his loss of the card game tournament, he had immediately taken an opportunity to get outside, and had driven his motorbike to the majority of the other contestant's houses, in order to say sorry for the things he – or in some cases, 'other him' – had done to them during the match. He'd apologized for just about everything now – the murder attempts, the torture, tearing people apart through the use of his mind–controlling Millennium Rod – but for some unexplainable reason had left the most awkward apology for last. Staring up at the trendy downtown manor, Marik couldn't help but think that maybe attempting to say sorry to this person was a Very Bad Idea.

Especially since he'd lost his 'I'm really sorry' present for them.

**LINE BREAK**

DING DONG!

The doorbell chimed – but before the blonde lady could even get out of her chair, it had chimed again. With a growl, she stalked towards the entrance, the tune playing at least another six times before she could reach the handle, by which point she was absolutely fuming. Mai Kujaku was not a particularly tolerant person, even at the best of times – the doorframe banged against the scratched and chipped spot on the wall, knocking a few more flakes of paint to the floor as she snarled a challenge at the young man before her.

"Alright, what do you want?"

The Egyptian forced a smile, showing her the collection of beautiful flowers he'd been holding behind his back. "I'm Marik, from that Battle City tournament. I wanted to say sorry for other me's behavior."

Mai Kujaku scowled, noticing the large amount of dirt at the base of the flowers. "You uprooted my landlord's flowers. He's going to have a fit."

"Erm – I could rebury them."

"Please do. I want nothing to do with you." The door began to shut, but Marik shoved his foot into the entrance, preventing it from closing.

"Look, it wasn't _your_ fault you lost that duel." He coughed, pulling a hefty document from his jacket. "I prepared a speech for this. Is it okay if I just say the first bit?" The blonde rolled her eyes, but gestured for Marik to continue – and he did, with great gusto. "Anyway, losing that duel wasn't your fault. It's no wonder you lost – it was a Shadow Game, and you're a girl. You had no chance, to be honest. Oh yeah, and don't worry about that whole Winged Dragon of Ra thing – even if you happened to be able to read those hieroglyphics, you wouldn't have been able to control it. That's because the card was created with the _upper class _in mind." He looked up from his script and smiled winningly. "You know, the guys."

Mai stared at him, her face a mixture of disbelief and horror, and Marik blinked. "Oh, I'm sorry. Shouldn't have mentioned the Winged Dragon of Ra – girls are so much more sensitive, should have said something like–"

**TWHACK! **

"Auuugh!" The Egyptian went flying backwards down the steps, sheets of paper went everywhere, and the door slammed. For several minutes, the young man wailed and clutched his nose – then he remembered to get angry. Sniffling, he pointed the Millennium Rod at the house. "Get out here, right now!"

**LINEBREAK**

Hours passed, and Marik began to worry. What if Mai was somehow resisting the pull of his Rod – or worse still, what if his Millennium Rod happened to be operated by Millennium Batteries? Did it require regular charging with the Millennium Plug Pack, which would only work with the Millennium Power Socket? Battle City had showed him that there were many things he did not yet know about the Millennium Items – what evidence was there to show that they _weren't _battery operated or similar?

Somehow, the Egyptian's determination held out – and so eventually the door creaked back open, and Mai Kujaku stood before him, blonde hair sparkling in the twin lights of setting sun and lightning flash. A fabulous choir sang a Hallelujah chorus in Marik's head – at last, his perseverance had yielded a wild success! Standing there on the topmost step, the lady looked absolutely stunning – such a dazzling figure, what a wonderfully strong will. He didn't really understand why he knelt right there on the third step down, but he did know one thing:

This was the woman he wanted to marry.

**LINE BREAK**

Mai had ignored the constant crying outside, figuring that he'd go away sooner or later. She'd ignored the angry curses and shouting, figuring that he'd either go away, or someone would call the police. She didn't need to hear that sort of sexism from _anyone_, and she especially disliked Marik. How dare he waltz into her garden, tear up her landlord's flowers, then make that sort of speech!

It was the little voice in her head whining and begging at her to open the door that made her come back outside in the end – not that she was actually being controlled by Marik, more that his voice was so irritating that eventually she was willing to do _anything_ to shut him up.

Gritting her teeth, she opened the door.

**LINEBREAK**

It happened so fast – one minute he was standing there with his mouth agape, the next he was kneeling before her, drooling slightly. Mai sighed, looking down at him. "Any reason for this behaviour?"

He blinked, and the voices in the lady's head rose to a clamour. "_Marry me! Marry me!_"

"Aha!", crowed the young man, as Mai began to walk down the steps towards him. "I knew you'd come round! You're going to marry me, right? The ladies are so weak, they could never resist the pull of the– urk!"

Eyes flashing murder, the lady snatched his collar in one hand, his Rod in the other, pulled the young man to his feet – then proceeded to deck him one right between the eyes, sending him rolling down the stairs. "How… how_dare _you! Coming here like this, and now trying to embarrass me by forcing a marriage?! Jerk!"

Marik grunted, getting to his feet with a cheeky smile that he was certain would win her heart. "For a girl, you hit kinda hard…" The grin froze when he saw what the blonde was doing. "Ah. I wouldn't recommend you touch that – you might spontaneously combust or something. Can't think why you haven't done that yet." He paused, considering a moment. "Oh! Maybe the Rod goes easier on females or something."

Mai ignored his babbling as she calmly ripped the two halves of the Rod apart – but at this final comment, she sent the blade section whistling right past the Egyptian's head, where it lodged in a nearby tree. Irritated, the young man went to try and pull it out; "You really do throw like a girl!"

"Oh, _that does it!_" Swinging the Rod's sheath as a mugger might a baseball bat, Mai Kujaku made an intimidating sight as she charged down the steps with a very unladylike war cry to repeatedly beat the Egyptian over the head with the hard case. The two of them raced in circles through the garden several times, before Marik finally had the good sense to jump the white picket fence around the house and go tearing down the street, clutching the dagger half of his Rod.

"Owowow!"

**TWHACK!**

The case hit the Egyptian in the back of the head so hard that he staggered.

"And don't come back!"

Needless to say, he didn't.

**LINE BREAK**

With a slight smile, Mai Kujaku opened the garden gate and went out to inspect the spoils of war – Marik's motorcycle, forgotten in his rush to get away from her. She made enough from breaking men's hearts at the casino; all those extra tips were tax–free, after all… but she could always use a little extra money. A new vehicle like this would bring in a fair price, more if she was modeling it. Revving up the engine, the lady's smile only widened – this was top–of–the–line, designer quality even. Somehow managing to cram her mass of blonde locks into the helmet, Mai took off down the street. She knew someone at the casino who would pay very well for a good motorbike like this…

She couldn't believe how _stupid _men were, sometimes.


End file.
